Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy My first advocacy, a bit uneasy

Finally I made my first ever move in advocacy. I started talking with the PTA and parents about forming a math club in DS's school, and possibly taking the kids to math competitions. DS8 is incredible at math, and yet until this year did not get anything even remotely challenging. I talked with some parents, the unamimous response that I got is "great idea! Count us in!". So I approached the PTA to see if they are willing to sponsor it.

This is the first time I've ever taken the initiative to do something like this. It's a bit scary. I don't mind putting in the time, I think I will enjoy doing it. I am, however, a bit worried about the reaction from the school and from other parents. Would the school think that I'm challenging the notion that the school and its teachers are highly qualified and their curriculum sufficient? (I don't know the principal well, we just moved to this area a year ago, but last year's teacher gave me the impression of being quite pompous and would not take anything well that remotely resembles criticism. This year's teacher, though, is a lot better.) Would this move alienate parents whose kids are not so into math? Deep down, I don't give a **** of these, I need to make sure that my DS gets to develop his potential in math. But I want to make sure that this does not create any difficult situation for DS at school (both with teachers and with kids).

I hope it's just me worrying too much.

I think you're just worrying too much.

It's an optional club, and you're not excluding kids who aren't "good enough" at math, right? As long as anyone can join, you're providing more opportunities, not taking anything away from anyone.

I would counsel you to approach it from the stance that it's a fun group for kids who enjoy math, though, NOT that this is in some way to boost the inadequate curriculum. That's your motivation for doing it, sure, but no one needs to know that!

Make it all about the fun and the social, not AT ALL about the curriculum, and I think you'll be fine.

I agree, Kriston, but I remember feeling a similar way "in the beginning...."

I say follow K's advice and everything should be great. If the PTA doesn't support it, that also doesn't kill the idea, BTW.

We just participated in FLL as a neighborhood team. It was really fun.

Good luck!

Yep, it will indeed be a club anyone can join, as long as they are willing to work on challenging math. I'm not providing a place for kids who are afraid of math to somehow overcome the fear (DS's school is pretty good at honing the basics, their "average" achievement level is very high as shown in state tests). I'm going to give kids who like to think math something challenging to think about, doesn't matter what level they are at, what matters is whether they want to do it.

Definitely won't mention anything about classroom inadequacy, will just say that this is a place where kids who like math get to meet kids with similar interests and have fun. But again, deep down I'm bothered by our constant need to stress "fun" to our kids. Too many kids expect learning to be instant fun...

I don't think you have to stress "fun" in that way. (At least, that's not how I meant it.) The social is fun. Getting together with like-minded kids is fun, and is all too rare for GT kids.

OTOH, the math is challenging, and being really challenged is fun in a different way. Not a "life is a party" way, but rather an "It feels good to have to work" way. For GT kids, that IS fun!

As my DS7 says now that he is being challenged and knows how great it is, "Hard is good!"

Kriston, I can't agree more. DS8 used to go to the teacher to ask for more challenging material. It's still beyond me why these teachers would reject such a request. He stopped asking after a while. But what I'm happy about is that with the understanding teacher this year he started asking again, and the teacher is giving him some challenging work.

On the other hand, one of his earlier teachers used to let kids do coloring at the end of a math session, because she wanted the kids to know that "math is fun". I just can't understand how anyone would think math is fun just because they did some coloring at the end of math.

Or that coloring has anything to do with math! What's that about?

Yeah, that's definitely enough to make you fun-averse when it comes to math!

...And then there's my poor son who would think math was boring because coloring is sooo boring for him.

I love when he brings home worksheets from K/1st grade this year and you can see how he did the bare minimum coloring requirements. I also can't believe how much coloring is required in early elementary school.

The one that got me was the M&M worksheet my daughter brought home in Kindergarten. It was sorting M&Ms by color and at the end it said "Eat your M&M's yum yum!" So we have to reward with kids with candy for doing under-challenging Math?! Fun, fun, fun...arrgh!

