Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy How to approach a new school?

Hello! No, we're not really school shopping yet ... But we *are* waiting on financial aid decisions ... I recently heard that FA was not re-granted to an online friends' kids, and I'm starting to wonder what we'd do if we didn't get FA at ds6's current school for next year. There's no way we can afford the 5-digit tuition ... I like to be prepared.

So ... I've just started poking around the area. After such a nasty experience at our public school, I don't want him back there -- and I know he would protest heartily. I've been checking out parochial schools, but it's hard to get a feel!

Ds will turn 7 soon, and will be in second grade next year. No grade acceleration yet, but working around fourth grade level in reading and math (reads higher level for pleasure). I've come to the conclusion that we'd *have* to skip a grade to transition back to non-gifted school ... I found one parochial school that groups first/second, third/fourth, etc., and says it focuses on the individual's learning needs, but I'm a little wary of putting him in a class that would have 10-year-olds, even if they'd go for it.

Anyway, my main question is, how does one approach a new school? Clearly we did it wrong the first time around! Do I schedule a conference with the principal and just lay our cards on the table -- take it or leave it, school? I know I've got the advantage at this point, since we're not *planning* on moving him ... Thoughts?

Mia,
I'd say call around and set up some preliminary meetings. You can get a good feel for the school before bringing up anything about your son's educational needs. Just careful listening will often give you a clue what they will be willing to do.

I hope your aid package comes through!

No great advice, Mia. But I wanted to send my well wishes your way, too. Thinking good financial thoughts for you!

Mia, your question is very timely for us as we need to approach a new school. Our tester highly recommends a grade skip for our son. So I will read with interest any comments that you receive.

And to ask a very dumb, basic question, when you call to request an appointment with the principal, what exactly do you say to the support staff? I'm sure that they will want a reason for the meeting, and I don't really feel like laying all the cards out for them when I just set up the meeting. Any thoughts about this are appreciated. Boy, you can tell that I am such a newbie at this!

Mia-
Sorry to hear that you even have to discuss it. I know you've been very happy with his school! But I'm happy you asked the question because I've been debating myself if I need to meet with DS's new school (if/when we get in) in advance or just wait and see. I met with DS's current teacher about two weeks into the school year and it turned out so terribly! Though I know it wasn't my fault, I am so resistant to another early meeting!

We went through a school change last year. We had Explore test scores, grade level achievement scores but no IQ scores in hand when approaching the new school. I approached the gifted coordinator first and I was very surprised how open he was to our child and didn't give us the "every child is gifted in their own way" speech we had heard before.

He actually arranged for IQ testing within the first couple of weeks and then DD skipped a year of math and language arts. I was expecting to have to fight her into the gifted classroom without an IQ score etc. but the opposite was true. Our gifted coordinator really gets how hard it is to find a good fit and is willing to work with parents.

I wanted to tell you this to say that you never know what you encounter at a new school. After years of resistance our new school is a breath of fresh air. Good luck, I hope it works out well for you.

Jen

I tried it both ways. During my visit to the first school, a private school that caters to gifted kids, I spent an entire hour with the admissions director without saying much about DS4 at all. I just found it terribly difficult to talk about his giftedness with a complete stranger at that point. However, when I visited our second option, the local public school, I'd been told in advance that I'd have about 15 minutes, so I felt like I had no choice but to lay my cards on the table. I basically walked in and said, "My son is working several years above his age level. How would you deal with that?" From there, the person I was meeting with launched into a mini lecture on how "acceleration leads to depression in middle school," telling me "It doesn't matter if your kid finds the solution to world peace if he can't communicate with people his own age." When I let her know that there is no problem with my son's social skills and politely challenged the depression comment with information from the scientific literature on acceleration, things quickly became heated and confrontational. In the end, I felt like I learned a lot more in the 15 minute visit than I did in the hour-long visit. Next time, I would be direct and up-front again.

Thank you for the thoughts! I really hope we don't have to use them, but I am putting my feelers out ahead of time so I'm not blind-sided.

Dottie, thank you for this:


It *was* motivating! You're absolutely right. Thanks for the reminder -- confidence, confidence, confidence!

One question I had learned to ask is, "Are there other students in his class that will be around his level?", "Are the lessons differentiated or taught traditionally?"

My son's school life was much easier and smoother for him to thrive with other peers who shared similar ability. This meant moving to an area where I felt the school could provide what he needed.

Also, it is a great idea to meet with the gifted coordinator for the district. When they truely understand the issues gifted students face in school they had helped tremendously in keeping my son challenged with fustrated teachers (DS15 is 2E) and sometimes his fustrated mom (me).

I don't know if this is an option for you or not, but the staff at DSs current school (who are accelerating him) has been gracious enough to offer to speak to the staff at the new school, should it be necessary. I most definitely appreciate the offer and will give the new school their contact info when we arrive and register. I even asked the principal her thoughts on how I should approach the new school with the info and everything that's taken place this year and she was very helpful.

I don't know if your current school would work with you in the event you do need to change schools, but just a thought. Good luck.