Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy A frustrated parent: Challenging a gifted child

So Dandy, maybe a subject or two acceleration will do the trick...or an afterschool activity like karate or music lessons, where he learns that not everything comes easily?

good luck with the testing next week - I'll be praying that your son and the tester are a good match.

Grinity

I just wanted to mention how beautiful it is that everyone here "gets" that it is about the kid and the outcome, not the method. I love that there is no "Option A is the best and only option for all kids." The fact that everyone really appreciates that these kids are all individuals and need to be treated as such is so nice even compared to other sites for kids like ours.

I'm reading this entire thread and nodding my head in agreement! I was completely underchallenged through school and by the time I started college (a measly 1 year early), I just couldn't do it anymore. My high school was a fairly rigorous school, dedicated Honors/AP curriculum for everyone, but it was really too little, too late. Being an English major in college was just high school all over- I actually recycled papers from my Jr. year and got A's on them. I quit because I realized that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

When DS7 started floundering in K, I just couldn't sit by and watch my beautiful, curious, sensitive little guy turn into a demon who just didn't care. We pulled him because we were *losing* him. He never misbehaved at school, he reserved all the anger for us at home and the school blamed *me* when I tried to talk to them. I honestly could have hit his principal, so it was a good thing that conversation was over the phone. They screw up my child and ask *me* "what's going on at home that would cause this?".

And while homeschooling as been a wonderful experience, it saved his spark and he is (almost) completely healed from his K year, we're caught in the same catch 22 that others have talked about. He's a 7yo working at a 4th/5th grade level at the *lower* end- how am I supposed to ever send him back? I feel like we did this to ourselves, but I honestly don't know how we could have done anything differently.

We went to my DS5's Kindergarten orientation today (different school) and DS7 was almost near tears the whole time. He wouldn't tell me what's wrong, when I finally guessed, he just looked so forlorn. He *wants* to go to school, he wants to be around other kids all day, but he absolutely refuses to be put in a class where he's going to have to sit through things he already knows. He also isn't really keen on being around kids who are 3+ years older than he is, he honestly enjoys kids his own age. He understands that it's an impossible situation, there is *no* good answer, except for the local GT charter school that we have a snowballs chance of getting into because of a lottery system. It makes me so angry for him, he's 7, he shouldn't have to make *hard* decisions- having a social learning experience or actually learning things.

And after typing all that out, I'm not even sure that it's completely on topic, but I really needed to get it out where people understand and this thread seemed to be a good place

> < (hugs)

Did the second skip seem radical at first? The first time the idea of the first skip came up, it seemed like a big deal. Then it became so normal...so having DD skip K was an easy decision.

When the idea of the second skip (this year) for DS9 came up, it seemed pretty radical. Now I'm getting used to it --- but we'll see how things go over the next few months.

So for a third one at your end, maybe it's just a matter of letting the idea settle in? Food for thought. (Ahem! But for my kids, it seems like such a radical move!! Ahem!!!)

Val

Because our son turned 5 before the December cut-off, he was within the normal range for starting K @ age 4.

Technically speaking, then, our son is only accelerated by one year, so I guess starting 1st @ age 4 wasn't that radical (it just sounded that way!?). Rationalizing in that context, then, I suppose one more year still wouldn't be that radical.

He is the youngest in his class, however, and younger than most all the boys by 18-24 months.

I really, really, REALLY wish the school had the 4/5 split they envisioned -- it would have made this so much easier.

Oh Mammaandmore,
this is really sad. but don't ever say never! by the time your DS7 is high school aged, he may want to do high school and be perfectly ready to pour himself into extracurriculars and independent studies. So kids do Community College for Middle School and then regular High School for High School - really! Or maybe you will end up in Reno, or maybe a school for PG kids will open up in your neighborhood. I think you are doing really well to have reversed his underachievement and just meeting his needs each day. Socially, it really only takes one good friend to make everything better. It may be that in a year or two, the 3+ kids will be more fun and interesting.

There must be age segregated sports or art class or drama that he could do afterschool? Any interest there?

