Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy DD not articulating thoughts

I'm not sure where to put this one. For the past couple months I have been noticing that DD9 is thinking that she has said something out loud, but she hasn't actually said anything. Her teacher has noticed this as well. For example, I ask her what she wants for lunch and she doesn't respond. When I repeat my question, she says in a very frustrated tone that she already told me that she wants a bagel. I've also seen this in her interactions with her siblings -- extreme frustration when they don't respond to her "inside thought" that what they are doing is annoying. Has anyone else run into this? Any suggestions?

I'm not sure what it is, but my DH has always done this. I'm curious to hear if others have seen something similar.

My DD5 ALWAYS does this!!!! I don't know what it is either, but I know it's caused some serious issues at home. I don't know if she's ever done it at school.

We run into this occasionally at our house, with all family members.
With DH, we joke about 'darn wifi not working properly.'
With DS14, when he was smaller, if I got no answer, I would routinely say: Honey, I'm not sure if you answered in your head or you are still thinking - can you help me?
Usually he would say - Oh, I spaced out! but sometimes he's smile, as he had thought it was aloud.

BTW - knowing what I know now, I would certianly disipline the 'tone of voice' error. Even if she had send the request on engraved invitation, she has no reason to speak to you in that tone of voice, AND she will hugely benifit from developing the internal resources to manage her frustrations. Life is full of frustration and it's great to be able to get an early start on learning to handle the less than perfect moments of life.

I'm not suggesting that you do anything draconian by way of disipline, simply that you all have a family talk about the 'new rule' - 'no harsh tone of voice' and then enforce it with a quick bout of 'selective deafness' and a calm 'that's a rule break' followed by 'thanks so much for your respectful (or kind) tone of voice.'

My thought is that after your dd develops a level of self control that allows her to ask a second time without melting down, she'll be able to 'laught at herself' and say 'Opps - I thought I already told you.'

Anyway - good luck!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

It's nice to know that we are not alone.
@Grinity, we have have been working with both girls on "tone of voice" errors. DD9 has been quite challenging on this issue lately. I think that she is experiencing a lot of frustration right now at school where she tends to keep everything inside. She's letting it all out at home. Thanks for the the suggestions re phrasing. I think that she is tired of my comments about my inability to read her mind.