Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Separation Anxiety, Sleep issues- need help

My daughter has some of these issues (though milder) as she has grown despite being a great sleeper early on. A few months ago she started waking every night at 2:30am and trying to come into bed with us. She was terrified and shaking but never really could say why. We made alot of improvement by moving her younger sister into her room. Initially they slept in the same bed but eventually we just moved both beds in there and the other room is the "playroom" for now. We also realized that one of DD6's best friends was a boy that loves scary stuff and liked to tell her things that would spook her. We already limited scary media knowing that she was sensitive. I also wanted to mention a CD that DD loves. I think we bought it just before she started kindergarten as we were seeing more anxiety (chewing habits etc). At first she used it a little but in the past year she has used it nearly every night. It is basically a guided relaxtion imagery CD. As long as she has her nightlights, the hall light, her animals and her CD she is usually fine. It is by Charlotte Resnik and called Discover your Special place or something like that.

My DW provided child care for a neighbor's kid whose sleep needs were similar to what aquinas describes. The child's needs kept escalating over time, though, until putting the child to sleep became a living nightmare for any parent or caregiver involved. DW got to choose between a screaming 3yo or extreme back pain (snuggling wasn't an option at this point, he had to be carried/held/bounced), and usually she was rewarded with both. DW had to stop babysitting him because the child was literally killing her.

YMMV, but there's a cautionary tale there for allowing childhood insecurities to break down normal boundaries.

Coveln, a friend gave me a CD like that I will try it. I think it was Indigo something.

Dude, with my DD7 I worked very hard to put her on a sleep schedule, etc. and she was fine for a long time, but we had a lot of trouble with DS9 beginning very early in life. Now she has caught whatever he had although it's not quite as bad.

This is one of the many reasons I love breastfeeding--it gives us an enjoyable way to for me to comfort DS to sleep (along with providing a nutritious pre-bed snack!) without any drama or discomfort. I literally lie down with DS and snuggle nurse him to sleep. Then I get up and go snuggle my big sweetie! Easy peasy!

We've had the opposite experience of the family you describe, Dude, in that DS' sleep needs have simplified and diminished over time, probably due to a combination of physical maturation and cumulative positive sleep associations

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LAF, this is a woo-woo unscientific suggestion, but I listen to ASMR sound videos on YouTube to fall asleep sometimes and they are brilliant. My untested opinion is that the calming response is a type of auditory-tactile synaesthesia. If your son is at all interested, it might be worth a try.

does he suffer from night terrors? I did, I grew out of them at about 15).

The combination of night terrrors, a vivid imagination and scary material is a perfect storm for anxiety. I used to read horror stories during the day and be a complete basket case at night having full blown hallucinations. I still don't look out the window at night in case I see piggy eyes looking at me a la Amityville, or look in the mirror after washing my hands at night.

Maybe see a sleep specialist, I believe there are drugs and therapies now to help, also just coping techniques. If it is terrors, the fear is real. People say that you can't remember them but it is not true, 20 years on, I still remember my scariest hallucinations and my parents reaction of punishing me for turning on the light. If you sort out the night problems, hopefully the day time issues should resolve.

I really feel for you - my daughter has had trouble falling asleep since she was a baby. It can be really rough! I used to spend hours and hours trying to get her to sleep or nap. :-( Fortunately, she's better now (at 9 yrs old). She goes to sleep on her own (most nights) and sleeps in her own room all night. (My 6 yr old ds is another story...)

She doesn't have the same level of anxiety as your child, but here are some things that worked for us...
We let her go to bed later - we eventually realized that she's a night owl. Trying to make her go to bed when the sleep books said she should was just an exercise in frustration. She gets ready for bed at the same time as DS but then we let her read (or draw or whatever) for a set time. Lights out is around 9:30 - 9:45 pm. By then she's tired enough that she (usually) falls asleep quickly. So even if one of us does end up sitting with her (rare these days), it's not for long.

My husband also taught her progressive relaxation and I think she still uses this sometimes when she's wound up for some reason. Oh - and she also uses sleep sounds (rain, waves - there are a few free Android apps that have this).

For the night waking - I don't have suggestions (my DS still does this), but I like the idea of trying a separate bed or mattress in your room.

Good luck. I have found with sleep issues that they do typically improve over time (although it doesn't always feel like it).

With our eldest DS we experienced night terrors and a hyper active mind that simply could NOT shut off. What actually ended up doing the most good was simply doing whatever we could to wear him out in the evening. Swimming, trampoline, soccer, etc. Sometimes we focus so much on our gifted kid's need for intellectual needs that we forget they're KIDS full of energy that needs a positive outlet. If we don't fulfill that need, there is a good chance sleep will evade such an active body and mind.

Have you talked with your DS about this issue in a calm, non-confrontational, matter-of-fact manner? I talk with my DS about these kinds of things as they appear as it's always good to get his perspective on it.

We do a few different things, depending on the situation:

1) Burrito-wrap.
DS8 still loves to be wrapped in his favorite blanket from time to time, especially when he is anxious about something. The snug sensation eases his fears and the burrito-wrap gives him an implied permission to regress a bit to when life was easy (as a baby.)

2) Favorite song.
I will snuggle him and sing his favorite song twice. Having a routine helps him immeasurably to settle down and get ready for sleep.

3) Bedroom time.
a) DS8 and I hang out in his bedroom during the day sometimes, doing stuff. It's a more comfortable environment if he's in it during the day.

b) We don't have bedtime; we have bedroom time. Bedroom time starts at 8PM; he may do anything he likes in his room as long as I don't see (no coming out to the living room) or hear him (no loud racket). I don't control when he will sleep; only he can do that.

4) Lights.
We usually leave his light on in his room; if I do turn off his light, I turn on the hall light as I have vivid memories of the gorilla in my closet.