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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 43
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 43 |
I believe most parents with gifted children are in this same boat at one point or another. We were. Ds went to PS Kindergarten and begin thinking that school was for playing and not learning b/c he didn't learn anything that year. We pulled him out and homeschooled him last year. But even then most of the curriculum I had picked really didn't challenge him. Only at the end of the school year did he fell challenged in math but not so much he was still breezing through it. This year we are doing a Virtual Public School and they have actually allowed him to skip 2nd grade. So, he will start 3rd grade. School starts Monday and I talked with his teacher the other day about his math. He finished a 3rd grade math curriculum last year and over the Summer he started a 5th grade math program. She wants him to just take the lesson assesments for 3rd and thinks he could be finished in 2 weeks. Then do the same for 4th grade. She thinks he will probably start 5th grade math in january. He will be doing this for a couple other subjects too. YEAH a public school that gets gifted children. I think this school year ds will get that challenge and may even fail a few test. I hope this all works out.
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Dandy - thank you for your post! You expressed it very well!!
I pulled my son from PS last year. I HS'd him for 3rd grade. In January, we finally hit some math that he just didn't instantly know and BAM - that started a 3 month mental shut down for him. He even said that he was so used to always already knowing everything. Also, he equates being quick w/ mental math and math facts as smart and since he just can't seem to get those darn times tables to stick in the allotted time for tests, it really dinged his self-esteem really hard. He said he went from everything being too easy to things being challenging in homeschool. I was soooo happy that we had finally hit something he needed to work on to teach him perseverance, resilience etc but it really hit him hard. In most other areas I don't challenge him enough I think so I hope to up the lit discussions to a higher level this year as I know he's capable of it.
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 146
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 146 |
This is exactly what I'm worried. The same thing happened to me. I failed my first class in grad school. It was a horrible stress for me, like a nightmare. I did not tell anybody, I was so ashamed and it took me a year to find the courage to try it again. I truly thought I'm going to fail and never graduate because of one stupid test. Finally I studied really hard for weeks before going to the test. I had no idea that the you were supposed to study (like read) your books before exams! I only read for fun.
I always felt I should be the first person to leave the test room as that is how it was always.
I'm still struggling with laziness. I tend to work quite hard for a while and then give up and wait for "inspiration". Somehow I'm able to get something done, but I would be so much more efficient if I would be able to produce something every day, instead of every third. I'm even thinking that maybe some testing might help me but as I'm not a native english speaker it might be difficult to draw any conclusions.
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Joined: Aug 2008
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So many Gifted kids turn out to be underachieving adults for this reason. A great mind is a terrible thing to waste. :-) Why does the educational system insist on doing just that? I look at today's classroom with 30 kids... one where the teacher already has a split grade (4th/5th) situation... where a handful of kids have ZERO parental support other than maybe getting them to school every day... where the teacher has to worry about all the gov't-mandated curriculum... and the budgets really are slashed... aids are gone... materials are ancient... And then here I come with my precious little snowflake who won't quite fit in with this (or any) classroom, essentially needing his own specialized curriculum and instruction. And I'm telling the school that he really & truly needs help, even when his grades are fine and he's not a behavioral issue (yet)! So I'd say I'm quite able to see it from their perspective and it does make sense to me in that context. But then I put back on my taxpaying parent hat and say, "Hey!" "How about a little more help over here?" ------------ I am so incredibly in awe (jealous?) of those who are able to homeschool their kids. And it definitely seems to be one of the most likely solutions, allowing for a completely customized curriculum. Our only problem is that one or both of us would wind up buried in the backyard. Just from the little bit of work that we've done together on math, writing and piano, it's clear that for the mental health of this family, homeschooling is a road we must not travel. Your responses here have been great, helping me to know that I am on the right track. Finally getting my thoughts into writing has helped clarify many aspects of this challenge, hopefully better preparing me for my role as advocate. Thanks so much!
Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house. - Fran Lebowitz
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,815
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Dandy ... there are many different paths...it's just finding the right one for the child/family that's the hard part! My ideal situation would be half-day school which was fun/challenging and then half day at home so we can do the far out science/history stuff (and I'd have that break in the day for me and to enjoy my last baby whose already 2.5yrs old). Sigh......
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 207
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Thank you for your post Dandy. It has certainly strike a chord with many here. I feel it especially so that the kids are starting a new school.
I sent out an "extremely" polite email (in my view) enquiring about school support for DS9.
I received an almost immediate response of "we know where your DS stands,(from results from entrance tests and recommendations from teachers/ psychologist from previous school) BUT, based on our experience, students who are good in some areas lack certain skills in others..... Class room teacher should be given a few weeks to access her students... blah blah blah. "
Well, you get the gist. Dh said it simply meant that "don't bug us" We know what to do with our students. I felt so dejected after receiving the response. I would think the least they could do is to allow a meeting with the parent and find out more!
