Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Maybe a Bully issue

I think we have a handle on this, but having other perspectives can be helpful. DS8 is having an issue with an older larger boy during 4 squares (A game with 4 squares and a rubber ball). Apparently (We just were told by DS8) the boy back in February hit him with a rubber ball very hard and chased him around hitting him with the ball, DS was hit a few times and from what he says it hurt a lot. DS is now afraid of the bigger boy. The bigger boy during 4 square game (No other times) intimidates and threatens our DS. These threats are verbal, as well as the fake through of a ball close to DS�s face. DS has responded with verbal attacks which have prompted verbal sparing that escalates to a physical threat from the boy. On a side note my DW learned about this when DS was in trouble for hitting a younger cousin with a toy, she was pushing for a reason for his poor behavior from him and he brought up the 4 square issues. DS was very emotional about it crying and letting us know he is very much afraid that the older boy will hurt him. (Some of the emotion may have been because he is now sick with a cold).

I understand that boys do threaten each other, and it is part of some boy play. I do not believe the other boy knows how afraid DS is of him. Note DS is 8 and because of grade skip plays with 9 and 10 year olds. I made the following suggestions at this point. (School is out in 4 weeks)

1. Don�t play 4 square
2. Say only positive things or nothing to the boy
3. Do not show fear

DS wants to play even though he is afraid, he would not back away from playing.
DS would not agree to not use verbal insults, (I think he is still upset, and thinks it�s the only way to fight back). After some time he agreed not to use verbal insults. My belief is that this only will escalate the issue, DS stated off the play ground they get along.
DS says he is afraid and can�t do anything about it.

As a Dad I see this as an opportunity to help DS face a fear and overcome it, to learn how to diffuse a situation and how to respond to a person like this. I believe the older boy is somewhat a bully and one of the best ways to deal with it is to ignore them and show no fear, it takes away their power (If they are hitting you its different). DS does not believe he can do this. I then told him how proud I was of him for still playing even though he was afraid, and that he does have courage, because it takes courage to keep playing when he is afraid. I asked him to try not verbally sparking, say positive things and to not show fear. If anyone has additional input or sugestions please let me know.