We have only had one school (private Montessori) come right out and say that DS would not be accepted due to Asperger's. The director did not even want to meet with him. She said, "The kids here all have to work together, and we've had Asperger kids in the past and it just hasn't worked out. We had one boy who didn't like the other kids in his personal space. That kind of thing just doesn't work here in our program." This was several years ago, and I would have filed an OCR complaint at the time had I know it was illegal for them to reject him based on his disability. I was under the impression that a private school could do anything it wanted.

But most private schools/camps/programs are more savvy than this. They give themselves an "out" in their fine print. Something along the lines of "If you don't follow our rules, you will be asked to leave." So Asperger-related behavior issues can fall under the category of "discipline problem," and the school/camp/program is free to kick the child out. DS has been asked to leave one preschool and one day camp. Just a few weeks ago I tried to sign him up for a little science camp at a local private school. When I informed the teacher he had AS she emailed back to say she "had concerns" about admitting him. This is what we've been dealing with for five years.

Private schools/camps/programs do not have to provide any support services to kids with disabilities, so the kids cannot participate if they need extra help. DS mainly needs help with the social aspect--he has difficulty mixing with other kids and working with them (he might just clam up and stare into space in a group of kids)--but private schools do not offer this kind of help as a rule, and have very little tolerance for difference. In my experience, gifted programs can be the worst offenders--they expect a goody two shoes and have little patience for a kid who acts "weird."

DS does not act out in any outrageous way (the "normal" kids in his class are much more rowdy, wild, noisy, bratty, etc.), but he might have trouble attending to tasks without reminders and that sort of thing, because he can become overwhelmed in groups of other kids. But trust me, even the public school goes ballistic over this. Schools/camps/programs are run like the military now. Even the so-called "Montessori" schools do this. They claim to be about creativity and individuality, but they are really very interested in the kids being in lockstep with "Montessori" notions of collaborative work and how to behave. That's been my experience anyway.