Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion What to say when students ask about grade skip

Been some time since I've been on here, but I always feel I can come back when needed!

DD is getting ready to go from 3rd to 5th after some serious advocating on our part and DD taking above grade level testing last school year with a small public school that just doesn't do grade skipping (ever!) - she is reasonably both nervous and excited. School is getting ready to start and we haven't told very many people and she hasn't told very many kids about the skip, so now DD is worried about what the other students are going to say.

For those of you that have BT/DT - does anyone have any good (maybe even witty) ideas for what DD can say when the 5th graders ask what she is doing in their class or tell her she is in the wrong class or the 4th graders ask why she isn't in 4th? We could also use your thoughts on what DH and I can say to other parents when they ask. We already gave DD some generic ideas like to say she is moving to a more appropriate level for her educational needs, etc, etc, yadda, yadda, yadda. We always got "the look", so then we suggested she just tell them she wanted to try out 5th grade and see what it is like.

I really hope everything goes well for your DD! For our first skip we changed schools so we didn't have this issue and our DD is much older now. We worried about how she would be received but it was a complete non event and just accepted.

Maybe your DD can just shrug and say"I did some tests and there is where I am supposed to be." The less fuss, the less said, the less drama it will be. Hopefully you will find most kids are nonplussed, especially if she just gets on and does her work and they see she is indeed where she should be.

Good luck!

I recommend saying that the school decided that she should be in fifth grade (this statement is true, because even though you advocated, it wouldn't have happened if the school hadn't made the decision; people don't have a right to know all the details).

This statement is neutral and puts the responsibility for the decision in the school's hands and keeps your daughter out of it. Kids are used to being told what to do by the school, and if she frames the decision this way, it sends a message to other kids that she's still just doing what they told her to do, like everyone else. This approach may reduce resentment ("she thinks she's so big!"). If anyone asks why (a reasonable question), she can tell them that the school made her take some tests. Again, not her choice, and again, she's just doing what kids do every day.

One day my kid was in third grade (about a month into school year). That night we got the call that they were offering a whole grade skip and if we accepted it they would move him the next day. We were outside the front office waiting to talk to the guidance counsellor and my son told one of his third grade classmates (they had known each other two years) he was moving to 4th. The classmate said very genuinely and supportively "that will be so GOOD for you!" That set the tone for the whole skip and was the best thing my son could have heard.

I say that the kids who know your child and genuinely care for your child will understand intuitively just like this little friend did. It wasn't a shock (even though skipping rarely happens here) because kids know what the deal is. I don't know about how the classmates of the class he moved into felt but it worked out okay.

<3

You've received great advice above. I especially endorse Val's recommended approach.

You may also wish to advise your child not to remind others that she is younger. Throughout the years, for school-related communications, if you and your child maintain a position that your child is an __x__-grade student (rather than "the youngest __x__-grade student", or an __n__-year-old), so that others are not reminded of age, other kids/parents will tend to forget. Conversely, if frequently reminded of the younger age or the grade skip, especially to gain preferential treatment, other kids/parents may have an urge to turn it around and use it as ammo.

Parents may wish to read the threads on possible downside or trade-offs to grade skipping. This is not to dissuade you or cause you to second-guess the decision, but to remain prepared for the differences this may make in your child's journey. When parents are prepared, you can help your child shrug it off when others may comment on your child not driving, etc, when grade-level classmates do.

I agree to have your child say in a neutral tone that the school decided 5th was a better fit, and leave it there. Don't over any more info--it's not their business. If more questions come, she can just say she doesn't know.

My son is frequently asked how old he is, since he's still pre-puberty in high school. He doesn't answer that question. Instead, he just says, "I'm in 9th grade [and then changes the subject.]"

Excellent. This is an important form of self-advocacy: having healthy boundaries. Deciding which questions to answer and when to politely deflect, because the inquirer does not have a "need to know".

I totally agree with you Indigo. I actually didn't know my son was doing this until recently. I'm really proud of him that he decided what he's comfortable with-- and that does NOT include a discussion about his age or why he skipped.

Yes, information is power. Kids do not benefit from giving away their power.

I'm proud of him, too!