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    #45004 - 04/17/09 07:24 PM Rules on the frig?
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    Doesn anyone have a small list of written rules on the frig or elsewhere for their kids? We wrote some this week. 5 to be exact; and it seems to be helping some. I say "that's rule #2." just curious what yours may be

    Ours are:
    1. Respect Mommy and Daddy. Obey.
    2. No whining.
    3. Have fun (he helped - and then I added); but be serious sometimes too.
    4. No hitting (new learned behavior -ugg).
    5. No screaming.

    I am sure I need to change the "no" ones to a positive rule; so I am up for suggestions. thanks
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    #45005 - 04/17/09 07:52 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: Mom0405]
    minniemarx Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/31/08
    Posts: 466
    Hi, Mom0405,

    For a long time, we kept three lists on the fridge (they have been displaced by the boys' artwork, but I may move some more of that to the walls so I can put the lists back up again).

    My lists were kind of hokey, but the kids liked them, and so did I. They were called "Gratitude is the Attitude!" (everybody, grownups included, had to write down something for which they were grateful every day), "I did something Nice for someone today!" (each of us had to write down one thing we had done each day which we thought had been specially kind or helpful), and "I love my family!" (we each wrote something we particularly appreciated about at least one other member of the family on that day).

    This kind of stuff seems to work better for us at our house than saying "no" (which is certainly my default setting--hence the lists! I was trying to pull up my own socks, as much as theirs.) There's been more bickering around here lately than usual (lots of stress, with two sick grandparents), so I think I'll put my lists up again, and see if it helps!

    peace
    minnie

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    #45007 - 04/17/09 09:11 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: minniemarx]
    lilartsy Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 09/10/08
    Posts: 18
    I had a heart to heart with my DS5 and we listed his rights (what we as parents must provide such as food, shelter, etc.), responsibilities (obey parents, don't hit, be respectful), and his privileges (long, long, list).

    When he realized that he "only has to do 3 things to get 20+ privileges" it helped. Now when he falls short on his responsibilities, he loses a privilege from the list for a period of time. It is on scratch paper on his bulletin board.

    I have a friend who took this concept a step further for a teenager by adding legal language "Whereas..." and making into a contract that the parent and child signed. Her list of privileges is hilarious including such things as brand name shampoo and text messaging service on the cell phone.

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    #45008 - 04/17/09 10:43 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: lilartsy]
    kcab Offline
    Member

    Registered: 10/02/07
    Posts: 1603
    Loc: Sparta, apparently
    Too funny about the teenager privileges! We have a couple lists too, but I really like minnie's lists and will have to try that. I think DS6 would respond really well to those.

    Meanwhile, our short list also has just 5 rules: listen to your parents, do what your parents say, follow safety rules, be polite to others, and "live". The last was added by DDalmost12.

    Our longer list has two columns titled "behaviors that make parents happy" and "behaviors that parents don't like." The "makes happy" list is much longer than the "don't like" list and includes things a lot of things which are nice-to-haves rather than musts. Both lists were put up in desperation a month+ ago when we were having awful behavior, it is mostly a lot better now but probably not (entirely) due to the lists!
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    #45029 - 04/18/09 01:27 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: minniemarx]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    That's a wonderful idea! DS already knows the rules after 3 days; so it has had some effect. But I really do not want to be negative. The whole world outside is. I have been grasping for anything. Thanks.
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    #45030 - 04/18/09 01:33 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: Mom0405]
    CAMom Offline
    Member

    Registered: 08/13/08
    Posts: 748
    We have "Team ____ Rules " The ___ is our last name. Whenever anyone breaks a rule, anyone else can make a loud siren noise and call "TEAM ___ VIOLATION!" and enforce a penalty. The penalties mostly result in an immediate correction (for shoes in the middle of the floor, door left open etc) or an apology (using a rude tone or saying something inappropriate). Occasionally someone gets sent to the "penalty box" for 2 minutes. Penalty box violations include being told the same thing more than once, bad table manners, repeated misconduct or anything I deem too annoying!

    I find it hysterical when my 6 year old puts my DH in the penalty box for being told the same thing 2x!

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    #45032 - 04/18/09 01:58 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: CAMom]
    Mom0405 Offline
    Member

    Registered: 03/24/09
    Posts: 237
    that's hilarious
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    Mom to DS6

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    #45037 - 04/18/09 05:01 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: Mom0405]
    elizabeth4 Offline
    Junior Member

    Registered: 03/31/09
    Posts: 47
    We have a list of three words

    kind
    respectful
    obedient

    Reminders to my kiddos DD9 and DS10--The last to remind them who's in charge smile (though you'd hardly know it some days!)

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    #45042 - 04/18/09 06:47 PM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: CAMom]
    Kriston Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/07
    Posts: 6145
    Loc: Midwest
    Originally Posted By: CAMom
    We have "Team ____ Rules " The ___ is our last name. Whenever anyone breaks a rule, anyone else can make a loud siren noise and call "TEAM ___ VIOLATION!" and enforce a penalty. The penalties mostly result in an immediate correction (for shoes in the middle of the floor, door left open etc) or an apology (using a rude tone or saying something inappropriate). Occasionally someone gets sent to the "penalty box" for 2 minutes. Penalty box violations include being told the same thing more than once, bad table manners, repeated misconduct or anything I deem too annoying!

    I find it hysterical when my 6 year old puts my DH in the penalty box for being told the same thing 2x!


    This is great! I may steal this.

    There are nights when I joke (okay, only HALF-joke!) "If a mom talks in the forest, does she make a sound? Because NO ONE seems to be able to hear me, and I'm pretty sure there are words coming out of my mouth!" When not even my DH seems to listen to me, I get really frustrated.

    Hmmmm...

    Thanks, CAMom! smile
    _________________________
    Kriston
    Mom to DS13 and DS10

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    #45053 - 04/19/09 01:24 AM Re: Rules on the frig? [Re: Mom0405]
    ColinsMum Offline
    Member

    Registered: 09/19/08
    Posts: 1898
    Loc: Scotland
    Originally Posted By: Mom0405

    1. Respect Mommy and Daddy. Obey.
    2. No whining.
    3. Have fun (he helped - and then I added); but be serious sometimes too.
    4. No hitting (new learned behavior -ugg).
    5. No screaming.

    If you like, you could make some of these positive just by rewording. E.g. replace 5. by "When indoors, use an indoor voice" - we designated anything too loud, which would include screaming, as an outdoor voice. It did sometimes happen that we went out because DS wanted to use his outdoor voice, but that's fine. (Of course, buildings like shops and restaurants are indoors :-) Some people do "use gentle hands" for "no hitting" but I somehow felt that was twee, or something. Whining - I don't have a positive way to phrase it, but what really helped us to deal with it was simply to declare a policy that a whiny voice couldn't be understood (sometimes literally true of course!), so I'd just say (in neutral tones) "Sorry, I didn't understand that" if he whined something.

    I think you're right to be concerned about putting things positively, actually - it seemed to me that reminding DS to do the right thing (positive) works much better than criticising something he is doing (negative).
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