Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy "I don't know" and "ok"

Trust me my daughter is VERY well nourished. If she and DH decide not to respond to my question they have several options. There are usually leftovers in the refrigerator. There are plenty of ingredients in the kitchen. There are plenty of take out options nearby. There is literally no chance of her going hungry.

However I am not going to teach her it is ok to expect me to stand at attention because she chooses not to respond to a simple question. As I mentioned earlier in the thread this is something that she seems to have learned from my DH. So now the 2 of them usually discuss and come up with an answer together. This is a vast improvement over silence or a non responses. And in no way would I consider this a "punishment" much less abuse or neglect. Many 14 year olds have significant responsibilities around their home. Being asked to respond to a question or microwave a plate of leftovers themselves really is not a terribly harsh reality. Really.

Thank you for clarifying that your choice to "NOT make dinner" does not equate to your child going without a meal, but defaults to self-serve options: reheating a plate of leftovers for herself, preparing her own meal from ingredients on-hand, or ordering take-out.

I agree that self-serve options are not punishment, abuse, or neglect. My post, which you quoted, was specifically about withholding food, not about self-serve options.

To re-focus on the OP subject of "I don't know" and "ok," it appears that there is general agreement among the different posts that certain factors are important in helping kids learn decision-making skills:
- parental coaching, guidance, role-modeling
- talking with kids, listening to them, valuing their input
- giving them time to think and discuss