I know, I have read the older posts, most of you are used to grade skipping and its "nay sayers". But I am so nervous! We have a meeting soon, are considering asking for DD5 to skip K and DD9 to do subject acceleration in 4th, year after would then go to 6th.

Seriously, what about friendships? What about them being exposed to children's sophisticated ideas about sex or whatever? Does it always work out well - have any of you had problems? I feel so weird about it, although academically is necessary.
Thanks so much,
Elizabethmom

Hi Elizabeth

My son skipped 1st and went to 2nd this year and my daughter is in the 4th grade and will go to 6th grade this fall.

I think the answer socially depends on the child. My son is mister popular. Skipping grades suddenly made him the "talk" of second grade. He has a positive, outgoing personality and playdates for his 1st and 2nd grade buddies are many. Plus he is in scouts with his 1st grade buddies and baseball, too. No issues at all.

DD is an introverted child with a high IQ and very different interests than most children her age. She is not going to become more or less social in 6th grade, but she will finally be around children who at least on some level have more in common with her intellectually. She is well aware that the 6th graders are more "worldly" and since she had already taken some classes with the 6th graders, we have had a touch of that. However the teachers have reigned control over the class and it has not been a problem.

Yes, you are going to have him come home with a few choice new words, and there are boy-girl issues that rear their heads. None of it will be perfect or without issues, but I have not found it to be a problem thus far or frankly very often. We just deal with it.

I will tell you in 5th grade in my school they have "the talk" and so if you haven't gotten there yet with your son, better do so now.

As for awkward situations, my parents told me just to walk away if I felt uncomfortable. I did that a few times. And for the most part, most other kids are sensitive to the age differential as well. And smart kids are going to perceive a lot more that normal kids anyway even without the skips.

I have the same concerns as you. DS is skipping 4th and will begin 5th next year having just turned 9 last month. Academically, I'm not really concerned about anything other than filling in the blanks for fundamental things missed in 4th. However, socially? Whew, that's a whole other issue - so many questions/concerns/what ifs and so on. I'm sure part of it is over-worrying about the 'unknown'. Even now, in 3rd there have been topics of discussion among classmates that are waaaay beyond what DS was ready for. Not that he doesn't logically get it, but he's not emotionally ready for some of these things, kwim?

Good luck to you.

Thanks for the feedback. My DD5 has been with the same kids since she was 2. She has grown apart from them recently, and wants to skip K, but I am expecting a last minute panic when her old friends go to one classroom and she goes to another.

Then, DD9 knows the kids who will be in 5th with her next year, and will even see her old friends part of the day in Hebrew, but the following year she will be a total sixth grader. I do wonder if, again, there will be moments of lonliness when she'll miss her old friends.

I am having a really hard time with this. I wished all day yesterday that I just had normal kids. I don't know what to say to the other parents, I don't know if DD5 can handle a full day program (it is super long, 8:20 - 3:45), I don't know if she will get the nurturing that she still needs. Ugh. I feel almost guilty, like I've done something wrong, but then I read all of those acceleration articles and am reminded that this really is the right decision.

EMom,

I'm right there with you. My DS6 is being radically accelerated 3 grade levels next year. Although I know it's the best thing for him academically I have already chosen next years entire homeschool curriculum. So although I read the same articles as you, I'm a little freaked out and already set up for failure. The kids he'll be with next year are a lot of the same kids he was with this year during accelerated classes but the whole situation sort of freaks me out.

Just one very old perspective -- I skipped 1st myself and never really noticed much difference growing up. I have a winter birthday so was one of the older kids in the class before the skip. They assigned me a buddy in the new class since I made the skip partway into the school year; I think that was a great idea. I remember very little about it, to be honest. But as far as middle and high school -- it really didn't bother me being younger than my classmates. I got my driver's license a little later, that was the main difference; but I don't remember it being a problem for me. Of course this was back in the dark ages, so social pressures might be different now. But my own experience was a positive one. Oh, almost forgot, I did go over to the university for English lit my senior year of HS and that was absolutely no trouble at all (had taken AP English in 11th grade already). I was 16-17 at the time, able to drive myself etc. I forbade the professor to tell the other students that I was still in HS. lol. It was an evening class and the age difference just never came up.

