Fist thing is - are you worried about her behavior upsetting the other chldren or the other parents. I believe that you should carefully observe the other children and then coach your daughter is she's upsetting THEM, however, their parents aren't her responsibility. They are yours!
Who want's this job? No one. but once you try, you will find that you can do it.
A place to start is:
(Parent of friend makes pain face)
You: (loving and self-confident smile) I've seen that face before on myself (permission granted to lie here) Isn't it awful how we are always comparing our children to eachother? (Comspiritorial Smile - then be quite and listen, mostly people will want to talk at this point.)
You: ((wait))
Other Mom: My daughter seems so bright but she is obviously far behind in reading to your daughter.
You: My daughter is quite unusual - please don't worry about yours in comparison to her. I believe that it's what we do with what we have that makes all the difference in life.
I suggest that you practice this in the mirror, or in your journal, or even here - listing all the things that the other Mom could say, and then try it a few times. You may even find that you are interpreting their face quite wrong, and that it's you who is remembering how uncomfortable it was to be different than your friends. Or you might just get good at it. If you really think that the other parent is thinking that there is somethink wrong with their child, it's find to open up that area to conversation. "Jane has always been different." Might be all you need to say.
What's with out culture that demands that everyone be bunched up together in the middle of that bell curve? You'd never see that in nature - even single celled creatures, which are all clones of each other, have some individuals that will vary.
Truth is that unless your daughter is quite unusual, she probably did choose friends who are amoung the brighter ones of the choices availible.
As for testers, I guess you could just ask how many children she has seen who have three or more subtest scores over 17 in the last 5 years. You can say that you don't exactly know what this means but that your friend Grinity told you to ask, if that's easier.
Also, chech out the discussion on Emotional Baggage and Parenting a Gifted Kid, if you haven't already.
Good luck dear,
Grinity
