Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Very practical advice needed

So DD11 needs to make it to class and to band without losing items all over the middle school. Not only does she deal with ADHD (inattentive), but she loses things because she carries the band instrument, binder, and class notes with her everywhere and drops bit and pieces behind her. She is afraid to put anything in her locker or the instrument in the band room for fear of forgetting something. She claims not to have the time to put papers in the binder before the next class (I can just visualize those papers sailing through the air....).

So, I have asked the guidance counselor and teachers for advice. They all suggested she put things in her locker between classes. Well, yes, good idea - except she is too scared to because she will forget to get it out of the locker!! Sigh.

Looking for some very practical ideas please for DD. What worked at your kids' schools? Also, the school is big and several stories tall.

Well at our JR High & High School the kids rarely used lockers. They basically carried everything around in their backpack all day long.

What instrument does she play? If it's a big instrument maybe you can get a new case that has an attached 'bag' to put music. I've seen them but they don't work well for a flute or clarinet.

Alternatively what about one of those small & light 'drawstring' bags for just the band papers & extra stuff. Then at least it's all contained in one place. And then if she does put it in the locker, she can just grab the whole bag. And it can be stuffed in a bigger bag if necessary.

DD has an IEP for ADHD and goes to special ed each day where they help her organize her materials and figure out what incomplete work she has. Otherwise she would be lost. I wish I had better advice. She does have a huge binder called a Mighty Zip Tab or something like that, it zips up and she puts literally everything in there.

Mighty Zip Tab. https://www.amazon.com/Case-Mighty-3-Inch-Zipper-D-146-PUR/dp/B001GIP258

My DS goes to the band room first thing in the morning and drops off his band instrument there - his instrument case has a zipper compartment that contains his band music.

He also has a zipper binder similar to the one blackcat linked that has sections for each subject and holds papers and stationary supplies. The binder also has a laptop compartment in the side that he uses to hold workbooks, free reading books etc. He carries the binder, his water bottle and his jacket from room to room all day long. He has lost his jacket once or twice, but, it has been returned because of the clear labeling he has on all his items.

I know that for myself personally (as a person who was disorganized as possible in middle school) what has helped me as an adult (and what I wish someone had taught me when I was younger) is habits. I have made a habit of checking off lists at certain times of day that have a max of 3 things on them. In fact, they always have 3 things so that I know if one thing is missing. For instance, before I leave the house I stop and say cell phone, purse, keys. Every time. Even if I'm just taking a walk or sitting in the yard. I may not always take them, but it's the habit that is important. I often start a habit with the three things written down and then post it where I can't miss it. And by that I mean suspending it at head level in the doorway I will need to walk through. As an adult I feel pretty organized and I'm generally the person who does not forget things and who has the things that I need with me.

I recommend that your DD should come up with a quick check to do at certain critical points in the day, especially at dismissal, and that you work to get an adult at the school to remind her to do it each day with fading prompts until it becomes automatic. And even then having that adult keep an eye on her for a bit to make sure it's still getting done. I used to carry everything with me in school and other than a lot of back pain it never did me much good. I still didn't ever seem to know the assignment and important items were constantly lost in my giant bag of everything. I was diagnosed with ADD in the early 80's in 2nd grade and back when I was in school there were no accommodations. As an adult I feel that I still have a lot more trouble than others do with remembering things, but I have developed my own ways of making it through the day so that I don't think anyone would realize that I was ever diagnosed ADD.

Also, in general, everything in my life has a place and I always put it there. Right away. Because I know otherwise my life will descend into chaos. It takes self control and discipline to always do everything right away, but between procrastination and the fact that going back to finish anything feels so tedious I'd almost rather suffer severe punishment than return to it later I know that I need to put my things where they belong the first time and never later. You need to help you daughter develop that voice that says, "No, you will do that now" that will play inside her head anytime she thinks later for any reason. Sure it would be more convenient to put away the paper I was just handed when I get to my next class because the kids who have this class next are already coming in, but because I know myself I know that I need to do it now or it will never get done.

Because of all of the methods I have developed I live a very organized life. My drawers are neatly organized and my storage is neatly organized and labeled. Everything has a place and is always put away. Things look neat and there is no clutter. I feel like people with ADD either master this skill or end up with a very cluttered and chaotic home and life. I can't function at all in chaos so I need to work at all times to keep it under control. I am working hard to teach DS (much more severe combined type ADHD) the same skills and help him understand that sometimes a big part of having a disability is having to work harder than others to achieve the same results, but that it is worth it in the end.

OK, that was long, but just wanted to put out there that your DD can learn to stop and check throughout the day and follow a system to stay more organized with the help of adults in the beginning and eventually on her own. If there is one thing I have found ADHD doesn't seem to interfere with, it's our basic innate habit forming tendencies and I use that to my advantage daily.

Have you tried color-coding by class? You could help her type up an index page for which color goes with which class, ordering the list by her class schedule. The index page could specify taking what is needed for the number of classes she has between locker visits. Scheduled locker visits could also be placed on the list. For each class, the items needed could be listed and/or drawn in quick cartoon style. (For example: Math Book + Blue Ring Binder + Blue Homework Folder. Instrument + Red Ring Binder. Locker visit. English book + Yellow Ring Binder. Spanish book + Green Ring Binder.) Place the index page in a page protector and tape it inside her locker door as a reminder.

