Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Needing some moral support

Oh gears gears gears! Very loud but loved the creativity with them...you could help him at first. Years and years of play with them.

Second from me about getting good quality instruments we had one Congo and one bongo set that weren't toy quality but better. I think from West music (or something like that). Then other rhythm stuff.

Pattern blocks were a hit here too...still have them and once in a while the 10 year old will play with them.


Sidewalk chalk.

So I haven't read all the responses but I can tell you I Relate! My son is now 9...but he went from sitting to walking by 9 months and was on solid foods by 1 and yes I know that's frowned upon. But...there are 2 things in my house that kept him engaged for days! Logos and cardboard boxes. At 2 we could tell him to build a ship and he's building huge battleships. He made robots out of the cardboard boxes. Anything to engage his mind safely we bought it but he always preferred boxes and logos.

The other thing I found was that I had to learn to "hide" his intellect from others. I mention that he would have meltdowns in prek because they wanted him to lay down and nap and hadn't napped since 14 months...all of a sudden and relative or friend who had a bratty kid was certain their kid toowas gifted. When it turned out their kid wwasn't gifted they really were just a brat I somehow became the bad guy. If I mentioned Kaden was having trouble in school all of a sudden I was a bad parent for buying his way into gifted classes when he clearly wasn't because gifted kids get straight a's. So...although I'm sure I'll be frowned upon I am selective over who I share my kids stuff with.

Just know you aren't alone. And some kids don't need actual play dates maybe science visits and zoo trips and getting a dog will suffice.

I hope you find what works best for your child. It took my son until the third grade before a single friend from school showed up to his birthday party :-( its sad...but its temporary.

One of my many attempts to reply. Ignore this. I finally got it to work.

I'd echo everyone else here. That's a rough but wonderful age. The sooner you accept that your child is different and embrace parenting the individual child you have, the happier you all will be. It really is just making peace with the idea that you will be judged no matter what you do, so know that you are doing the best job that you can and that your child is lucky to have you.

At this point, your child is likely somewhere near 99th percentile for milestones. If he were an adult in the 99th percentile for height, finding clothes that fit would be a challenge, toilets too low, beds too short, etc. The world just wouldn't quite feel like a good fit. If your child mentally continues on this trajectory, he is going to need help feeling comfortable with who he is and like he fits. Having you and your SO for support will go a long way toward not feeling so alien.

You will make mistakes, but it is okay. Your child actually needs to see you make mistakes and learn from them. You will be amazed how much your child absorbs from being around you, not only the positives like reading, but also any issues or insecurities you might have... Consider distancing yourself from people (including peer moms) who are truly not positive experiences for your child.

As for toys, my son literally loved to play with trash - cardboard boxes, empty pasta boxes, paper towel rolls, water bottles... Amazing villages were built, imaginary planes were flown... Also balls, wooden trains, hot wheels cars, the magnadoodle, a magnifying glass...

As your child develops, pay attention to what drives him... I read an article that said over 80% of kids are driven by appreciation for praise and feeling accepted by authority figures and peers, with a very small minority driven by the need for independence, autonomy, self-fulfillment... This small minority could not care less if they are rewarded with certificates, sticker charts, teacher praise... The signs that my son fell in that second category were very apparent from the time he was tiny, ie absolutely no interest in a stroller, refused to hold hands as an early walker, etc even though he was super cuddly. If I had understood this earlier, this would have saved some heartache. (On the bright side, at 4 he is really independent and can be trusted to load/unload dishwasher and do the laundry, although I still stand by to supervise.)

If you have a kid like this, only sign up for group classes that let you try them first and don't be afraid to bail. I committed to too many group classes thinking that since my child had gotten a bit older, it would be different... nope. My son still reacts with disdain if he thinks someone is trying to get him to perform. This is the child who could do a perfect standing flip into a foam pit at age 2 for fun after observing older kids do them for 5 minutes, but fully refuse to walk a line on the floor as a pretend balance beam for a potential gymnastics teacher...

This one is hard for me to remember sometimes... Your child may seem much older for most of the time, but may on occasion act his age, or have an emotional outburst like a younger child. My son who is 4, sometimes acts like he is 10, sometimes like he is 6, sometimes like he is 4, and every once and a while acts like he is 2. It is okay. The maturity will come and skills will develop unevenly, often in bursts.

As I said, my son is only 4. He is an extreme extrovert and always has been. He has always tried to engage other kids and adults, but up until about 6 months ago, his dad and I were his favorite playmates. We didn't do anything wrong, he just prefers his friends now. He makes friends really easily now, in terms of friends just to play with, but hasn't found many real peers. There is 1, who I think must be PG. She is one in a million and the two of them play amazingly well together with birthdays less than a month apart. The depth of their imaginative play and vocabularies (& sheer speed of their discussions) are unbelievable. If you find a peer like this who also is a good social match, do whatever it takes to nurture a healthy friendship. Unfortunately her family travels often so we don't see them much. His other friends he enjoys are age 6 and up.

The biggest difference between me now and me when my son was your child's age is that I have come to accept that I have no idea what I'm doing and I no longer worry what others think. I am much more protective of my son and have a lot less faith in institutions and experts responsible for kids. It isn't that anyone else is out to get my son, it's that within their realm of experience, they don't really get that he can exist as a self-driven unique little person. At worst, they see his drive/milestones as a trigger of their own insecurities. I try to take it one stage at a time, doing my best to make informed decisions that are right for our family. (No one else knows what they''re doing when it comes to parenting either and our parents were just as lost when they had us...). The fact that you are worrying about this means that your child is in good hands.