I wonder about grade skipping for DS5. He is far enough beyond kindergarten academically that it seems ridiculous to keep him at that level, but his emotional maturity is not that high and we don't know if it would be a wise choice for him, at least not for the K year. But he's going into language immersion, so grade skipping might not be an option anyway. Elizabethmom, I have some of the same concerns as you even with kindergarten -- it's a long day here (8 - 3) and I don't know how well he will adapt. Good luck with your DD. I think it's normal to worry regardless of what you have decided to do!

It's tough. DD4 (almost 5) is skipping K this year and going to first. I have some concerns as well. He hasn't been in a full day program, only attends a montessori school for 3 hours a day 3 days a week. So a full day may be a challenge. I don't doubt the academic piece at all...in fact they are definitely going to need to do some subject acceleration. But I do worry about the social aspect, the loud cafeteria, his first fire drill, him peeing on himself (he tends to wait until he can barely hold it and runs to the bathroom...that's not going to work in school). Also I worry about the words that he will be exposed to that he does not at all know and has never heard. That's frightening to me. But I still can't imagine him in K and know that would be a nightmare. For us I think skipping K is the better choice, even though it's not the perfect choice. There really isn't a perfect choice for a kids like him. DS4 is also quite outgoing and extroverted, so we are hopeful that he will be able to jump right in there. Only time will tell....

A funny story that occurred this morning related to this post. We were meeting to discuss the planning for DD10's skip to 6th. She's currently in 6th grade reading now. The reading teacher attended the meeting and told me they are reading a story in which boyfriends and girlfriends are mentioned. One of the 6th grade students came over and whispered into the teacher's ear: This story talks about BOYFRIENDS? Do you think it will be okay for (pointed at my dd)?" The teacher told her that DD would have to just talk about it with her mother (me).

I thought this was cute and sweet and sensitive. Not all older children are monsters.

Thanks CFK. This was a great post to read. I really need this.

You may have already heard this advice but take a look at the Iowa Acceleration Scale. It was very helpful to us because it gives you a number and puts that on a scale of "excellent candidate" to "don't do this". It does require an IQ test and above level testing.

We skipped our son from 1st to 3rd just this past school year at a small private school. He turned 7 toward the end of July and all the other kids in his class (there were only 4) turned 9 in September. So, I thought that might be an issue but it never seemed to be. I think he did miss having recess. Being in a small class helped ease the transition, I think, although the school was still unable to meet his academic needs.

We are moving to a school district with a better gifted program. We'll have to see how he does in a class of 22+ kids who are all older than he is. I think he'll be fine but I do worry some about it.

I started K when I was only 4 (instead of the required 5) and did have some social issues in junior high. HOWEVER, I was so shy that I'm pretty sure I would have had those same issues whether I was the same age as the other kids or not. I did get my driver's license later and went off to college at 17 and couldn't get a phone in my dorm room because I wasn't 18. No big deal. I think a large part of it does depend on the child's personality. It's not a one-size-fits-all decision.

I'd like to reply to everyone, but especially CFK. Thanks for the thoughtful post!
It is a great checklist for me:
Yes, she'll be functioning at 2nd grade level when she skips to first grade
Yes, she can handle new children well and actually knows about half of the kids that she'll be with
No, I wouldn't force the situation, either they are "on board" or we don't do it or find another school
Yes, I still have concerns but I agree that my confidence level is a big factor and I am getting more sure about this as I think about it.

Thanks again, all!

We lived in MN when my daughter was supposed to enter Kindergarten in the fall that year - she had been tested at 3 1/2 and we knew IQ - reading level and approached her assigned school in the spring wondering if they would look at her test results and consider letting her skip K. They required us to have her tested again, sent a team of folks from the school (counselor, teachers, principal, etc) to her montessori school to observe her interaction - did she gravitate towards older children, how she handled herself socially - confidence level with older children, etc. She has a late Feb birthday and the psychologist gave some excellent advice to consider and some comparisons - First, he told us one of the "mistakes" in advancing gifted children is that you take a high achiever, used to being in more of a "leadership" role in many academic areas and run the risk of putting them with an older group where they are then more average in academics and this can be a huge upset in the dynamics they are used to and should feel. What he did was provide us with an academic comparison chart to children a full year to almost 2 years older than her. His advice was to make sure in the comparison she would still fall in the upper 10% of the class, which she did. In fact, the school advised us in advance of the testing, she would need to score in the 98th percentile or higher to be considered at all in skipping K. After all of the observations, chart comparisons and analysis we all made the decision it would be to her advantage to skip. The other great piece of advice we got was to go ahead and let her spend the last 2 months of the school year in an actual K class so that she would have the K experience, not really knowing she had missed the bulk of the entire school year, but would be able to relate to conversations about K.