Good for you playandlearn. It gets easier but I can't say it gets less frustrating. What kind of PTA says yes to a fast-food fundraiser but "not this year" to a read-a-thon? Mine There aren't enough mad faces.

OK, now we know why coloring at math is fun. Because we parents find it amusing years later! Oh well, at least we have a place to reminisce the "coloring is fun" math and the "M&M" math, and laugh together.

My DS has had his share of projects being rated more on decorations than on substance. Kids will get different lessons out of such experience. I can only hope that my kids realize that scores for these projects are important only to an extent.

Dottie, you can come if you want to pay for the travel.

I think it's appropriate to be concerned about not offending people and stepping on toes. The world would be a better place if people considered others' reactions before acting. However, you have no control over how people will react to your advocating. As long as you're polite and considerate and treat people with respect (certainly sounds like you do), are you comfortable with other people feeling like you're critical of them? I've found that with my large district, it is likely that I will offend someone when advocating for my son -- there are just too many parents and staff members that are unfamiliar with my situation who judge my "squeaky wheel" behavior in a negative light. With advocacy, I feel I have to be comfortable with the possibility that people will want to run the other way when I walk through the school doors even though I try my darndest not to be condescending or disrespectful.

I'll vouch for you, Jool. You're just the nicest person ever. If they have a problem, it's them, not you!

(The woman shared a bucket seat with me when she didn't have to! I know what I'm talking about here!)

LOL! I would only share a bucket seat with other nice people like you, Kriston. I'll try to be nice to the principal and curriculum specialist, but I'm not making room for them in our Taurus

Good call!

The problem I've found is that advocacy involves asking questions and many people interpret asking questions=lack of trust=an accusation of hiding something. When I asked the school about questionable MAP testing data, after getting through the runaround, it turned out they were giving out bogus data because they took bad preliminary data on blind faith without analyzing or asking any questions. When I asked for more transparency in sharing test information with the parents so these mistakes wouldn't happen in the future (give parents their child's official NWEA test report instead of a hand written note with bogus renormed data), it was turned around that I was accusing them of hiding things. I felt as if I'd gotten a bad diagnosis from a doctor and when I got a second opinion that highlighted problems with the first doctor's information, instead of "Thank you for being a responsible patient. I will make sure other patients have the correct information and take steps so this won't happen in the future" it was "What?! You didn't trust me and got a second opinion?"

I do feel lots of peer pressure from the other parents to be more supportive i.e. go with the flow and stop asking questions. So the price I pay is less social support. Better that I pay the price rather than the children who will pay if parents aren't asking questions.

crisc - all those coloring worksheets really killed DS8 in K. Even today, he said K ruined him. DS5 so far doesn't mind this as much but he no longers colors in the lines, he just gets color on the page. When the teacher sent a note home "Please continue to practice this at home," I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If it's something he is interested in, he colors really well.

Dottie - so in math class, your DD got marked up for art even w/ math errors, but your son got marked down for art with all math correct? Do teachers not see a problem with this? I guess all you can do about this is to laugh b/c it's so ridiculous.

Just to give an update for those who are interested.

I proposed the math club idea to our PTA: a math club for anyone who wants to have extra math challenges, those who are interested in math competitions will be signed up to do so. The result? Uanimous support from parents, PTA and the principal.

Yay!

Good going! Any tips to share about how you succeeded in getting unanimous support?

Inky, no idea how it worked out so well, but what might have gone right is that I talked to two members of the PTA executive board who I know fairly well--to test the water. Turned out that they both think that their kids are not getting enough math and they give their kids extra math at home. So I planned out how to go about the math club thing and ran it with them. At the PTA meeting they served as MY advocates.

Thanks P&L. Looking forward to hearing math club updates in the future!

Playandlearn,
Will the math competition take place during school hours - kind of like a pullout?

No, it's after school.