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207
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Posts: 7,207 |
From the 'Lazy thread' Dandy, i agree that this is a serious problem. 'Learning how to learn' is one of the key benefits of school.
Of course there may also be a connection between DS's unwillingness to do what you ask at home with the situation at school. This means that homeschooling may go more smoothly than you had planned. Of course, reversing underachievement is lots of hard work, and painful. I've been there.
You want to change the teachers. I wish you good luck, but warn you that it can be a huge timewaster. Some teachers can and some can't. Many of the ones that 'can' already 'do.' But there are a few out there who are convertible. Have you looked at what YOU can do to change things? Generally speaking, a person has a lot more control overthemselves than they do over others.
So what, exactly, can you change?
1) you can homeschool
2) you can get him privately assessed to see if you can support his advanced abilities and build a relationship with a profession who is willing to advocate with the school for you to get nescessary accomidation.
3) Repeat every day: Giftedness is a special educational need, which anyone who understood the nature of the problem would want to help fill.
4) If your child is 'moderately gifted' afterschool programs, Saturday enrichment or individual tutoring on the weekend might be enough.
5) Check out the parenting books by Howard Glasser. One of them will fit your home situation. I particularly like Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach
Also read Sylvia Rimm 'Why Bright Children get Poor Grades.'
6) Start saving now for gifted summer camp
There are more ways to pluck this chicken. Your thread was so powerful, that you threadjacked your own self! I've never seen that happen. I related to it also, and it was very beautifully stated. But that didn't answer your question: what can be done.
Turns out that lots and lots can be done! Have hope! Keep posting about every little thing that is bothering you. We will try harder next time!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,815
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Grinity - I definitely agree with you. As school became worse for DS, he became worse at home. NOW - he was seemingly perfectly fine at school. Teachers never noticed anything. He sat their quietly, did what he was told for the most part with a few reminders to stay on task but NEVER any problems and never had his card flipped from green in 3years. But his behaviour deteriorated at home. The dr said to watch and see what happens over the summer and nice wonderful boy returned. We still had issues but nothing like when he was in school. I often thought about it and my best guess was that he was so fed up doing what he was told and doing what he didn't want to do at school, he certainly wasn't going to do anything he didn't want to do at home ...as if he gave everything he had at school and just couldn't put up w/ anything at home. He had no emotional reserve left and would blow up. I noticed the exact same thing in my Ker last year. In the space of an hour at home, he'd have 2-3 fits/blowups. He was just a ball of nerves.
the other thing I thought of while cutting the grass....w/ my 2nd DS, it seemed like he was angry at ME, presumably for forcing him to go to school. In the morning waiting for the bus, he kept his distance, was very stiff when I kissed him etc...and he's normally very affectionate towards me.
Last edited by Dazed&Confuzed; 08/21/09 07:30 AM.
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,207
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As for school, we did the grade skip, we added acceleration but he was still sitting reading books at his desk most of the day. The school just wasn't working for us, so I quit my job and pulled him out mid-year to start cyberschooling, something I never imagined myself doing. We battled the first 2 months, and when I asked him if he behaved this way in school to his teacher his reply was "No, things weren't this difficult in school". So, he's being more challenged but I'm taking the brunt of his frustrations of having to actually put in some effort and work.
Outside of school, I'd definitely say he's a lazy kid. When he wants a new Lego, we'll tell him he needs to earn $ by doing chores. His reply will usually be that he'll ask for it for his birthday or Christmas. Ziggy take a walk on the hall of fame! This is above and beyond the call of ordinary parenting. Well done. I love your determination that your son will learn how to learn. I've heard that lots of moms have had to 'unschool' for a while when they first started homeschooling so that the child could re-learn how to find the interest in their own soul. But with a child who has had 'enforced underachievement' for so long - it is so tricky! I wouldn't say that your son is exhibiting lazy behavior with the legos. He is able to think ahead in a way that is 'too mature' for his age. How old is he? If you watch carefully, I believe you will be able to discover exactly what his motivations are. My son was one who was motivated by things that were not typical of his age. For a while I was walking around the house telling him when he gained and lost 'respect points' through his behavior. The points didn't earn him anything, he just wanted to know, and to have the recognition. Gifties can be odd. Best Wishes, Grinity
Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 24
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 24 |
[quote=Breakaway4]
And then here I come with my precious little snowflake who won't quite fit in with this (or any) classroom, essentially needing his own specialized curriculum and instruction. And I'm telling the school that he really & truly needs help, even when his grades are fine and he's not a behavioral issue (yet)! Wow What a fantastic thread, unfortunately no advise from me either as we are experiencing the same thing, and when the behavioral issues start the schools still aren't listening and infact in our experience blame the parents for any problems
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