Having said all of this, she was fine, top of her class from 1st grade to 4th grade - grades were excellent, no problems were apparent. We moved back to NC when she was in 3rd grade and as she was approaching the Christmas break of her 4th grade year she started begging to go back to 3rd grade. She said the kids were mean to her at school and would ridicule her as the smart kid and laugh when she incorrectly answered something in class. The other issue was at that age she was more naive than some of her peers and wouldn't get the "jokes". She was and still is a very "black and white" person and takes things very literally. The age difference became an issue for the first time - there were children almost 2 years older than her and none closer in age than 14 months. The psychologist had warned about these peer pressure differences and they had finally emerged. It got to the point of her actually crying almost every morning, begging daily not to have to go to school and to please put her back into 3rd grade. We talked with the principal who refused to make the change because of her EOG (End of Grade) test scores and grades. We had to switch to another school where the principal agreed to move her back and guaranteed he would keep her motivated, and he did. I'm sure we could have forced the issue and insisted she stay where she was academically exceeding but the emotional/social struggle was too painful to put her through. I don't regret making the original decision to skip K, and don't regret moving her back when SHE wanted and needed to be moved. I'm thankful she was able to articulate her need to move back and not sure all children would be able to do this. A 4 or 5 year old looks at friends and social situations quite differently than an older child.

Just food for thought and something to keep in mind when you are trying to make your decision. She is now a 9th grader, was totally bored in school during middle school, but had so many other outside interests it worked out ok - and she was happy socially. High school provides more academic challenges and opportunities, with IB and AP programs offered there are many ways to keep her mind challenged.

Good luck with your decisions!

Just wanted to share our experience with a recent skip with DD10. Last year she completed 4th grade without any gifted services. We moved to a new district and she was skipped to 6th grade math and language arts. She was in 5th grade gt class for all other subjects, but due to early entrance to K and then many of her gt classmates being "red shirted" she is up to 2 years younger than her classmates. Academically the skip wasn't an issue and her teacher filled any gaps when necessary.

Maturity wise DD gets along better with her classmates than ever before. She used to be bullied, but now has found kids that think like her. Physically some of the girls look much more mature and I suspect this will be a bigger issue next year in middle school than it is now. Some of the girls do stay up later during the week and watch shows that DD is not allowed to watch, which creates a little bit of a gap. But these are issues we talk about all the time with DD and she is fine with being the youngest and has a great attitude about it all.

In mixed aged groups, DD seeks children about 2-3 years older and seems to have a comfortable rapport. So it is only natural that this works well in school as well.

Good luck with your decision. The skip and change was a good fit for DD and I am so glad we took the plunge.

Jen

Mommy2em: this is so important: having those conversations, discussing her day, asking for more detail on a problem to get to the bottom of it. Acceleration is more work for student and parent alike. A strong support network is imperative.

We were dealing with very similar issues last year. DD started the year in a gifted preschool and was "capped" academically and was not accepted by her age peers. In fact, she had a very difficult time relating to her age peers. Yes, even at a gifted school. All her classes were with the older kids anyway. Once we had her WPPSI done for enrollment, we found that she hit the ceiling and ended up taking the S-B with the higher ceiling where she tested well in the PG range. The psychologist expressed concern that she would have difficulty "fitting in" at the local gifted school. We met with the school and they decided to use the Iowa Acceleration Scale on her which helps schools put a quantitative value on these types of decisions. The IAS put her in the "strong candidate" range for acceleration. So she transferred into K the last month last school year and spent this year in 1st.

