Don't know if this will help or not, but I started telling my boys awhile ago that I couldn't hear what they were saying when it was accompanied by certain tones. So when they whined, or yelled, all I heard was the sound they made, not the words they were saying. They eventually figured out that they didn't get what they were looking for unless they got themselves under control.
Or maybe try recording him so he can see what he looks like. He may be unaware he's acting out so much.
Wish I could think of more. Hope you find a solution, I know it's stressful for everyone involved.
Good Luck!