Of course it makes you angry, but I do think that having the chance to make hard decisions can be really powerful for kids, as long as they are still getting their basic needs met. Wanting can be a good thing!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I talked to his teacher from last year, who's been one of the most supportive thus far and he's offered to help lobby for whatever type of acceleration we want to try. He likes the idea of a single or dual subject acceleration (math and/or language), which should provide some add'l challenge to his day. This way, everyone would be able to monitor the "social" aspect of the change without the complete grade skip (which would could be a simple transition later). He suspected -- and I agreed -- that it's easier to reverse a single subject acceleration without any feeling of failure, whereas a full grade skip gone bad would probably attract a little more negative attention.

I completely agree with you about the after-school activities.

DS has been active in martial arts for two full years now, at his own choosing, and he enjoys it. He's competed in some local competitions, winning one and getting his little buttocks pummeled in the other. To his credit, the pummeling came first and he had no (outwardly visible) hesitation when the next tourney came around (which he won).

The other sport he enjoys is tennis. The "season" is fairly short, so it's not a big burden on our schedules.

Both of the sports are purely elective -- and should his interest fade, he can opt out provided he fulfills the current season commitment.

Piano, on the other hand... was more our choosing. He actually pestered us about starting when he was four, so we took the opportunity of using it as a carrot: "Yes, son, as soon as you turn five -- if you are reaaaallllyy good, we'll let you take lessons." (Ha!)

He's done well, and if he didn't have the ability, we would not have insisted that he continue. But... he's already better at counting than his mother and reads both clefs better than I ever could.

He definitely considers the practice to be pure evil, but enjoys his lessons and, more recently, has felt pretty proud about some of the songs he's learned. Over the summer break, I caught him sitting down to play on his own several times -- purely for fun. I told him later how much I enjoyed hearing him play while I worked in another room... just as I've enjoyed listening to his mother play over the years. I didn't want to make to big a deal, but did want him to know that it brought pleasure to others in the house... I think he understood.

Between the sports & music, I think he's staying pretty well-rounded and is having quite a bit of fun, while learning some great skills.

Speaking as a late bloomer who didn't skip a grade, I can attest to that. I felt so physically behind everyone else when I was in 7th grade, it wasn't funny. Then, as if by magic, it all changed without me even noticing in 8th grade. I only became aware that I had changed when external confirmations started happening (went from being the last one picked for the team to the first one, etc.).

Val

Well -- the lawn never did get mowed today. Maybe tomorrow (or maybe not).

I got an email from son's current teacher this evening; he said he'd be available to meet tomorrow after school.

So, in preparing for the pow-wow (I tend to be over-prepared, can you tell?), I've been reading more about acceleration and came across an article at EdWeek.org: Whatever Happened to Grade Skipping?

It is co-authored by Laura Vanderkam (Genius Denied) and while much of the argument is quite familiar, the article is current (published Aug 12, 2009) and includes what some schools are doing now to address the needs of gifted students.

In one respect, I like some of the approaches shown, especially the model employed in Lebanon, PA, where all the kids are screened by "subject competency," essentially allowing every student to attend whatever grade-level class is appropriate. As pointed out in the article, this approach squarely deals with the critics, as all kids are individually placed and there is no labeling involved.

What I am left wondering, though -- especially in terms of what we are contemplating with our son -- is whether or not the grade skip alone will truly provide all that is needed?

In my conversation with Mr. Teacher tomorrow, I am intending to ask him about telescoping in addition to acceleration. After all, DS is not going to be challenged by 5th grade math if he gets 180 days to learn what he can probably handle in 90 days (or less).

By relying on grade-skipping alone, in order to truly challenge him in math, we'd have to put him into 6th, where he'd be hamstrung for lack of 5th grade math and essentially forced to learn them both concurrently. (Although I wouldn't call that "challenged," I'd call that cruel & unusual.)

This leans me toward EPGY, etc. for use with in-class math (& language arts?) because on-line programs are naturally geared for telescoping.

Sorry to go on & on, but I'm really trying to clarify this dizzying array of choices in my mind... and sharing (blathering?) here helps a bunch.

Any other thoughts on acceleration v. telescoping?

edit:[I see "Acceleration" as grade (or single-subject)-skipping, whereas "telescoping" seems to be "moving through curriculum more quickly."]