Her birthday is in Feb. so she was quite self conscious of her age. She is very petite (even among her age peers) and we had a problem with some of the kids wanting to carry her all the time. I don't believe that is an issue now. All the teachers have now agreed that this was the right decision for her. She "fits in."

I personally feel that starting the school year with the acceleration is preferred to a mid year acceleration. The children just start out the year learning about their new friends and accept them as the year progresses. When dd accelerated in K mid year last year, she was an oddity and it made all the kids ask their 101 questions.

It was funny how so many "nay-sayers" would comment on how acceleration negatively affects their social relationship with their peers, but in our case, it is what she needed academically and socially.

Our DS6 skipped K and was in 1st this year, and it's worked out just fine. He was in a half-day preschool for two years and went to full-day 1st grade. We're going ahead with 2nd next year, but with an eye toward skipping if it seems wise. He has frustration issues with the kids not doing things the way he thinks they should, and kids doing the things kids do regarding friendship and playtime--which actually makes it better to be with the slightly older kids, because there is a bit less of that and a bit more tolerance for his frustration. Academically, he is torn between wanting to do what he is capable of and interested in and not wanting to do something different from the rest of the class. I would have to say he adjusted well to the longer day and the school routines, and it was good to at least have him in a classroom where he had higher-level stuff available to him--preschool would have been hard-put to find anything useful at all for him to do. We have had our ups and downs, but if we could have done anything at all to solve the problems this year, it would have been to skip him further ahead, not move him back (even though he occasionally said he wanted to go back to preschool).

Good luck!

My son skipped 2nd grade partway through the year and it was not without some social struggles. First he got picked on by a child much bigger than him and my son is not very assertive. Then my son seems to recognize the 'cool' popular, athletic kids and seeks out friendships with them. He tries to be one of them and it's hard for me to witness because he is not an athletically-talented kid, especially compared with a bunch of much bigger kids- they are not mean though and seem ok with him. He was more of a leader in his old class, now he's trying to fit in.

Overall the grade skip was justified. He is still at the top of his class, although now he has some peers that are near where he is. Math is still an issue, but I figured we deal with one thing at a time and not press for further acceleration.

The social issues are very valid concerns. I would just take things as they come.

CFK's post on that last page was right on target in our experience. Redshirting is also very common where we are and both of our children have fall bds, making them very young for grade already b/c we didn't wait to start them in school. Our oldest is just finishing up 6th grade having skipped 5th this year. She started middle school this year shortly before her 10th bd making her as much as two years younger than some of the kids in her grade. She has had a 4.0 all year in the accelerated classes and still tests in the 99th percentile for the grade she is in on the few nationally normed tests she has been given. CFK's comment about wanting the child still to be near the top of the class really resonates with me.

Our district will skip children using the Iowa Acceleration Scale as a guide, but without IQ scores, which I find disconcerting. In our instance, we did have the IQ scores, but the GT coordinator said that they usually don't and they just edit that part out of the IAS and figure an adjusted total w/out the possible points for IQ.

Assuming that your district isn't doing anything screwy like that, I did find that the IAS was a useful tool. Socially, this has actually been a really good year for dd as well. I don't know long-term how that will play out, but the advice I was given last year by her GT teacher was to make decisions based on what is right for her right now and not what I think will be right for her in five years.

I've read all these posts, and am still agonizing about what to do with my youngest child. She's in K (just turned 6), is reading/comprehending at 3rd grade and doing 2nd grade math. We're debating whether to skip her to 2nd directly from K. We had her IQ assessed, and her GAI was 148. Her processing speed is only 100 though. She easily did her older sister's homework this entire K year because the K homework was too easy. Frankly, I felt even the 1st grade homework was too easy for her this last year. We completed the Iowa Acceleration Scale, and she is an excellent canidate for whole grade acceleration. So, why then am I so worried about it? I fear that if she is in the middle of the pack vs. a leader that her self esteem would be negatively affected. I am also worried that she'll still be 16 when she finishes HS, and that she'll be exposed to peer pressure earlier than she otherwise would have. Should we just cross our fingers and hope for the best?