If she finds a ring binder to be awkward or time consuming, you might help her find zippered envelopes in different colors. There are mesh ones (9"x11") and there are vinyl plastic ones which are made to clip into a ring binder. All of her "loose" papers could get stuffed and quickly zipped for safe-keeping, to be reviewed and organized later at school (on her own or with teacher/counselor assistance) or at home possibly with parental assistance, coaching, and encouragement/praise.

Whatever method she chooses to try (and she may want to adopt several, adjusting what works and dropping what doesn't)... she needs to buy into it, own it, and be the boss of it... truly feeling like it is her decision of how to best help herself.

I don't know if she'd be allowed to do this, but I live by the alarms on my phone.

All good suggestions.

I echo the giant zippered binder. For DS, once paper entered the desk or locker, it was gone. The key was to ensure that every piece of paper went into the binder instead, and came home, every day. Like yours, there was no way any paper was going to be properly placed when received in a binder or duo-tang - and teachers often gave them things without holes and little pieces of paper, so the zipper is crucial - just jam it in and zip. Then each night he had to sit down and figure out what each piece was, what work was associated with it, update his to do list, and file what was done. (And yes, all this took place with a heck of a lot of harassment, erm, I mean supervision). We had a weekly to do list template with a box for each class, and printed out a new blank one each week. The to do list sat as the top page of the binder. (This binder actually had parts of the cover that could be written on with a special pen and wiped, which was actually useful for taking note of the occasional instruction - something he is very bad at taking note of).

Our particular binder had tabs for each class on one side, and an accordion on the other, We used tabs for filing things that were complete (but still current enough he might want to reference; otherwise we purged). The accordion tabs were one for "To hand in", one for "To do" (and one actually for his laptop). As per SaturnFan, we worked on building the key habit that every time he walked into a class, he would look in the "To hand in" section to see if there was anything there for that class. If he couldn't tell me what he had to do with a specific piece of paper (what, when, how), we'd put a big post-it note with those questions on it, and put it in the hand-in section as a reminder to ask that teacher for clarification the next day.

I will confess this worked pretty well - but only with extreme parental intervention. DS never owned this system. His current teacher is about to experiment with him with a coloured binder per subject approach, aiming to create something DS will take more ownership of. As I recall, your DD11 is super visual-spatial like my DS, and the colour coding approach is supposed to work well for such folk. I have my doubts about going from one binder to 7, though.... but we shall see. I do know my super-linear approaches will never be DS's best way, and this is an awesome teacher who's prepared to take on the challenge. Fingers crossed.

So I organize stuff for a living (I'm a project manager), but back when I was a student I was terribly disorganized, scattered, and spacey! Here are some tips that may help you and your DD get through this.

First of all, figuring this out is a process. Make sure she knows it's OK to try stuff, keep what works, and jettison what doesn't. If she changes something and it doesn't work, she can go back to her old system. She's probably terrified of changing anything in case the problem gets worse. If she's afraid of missing assignments during the experimental period, maybe you and her counselor can work with the teachers to be a backup for her (which I bet you are anyway).

Second, my DD also has a very large school and a locker in an obscure location. Not having time to drop by between each class may be accurate. But it could be that your DD just doesn't have the skills to put together a plan. For example: Go to morning classes with the red binder, visit locker before lunch, and then take the blue binder to afternoon classes. That said, my DD insisted for years that everything must be in one location. If your DD can remember to visit the locker just for her instrument, that will lighten the load considerably. I like the idea of alarms. If phones aren't allowed, maybe a watch or tiny non-connected digital organizer?

Third, it's better if she owns as much of this as she can. That means selecting supplies that she loves and trying to create processes that she can manage. You can be the backup reminder and provide support during the habit forming stage. Let her try to think of ideas that might work for her (and try not to judge them, who knows what will click).

Fourth, middle school is a time when teachers have embraced the idea of helping form organizational and executive functioning skills. This is great, but sometimes they have their own systems or requirements. Make sure your DD has help integrating these into her own larger system. Nothing like finally getting your kid to write down all assignments in one place and then have one teacher insist they fill out a special calendar or planner.

Fifth, be prepared to experiment with supplies. For example, a three hole punch (there are even little ones that clip right into the binder) can be great for keeping loose papers in check. Plus shopping for supplies can be lots of fun and engender a sense of ownership. DDs high school actually hands out planners to all incoming freshmen, but DD insisted on having a much prettier one that she picked out.

Finally, if your DD is resistant to change, make little adjustments. For example, if loose papers are a problem, maybe a single folder/pocket/pouch for the loose stuff seems less overwhelming than an entire new system. Then you make a habit of going through the pouch every afternoon and putting everything where it goes. The process of asking and answering a regular series of questions together: what is this? what do I need to do with it? where does it go? will help her start to do it more naturally and on the fly.