Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Please Help upset and confused

No need to apologise. I will have to get more information about the hat incident myself now. My impression was he picked one off the ground near where he was asked to sit. He would have known it wasn't his. But now I am having images of him pulling a hat off some kids head, which I don't think is what happened, but I will confirm with the teacher today.

It's important to address the hat, but I agree with pp-- in no way should the the child's academic program be altered as punishment. They need to "discipline" in the original sense of the word-- "to teach."

If you do something like that it is appropriate that you miss recess or have to apologise publically or whatever. It is not appropriate to take away an academic activity. If the other kid had taken the hat they would have denied him maths for the week would they. I know it is not quite the same but an adequate education should not be used to manipulate.

Dubsyd, I'd also ask the teacher for clarity on the hat incident.


ITA!

polarbear

So I misunderstood about math class. He is in the top level group for year 1 math. That makes me feel a lot better.

As for the hat issue, as I suspected he took someone else's hat that was lying around. So he was definitely not bullying. And the other kids were already out playing, so I don't think he was preventing someone else from playing. I mentioned today that I didn't think he should be getting special treatment, just appropriate stuff. I think that will be something to be addressed at the formal meeting. Overall I am feeling much better. Thinking he was underachieving in math did get my mind rolling on the possibility of ADHD, which has occurred to me on a number of occasions over the last few years, but he is only 5.5, so not sure if it is better just to wait and see how that goes. Although, I would say he qualifies for all 18 of the diagnostic criteria in the dsm v. But I don't know how much in interfere with his life yet. I know I get frustrated with things like getting him to get dressed or stay sitting at the dinner table, and he is always losing stuff at school. The parenting fun never ends does it my husband doesn't think it a problem and his teacher thinks his behaviour is within the norm, so maybe best to leave that off for now.

I haven't read the DSM but don't the symptoms have to persist past 7 or 8 to get a diagnosis. Most of the behavoirs are perfectly normal at 5.

I have observed from a distance that programs may be more readily available to a gifted child who has the requisite maturity for the class.

I have also noticed programs that have all of the different types of gifted kids together and, to be honest, there can be interference between different types of learners, so a gifted support teacher would really have to understand what is going on in order to know who needs which type of environment and at what time.

A gifted person is used to, by nature, taking into account every possible, probable, impossible, improbable factor, but as far as I can tell the non-gifted people don't work that way at all.

In any school year figure out what your child and family need, communicate it and work from there. I think it is safe to say that it feels like trial and error, but that is how you are finding the way even if the paths are numerous, endless, curvy, straight, etc. It is part of the gifted family experience and it is a lot of work for the parents for sure.

My advice about ADHD is to wait til he is in first grade and the year gets underway. Ask if you can go into volunteer or at least observe. Then watch him and compare to the rest of the class. DS's last first grade teacher rated him actually above average for focus/attention. Then we switched schools/teachers. The teacher expresseed concern about "focus" but in a very off-hand manner. If I had let it drop, she would have let it drop. But I told her I want to come in. When I went in I could see immediately what she meant, and I don't see the same behavior at home. He looked like a space cadet. We are doing a trial of meds and it seems to be helping a lot. In one day he went from being on task 49 percent of the time (the school psych observed him during math) to being exactly like the other kids.
So what I'm saying is that if you have concerns, don't rely on the teachers to tell you. It was the same with DD. I really had to push the issue, go in and watch, etc. The teachers would talk about focus issues but acted like it wasn't that big of a deal and they didn't know if it was out of the norm or not. They don't want to come right out directly and tell you (because they are not allowed to). When I tutored in a school last year I worked with some kids who obviously had ADHD. I would express my concerns to the teachers and they would agree there are issues but never really wanted to talk about it, and they didn't talk to the parents unless it was very severe and the kid was disruptive.
That being said, it is very hard to figure out in kids that young because they are all kind of unfocused. That's why it makes sense to wait til he's 6 or 6.5, at least.

I wholeheartedly agree with blackcat's suggestion of going in to observe/help out in the classroom at the beginning of first grade. I wish I had not waited until November of first grade to do that.
That way you can see with your own eyes what the teacher is seeing and provide useful information based on your unparalleled knowledge of your son.
I took one look at my son inhis classroom environment and could tell he was extremely stressed, to others he just looked neurotic and quiet, which probably fit their expectations just fine since he has aspergers. He was seriously underacheiving academically and regressing in autism behaviors.... but doing so quietly and cooperatively so no one noticed but me.

thanks blackcat and LRS. We are actually in Australia, so we are in the second term of his kindergarten. He will not start 1st grade until February of next year, and he will be 6 then. Would you recommend I wait and look at an observation then? I am going to post some of my concerns in the 2e forum to try to get some perspective on whether my concerns really warrant further investigation, as I am starting to feel like I am being an over worrying mother.