I wish I had Grade-Skipping available to me. My "C" was able to do all the 2nd Grade Math in 1rst Grade, and was sent to second Grade during her 1rst Grade for "Reading Counts". If it is available to you, and you can skipp, AND have someone at home to assist in the event it's too "above" for your child...go for it. I am in Florida, and skipping is no longer an option. My child is getting testet for the "Gifted Program" starting in 3rd Grade. The test she has to undergo is nowhere to be found online. Frustrating. However, do you have dual-enrollment available in your State once your child is 15/16? KEEP them occupied ,is my solution. With a good balance of FUN stuff, once home...so they don't get burned out,we should succeed. Besides, I am from Germany, and guess what: when we graduate at 18 from HS, we already have our "Abitur" wich equals largly an AA Degree.
Peer pressure, you are going to have to deal with sooner or later anyways. Seem's to me you already dealing with it by thinking about it. As do I. My child might not to be accepted to the Florida Gifted Program, and at this point- I am not even sure I let her attend it.(many more questions need to be explained first). Well let us know, how you decide, and how things go afterwards.
Sincerely, ClC

This is very astute of him.

My dd started K when she was 4.4 years old and then skipped 1st grade.. She's a very outgoing child and makes friends very easily so socially she did not have any problems. She's 8 now and is in the finishing 8th grade this year. So that's a lot of skipping for her. But she fits right in.

Thanks for your thoughts. My husband (who started 2nd grade at 4 yrs, and then repeated 2nd grade because of social immaturity)is leaning towards just sending her to 1st because he worries about the social stuff that he encountered. I am leaning the other way. We are having a placement conference with the principal & teachers tomorrow. I'll let you know what we decide. Thank you!

I think it depends on the child. A lot of parents on here advocated skipping. My DS6 did skip kindergarten and is in 1st grade. The social side of it has not been pleasant for my DS. In Sept we are putting him in 1st when he enters public. He has been teased this year called a baby called disgusting (for picking his nose). When I told him all the kids will be his age in his new school, he was so happy. And the work is still too easy so I don't think a skip did anything to challenge him meanwhile it wasn't a positive experience socially/emotionally. Oh and he knows he is they youngest and hated being younger than everyone else, like being a higher age meant they were better than he was.

Traceygns

How terrible for your son! That is unacceptable and shame on the school for allowing him to be bullied.

What a different circumstance we had. Son skipped from 1st to second, quickly became the most popular kid in the second grade. Playdates too many to count and highly engaged socially. Were the situations reversed I too would have thought what the heck have I done!

It is possible that the new school will be different. I assume he wasn't in a public school before?

Hi Marieg,
Thanks for the message. Yeah it has been a rough year. He is in a montessori school now. When I told him he got into the gifted public he said "does the score determine the teasing level" So sad. This could def be a school issue more than a grade skipping issue. Well we hope next year he will be happier.

Glad to hear your son has had a good experience. Mother's guilt, I feel guilty for skipping him.

Just wondering: why? I'm not sure I fully see the reasoning here.

It seems to me that if a child understands, say, grade 1 material in kindergarten, s/he should be able to skip to grade 2. Given that the child would have to be reasonably bright to do this, the grade 2 curriculum shouldn't present a huge challenge. From what I've read, even if second grade is challenging initially, many, many gifted kids will catch up by quickly and be ahead again soon.

Although I see the point about not wanting a child to struggle academically and socially, I'm not sure I agree with ensuring that the child remains at the top of the class? Why is this necessary? To me it seems beneficial to have to learn to work a bit at understanding something. I see and meet too many gifted kids and adults who never learned how to work through a challenge, and I'm convinced that the problem starts in primary school.

My DS skipped 3rd grade this past year and had an +3-by-age acceleration in maths. School was still too easy. The major benefit was that it was merely too easy, rather than mind-numbingly dull. And I don't think my kids have IQs near a lot of the kids I read about on this list.

I guess all this is a roundabout way of saying that gradeskips should be more widely available.



That I agree with.

Val

We met with the principal and teachers and decided to not skip my kindergartener to 2nd. For a variety of reasons, we concluded the better year to skip would be next year, going from 1 to 3.

But, we did decide at that meeting to skip my 1st grader to 3rd. :-) Now we are debating whether to continue with the math-pull out program and pull her up to 4th for math....