Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy sobbing teenage boy

You've received great ideas above. I'll just add the acronym H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), and a few links in case they may be helpful:
- SENG article,
- Tips for Selecting the Right Counselor or Therapist for Your Child,
- Hoagies' Gifted Education Page for Psychologists and Professionals familiar with the gifted.

Possibly planning to stop and choose a quick snack on the way home... as a transitional activity, a gentle step down from the bustling, energized environment to a quiet home?

If this is when/how he processes, might journaling help him think things through?

These may also be great transition activities, helping him learn to decompress with ease, after a highly stimulating atmosphere.

As you say, perhaps it's best to not talk about the game afterwards. This stresses my teen boys, too. They are just ready to leave it all behind and get back to their own selves. In fact, for the car ride home can you have an audiobook going so he can immediately go to his quiet place, give one part of his brain something receptive to do while the rest decompresses? My guys look forward to it.

indigo, I LOVE that SENG article. Yes, at some point years ago someone suggested we consider that he could be bipolar. But it really is more that he has extreme responses. (We HAVE consulted with other pdocs about it to to rule it out, though.) The audiobook idea is a fascinating one...something to stop the descent before it starts.

I'm realizing that my whole focus has been - oh, it's late, let's hurry home and let him get to bed!! But at the cost of giving him the decompression time. And I think he is feeling that same stress - it's late, I gotta get to bed, but I'm all keyed up. He is very invested in his identity of a kid who likes to go to bed early. I try to tell him that occasional late nights are a part of life! but I don't think he's convinced.

Theoretically we could come up with something he'd look forward to so after the game could be a GOOD experience. That's a crazy thought. He might love stopping to pick out a treat!

The next day he always has positive stories about cool things that happened. But the night of the game - well, for example, the "reason" he sobbed last night was that his hat nearly fell off when he was marching. Yes, stressful, and he is a perfectionist. But it didn't. And it would have been ok if it did! (sigh.)

My son is 15 and in marching band. He loves it but it is VERY exhausting. Particularly on games days (we have only had one so far) he starts school at 7AM and doesn't get home till at least 10pm those days.

What I suggest is making sure he is getting enough to eat, and drinking enough water. And make sure he gets plenty of sleep the night before. My son is also an introvert and spending all that time around people can be emotionally exhausting. Feeling down after that long day is not all that unusual.

One thing to keep in mind. Teenagers know mom & dad are "safe". (Or at least I hope they do.) He has probably been trying to keep him emotions in check the entire exhausting long day. Let him cry, it's probably good for him. Really it's alright to cry, it a good way to get that emotion out. As long as he is upbeat about band the next day after a good nights sleep I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Starting next week we start the cycle of Friday games for 7 weeks, competitions on Saturdays. This will go through mid November for us. I am right there with you. It's exhausting but for my son it's also the happiest time for him at H.S. and he loves the social group it makes him a part of.

Any allergy medications involved here?

I wonder if your DS's introversion may mask some social anxiety? I haven't read all of the responses, so I'm not sure if it's been brought up. I know a people with social anxiety, and it can provoke some extreme reactions.
Anecdotally, the folks I know with anxiety have had it peak in the teen years.

I also second covering the sleep, food, water bases.

No, no allergy meds.

It also just occurred to me that he has some good earplugs, but I'm not sure he's been using them. That is another question to ask - the stress of the loud band could be making a difference too.

Bluemagic, I appreciate hearing that it can be hard for other kids - but maybe it's worth it?? I guess that's the question. Good luck to you as you start your whirlwind weeks!

Game night requires so much from the kids. They had school all day. Does your band feed them supper? Maybe they didn't have his vegetarian meal or whatever. Maybe they have to memorize their music or routines for field time. When they're in the stands during the game, there's a lot of socializing going on (which might be difficult) but they also have to pay attention to the leaders for stand music, and a bit of attention to the game so to be ready for the fight song after a touchdown. Maybe they don't even like football, but have to be there. And it's cold, or hot, and is the uniform keeping them comfortable? Did they run out of water bottles or band treats before he got one? How to find mom's car at the end in the dark? Aargh. It's fun, but it can drain a kid.

I used to ride my bike home from the games (in uniform!) which really helped me release it all. But that was before Friday night lights, they were Saturday afternoon games.

ETA: remember The movie Broadcast News? The gifted news producer did the same thing, so your son is in good company

Maybe make a routine out of the end of the game, always park in the same spot, always have a comfort snack (on chilly nights my guys get hot cocoa in a thermos), have music or audio he likes playing. (NPR "Roadside Stories" are just the right length for a car ride) And tissues.

NotherBen, I love your description. It seems right on. It really IS all those little things adding up for him to weigh him down. (Specifically this week the uniform was uncomfortable and they ran out of water bottles!)

I'm hopeful and excited about the idea of making a structured plan to short-circuit the sobs. And crossing my fingers that next Friday goes better!