Exercise and museums are lifesavers!

If you and your SO feel your family is complete, it is. You aren't depriving your child if they don't have siblings.

You have definitely found your tribe. This is a place where people truly are supportive and understand what you are going through. Welcome!

First of all, welcome! I adore this thread. My husband and I have been discussing recently how much easier all this is the second and third time around. Our eldest (6.5) is PG and while he wasn't talking at 16 months, he was EXTREMELY demanding in every aspect of his little life. We, too, would bring a laundry basket to the library and fill it with 100 books (our library's limit) and - at 6.5, 5, and 3 my kids are now taking out about 200 books each week (that's all I can carry!). It does get easier but it has yet to be "easy" for us

About the friends- just stay true to yourself and you will soon see who the true friends are. When we had our son tested and pulled him to homeschool after K last year, I expected a backlash. Instead, I was surprised by how many of my friends were not surprised by any of it. So many people said, "Well I could have told you that when he was one!" Best of luck on this wild ride!

When my son was skipped he was in third grade one day and the next day he was moved to fourth (about a month into school). When he arrived at school the day he was moving to fourth he walked up to one of his classmates in front of the school (I was there because I had to see the guidance counselor) and told him the news and the kid said (with big eyes) Wow! That will be great for you!

So parents know and I believe that the other kids know too. Luckily we have a very accepting and nurturing school culture (as much as you can have in this current test them to death era).

Not quite the only way, but the alternative involves a lot of self-sacrifice! DD6 is still not reading fluently, so I read aloud to her, oh, probably 2 hours a day. We're ripping through chapter books right now, and in earlier years it was the 100+ picture books a week others have mentioned. (She was never a kid to want Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey six million times, which was both a blessing and a curse.)

This kid is shameless in her piggery for being read to. We walk in the door after an exciting activity, and the first words out of her mouth are "Read to me, I'm bored." Fortunately, I enjoy high-quality kids books myself.

(Update: just before I was going to hit "Submit," she stumbled out of the bedroom shielding her eyes from the morning light with the CHAPTER BOOK SHE WANTS ME TO KEEP READING TO HER.)

Over the next few years, keep an eye out for what kind of play your kid likes. A couple of important things I've learned about my own kid:

1) She loves rough-and-tumble play, which enables her to engage with kids (especially boys) who are her age or even younger, so that has become a thing I help her to find. (She also adores kids who are older than her, so mixed-age activities are a big win for us.)

2) She doesn't do imaginative play with objects, which has resulted in some wasted toy money. For a while I worried that she didn't do imaginative play at all, until I realized that she does whole body play, with herself as a character in the game. As a result, I'm channeling her into theater, which she is loving. She also has developed a love of board games.

We're also fortunate enough to live in a town with a "toy library," so I've been able to try out a lot of different things at little cost. Borrow or buy used as much as you can, until you figure out what types of toys or games work for your kid.

Do you live in an area with a lot of colleges? If so, I suspect there are some other kids like your son in your area. Quite by chance, my kids attended a day care that was originally for children of local college professors/employees. While it is not exclusively for the college folks anymore, there are still plenty of them there. Eldest was in a preschool class of 6 kids, and at least 2 were as bright or brighter than her.

While my kids are not PG, and your son's skills are clearly way ahead of the curve (and very likely indicate a gifted kid), I am truly confused by the "Mommy death stares". I read about those on here, but I never got a "death stare" when my eldest was making Duplo towers at 12 months or middle kid was saying, "Clue!", while watching Blue's Clues at 6 months. (Okay, maybe a death stare because I let them watch so much TV.)

Kids at this age don't really play with each other, so it is okay to skimp on the play dates. My kids have not had many play dates. My older two hang out with friends (here, if the house is sort of clean) or elsewhere, but they are at an age where they can arrange (and get there) on their own. My little one keeps asking for more play dates, and while we have done a handful, organized activities are great for socializing. She is camping with the Girl Scouts right now. While he is a little young for stuff like that right now, keep scouts and organized sports in mind. My older two (19 and 17) still play team sports, and while my youngest (10) is not into the team thing, she likes rock climbing and kayaking.

Get some Duplos - my kids liked these at your son's age. Eldest would sort by size and color and then build towers when she was that age. Don't take this as a sign that he is a future engineer - my eldest is clearly a humanities kid. When he is old enough to handle Legos, get some of these. While we have some sets, I purchased a few bulk lots of random used Legos. My kids build all sorts of stuff with their 40lbs of random Legos.

Just go with the flow - let your kiddo explore a lot of things even if you aren't really into all of them. Ours have explored various academic stuff, plenty of sports (we like these), music, theater(ugh, not my favorite but DH has a theater minor), etc.

I have found that I get all worked up about the issue of the moment, then find later that it wasn't worth getting so worked up about. Sometimes these issues are academic, sometimes they are something else, but in the end, the issue wasn't going to cause long term damage to the kiddos. Good luck - try to relax and enjoy your son.

This is such a valuable thread. Do you suppose the moderators could pin it under the heading "support and advice for the very young gifted child"? I know I'd have loved to have had all this information when DD was tiny.