Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Grade skipping fears

I know, I have read the older posts, most of you are used to grade skipping and its "nay sayers". But I am so nervous! We have a meeting soon, are considering asking for DD5 to skip K and DD9 to do subject acceleration in 4th, year after would then go to 6th.

Seriously, what about friendships? What about them being exposed to children's sophisticated ideas about sex or whatever? Does it always work out well - have any of you had problems? I feel so weird about it, although academically is necessary.
Thanks so much,
Elizabethmom

Hi Elizabeth

My son skipped 1st and went to 2nd this year and my daughter is in the 4th grade and will go to 6th grade this fall.

I think the answer socially depends on the child. My son is mister popular. Skipping grades suddenly made him the "talk" of second grade. He has a positive, outgoing personality and playdates for his 1st and 2nd grade buddies are many. Plus he is in scouts with his 1st grade buddies and baseball, too. No issues at all.

DD is an introverted child with a high IQ and very different interests than most children her age. She is not going to become more or less social in 6th grade, but she will finally be around children who at least on some level have more in common with her intellectually. She is well aware that the 6th graders are more "worldly" and since she had already taken some classes with the 6th graders, we have had a touch of that. However the teachers have reigned control over the class and it has not been a problem.

Yes, you are going to have him come home with a few choice new words, and there are boy-girl issues that rear their heads. None of it will be perfect or without issues, but I have not found it to be a problem thus far or frankly very often. We just deal with it.

I will tell you in 5th grade in my school they have "the talk" and so if you haven't gotten there yet with your son, better do so now.

As for awkward situations, my parents told me just to walk away if I felt uncomfortable. I did that a few times. And for the most part, most other kids are sensitive to the age differential as well. And smart kids are going to perceive a lot more that normal kids anyway even without the skips.

I have the same concerns as you. DS is skipping 4th and will begin 5th next year having just turned 9 last month. Academically, I'm not really concerned about anything other than filling in the blanks for fundamental things missed in 4th. However, socially? Whew, that's a whole other issue - so many questions/concerns/what ifs and so on. I'm sure part of it is over-worrying about the 'unknown'. Even now, in 3rd there have been topics of discussion among classmates that are waaaay beyond what DS was ready for. Not that he doesn't logically get it, but he's not emotionally ready for some of these things, kwim?

Good luck to you.

Thanks for the feedback. My DD5 has been with the same kids since she was 2. She has grown apart from them recently, and wants to skip K, but I am expecting a last minute panic when her old friends go to one classroom and she goes to another.

Then, DD9 knows the kids who will be in 5th with her next year, and will even see her old friends part of the day in Hebrew, but the following year she will be a total sixth grader. I do wonder if, again, there will be moments of lonliness when she'll miss her old friends.

I am having a really hard time with this. I wished all day yesterday that I just had normal kids. I don't know what to say to the other parents, I don't know if DD5 can handle a full day program (it is super long, 8:20 - 3:45), I don't know if she will get the nurturing that she still needs. Ugh. I feel almost guilty, like I've done something wrong, but then I read all of those acceleration articles and am reminded that this really is the right decision.

EMom,

I'm right there with you. My DS6 is being radically accelerated 3 grade levels next year. Although I know it's the best thing for him academically I have already chosen next years entire homeschool curriculum. So although I read the same articles as you, I'm a little freaked out and already set up for failure. The kids he'll be with next year are a lot of the same kids he was with this year during accelerated classes but the whole situation sort of freaks me out.

Just one very old perspective -- I skipped 1st myself and never really noticed much difference growing up. I have a winter birthday so was one of the older kids in the class before the skip. They assigned me a buddy in the new class since I made the skip partway into the school year; I think that was a great idea. I remember very little about it, to be honest. But as far as middle and high school -- it really didn't bother me being younger than my classmates. I got my driver's license a little later, that was the main difference; but I don't remember it being a problem for me. Of course this was back in the dark ages, so social pressures might be different now. But my own experience was a positive one. Oh, almost forgot, I did go over to the university for English lit my senior year of HS and that was absolutely no trouble at all (had taken AP English in 11th grade already). I was 16-17 at the time, able to drive myself etc. I forbade the professor to tell the other students that I was still in HS. lol. It was an evening class and the age difference just never came up.

I wonder about grade skipping for DS5. He is far enough beyond kindergarten academically that it seems ridiculous to keep him at that level, but his emotional maturity is not that high and we don't know if it would be a wise choice for him, at least not for the K year. But he's going into language immersion, so grade skipping might not be an option anyway. Elizabethmom, I have some of the same concerns as you even with kindergarten -- it's a long day here (8 - 3) and I don't know how well he will adapt. Good luck with your DD. I think it's normal to worry regardless of what you have decided to do!

It's tough. DD4 (almost 5) is skipping K this year and going to first. I have some concerns as well. He hasn't been in a full day program, only attends a montessori school for 3 hours a day 3 days a week. So a full day may be a challenge. I don't doubt the academic piece at all...in fact they are definitely going to need to do some subject acceleration. But I do worry about the social aspect, the loud cafeteria, his first fire drill, him peeing on himself (he tends to wait until he can barely hold it and runs to the bathroom...that's not going to work in school). Also I worry about the words that he will be exposed to that he does not at all know and has never heard. That's frightening to me. But I still can't imagine him in K and know that would be a nightmare. For us I think skipping K is the better choice, even though it's not the perfect choice. There really isn't a perfect choice for a kids like him. DS4 is also quite outgoing and extroverted, so we are hopeful that he will be able to jump right in there. Only time will tell....

A funny story that occurred this morning related to this post. We were meeting to discuss the planning for DD10's skip to 6th. She's currently in 6th grade reading now. The reading teacher attended the meeting and told me they are reading a story in which boyfriends and girlfriends are mentioned. One of the 6th grade students came over and whispered into the teacher's ear: This story talks about BOYFRIENDS? Do you think it will be okay for (pointed at my dd)?" The teacher told her that DD would have to just talk about it with her mother (me).

I thought this was cute and sweet and sensitive. Not all older children are monsters.

Thanks CFK. This was a great post to read. I really need this.