Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums College Young college student-- Rush-- Y/N?

The colleges, in a fit of delusion or some sort of failure to understand human nature, completely abolished in loco parenetis.

This was a bad idea.

Granted, the entire idea that you should segregate people by age for their youth is probably equally dumb.

Personally, I'd have extreme reservations about it, given both the age thing, the allergy thing, and the overall culture of frats and sororities. That said, maybe she can check it out cautiously with the responsible friend from the lab at her side. Your DD has a good head on her shoulders and it's possible to likely that she'll want to get away without turning her back on the place.

College kids aren't exactly known for being tidy and careful about leaving food lying around, so it might be a good idea for her to quiz her friend about the amount of food left around the place (also might be enough to put her off joining).

Also, there's a difference between being a member of the group and living in a sorority house (I wouldn't go for that, BTW --- no way, not at all). Well, I'm assuming that not all the members live in the house?

Rush week: the sorority sisters would have to understand that forcing your daughter to do many or most of the inane things that get done during rush week and beyond can land them in jail and with a big civil judgment that will make their student loans look trivial.

They may treat her differently because of her age (meaning, anything from "sorry, you have to be 18 to join" to "we'll let you in without hazing but you can't come to the parties until you're 17 or 18.")

What are her expectations of Greek life? Can you help her manage her expectations, tempering them with reality? Are there any Greek organizations which may be a better "fit" than others? Other than Greek life, are there options for incoming freshmen in the Honors program to meet each other? Is there an event specifically for Presidential Scholars?

Based upon discussion threads on this forum, you may be missing a recollection of several previous posts about topics ranging from flexing kiddo's environment to accommodate asynchrony, to kiddo's preference for socializing with younger kids, to kiddo's boyfriends/girlfriend. You may be also be missing consistency, posting extremes of praising kiddo's maturity Versus concern about kiddo's potential decisions as a college student. Not criticizing, many parents have been there.

The decision may ultimately be about kiddo taking responsibility for herself and her ability to choose wisely, ensuring she has found a clear way to navigate out of a situation before getting herself into it. The decision may be equally about protecting your child, protecting the older students she may come in contact with, and protecting the institution which has admitted/enrolled her.

Personal proclivities aside, how would kiddo ensure no contact with peanut in the Greek life? Although you touched on this in posing your question, this may be an important topic with which to open a conversation with your kiddo.

Speaking from experience, I think greek life is VERY different if its public vs. private university and if it's 10% vs. 95%. What type of school does your daughter attend?

The bf did sound a *bit* wackadoo, so I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt on that one given my own wackadoo experience (non-bf/gf related).

I have a friend who was in a co-ed fraternity that was completely service-oriented. From her descriptions it sounds like it was a really great community of awesome young people. I'm pretty sure they didn't have a frat house. Perhaps your DD could bypass the whole princess-and-jock scene and go for something like that?

Is there something else that DD wants you to agree with that you otherwise wouldn't, so that winding you up about sororities will leave you so relieved at dodging that bullet that you don't think too heavily about the next thing?

I have no experience with fraternities or sororities. I would consider the single-sex nature of sorority housing a plus for my daughter. A recent study, cited below and discussed at

http://www.psmag.com/navigation/boo...-likely-graduate-time-greek-women-75861/
Fraternity, Sorority Members More Likely to Graduate on Time
BY TOM JACOBS
Pacific Standard
March 04, 2014

finds mostly positive effects for sororities.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2214804314000147
The impact of Greek organization membership on collegiate outcomes: Evidence from a National Survey
P. Wesley Routon, Jay K. Walker
Journal of Behavioral and Experimental Economics
Volume 49, April 2014, Pages 63–70
Abstract
Using a longitudinal survey of college students from over 400 institutions and a propensity score weighting framework, we examine the impacts of college fraternity and sorority membership on academic outcomes and general facets of the college experience. Our results suggest a mixed academic effect for males and a positive academic effect for females. For both genders, we find evidence that membership increases the likelihood of graduating on time and graduate school aspirations. For males, however, there appears to be a small, negative impact on grades. For both genders, we find that Greek membership increases the frequency of alcohol and cigarette consumption and decreases religious convictions and religious service attendance. Lastly, Greek organization members are more likely to participate in student government, perform volunteer work, and begin their careers immediately following graduation.

Other research has found that fraternity members are more likely to attain leadership positions:

http://www.theatlantic.com/educatio...nts-were-in-college-fraternities/283997/
18 U.S. Presidents Were in College Fraternities
Do frats create future leaders, or simply attract them?
MARIA KONNIKOVA
The Atlantic
FEB 21 2014

At Harvard, "Record Number of Women Rush Sororities" http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2014/2/12/record-women-sororities-rush/ , suggesting to me that sorority membership is compatible with academic seriousness.

I have sorority experience and I can say it was not at all what I expected. I know not everyone and every college is the same, but I soon found out I'm definitely NOT the sorority type.

The social things were sort of fun, but a waste of time and came with "rules" of what you could and couldn't do while having this so called fun. The "service oriented" things were mostly subpar like teeter-tottering all day and night to raise money for a charity. The money raised was minimal and it was all more for show than anything else.

I got into trouble for not going to meetings and other gatherings - there was always something and I didn't have the time. I wasn't at college to talk about which frat we were allowed to associate with and which girl (of legal age) was seen carrying a beer around a bar. Not that your DD would have to deal with this, but it was a rule - you could sit at a table with a beer, but you couldn't walk around with a beer in your hand.

I didn't make any real connections other than my "Big Sis" who graduated summa cum laude the year I pledged. She was joining the Peace Corps prior to continuing her education. Most of the girls that seemed great, fun, and intelligent during rush week I found out were really just hoping to date a guy on the football team since our team was top ranked at that time.

I dropped it (or whatever the technical term is) after 1 year and got a HUGE speech about how I could never be a Greek ever again. I was okay with that!

Yeah-- make no mistake, I'm wise to turning this one into a power struggle, knowing my daughter. I'll bite my tongue so hard it bleeds if that is what it takes here. Since she's attending the local institution, and will be a 15yo managing a life-threatening and very volatile disabling medical condition, she won't be living away from home in any event-- at least not the first two or three years. She knows this and is okay with it.

I'm merely wondering if there is something that I'm not seeing-- if so, then I'm willing to learn and revise my rhetoric/tone with my DD accordingly.

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Also-- indigo, please realize that this is a PG kiddo and that there are a LOT of layers of consideration that aren't about being PG or asynchronous, even-- stuff that I don't always post here (see note above about disability issue). Secondly, some of the posts alluded to are years in the past. {Side note: it's been my experience elsewhere that many parents of younger kids find such an 'arc' of posting to be VERY helpful as a kind of roadmap for themselves... I've been the recipient of that kind of help here and elsewhere, ergo-- I pay it forward.}

I first began reading here when my DD was about nine years old, and posting when she was just 11 and (at the time) in existential/school-precipitated crisis. Most of the things that I've posted over the years have been speculative-- hunting ideas to deal with a particular thorny problem, or seeking alternative perspectives. Not drama. Similarly, not looking for drama here, either-- more trying to find out if there is something that I've not already considered.

So far, it seems not.

This is a flagship public university, and the campus is not overwhelmingly Greek-- she will be in the honors cohort, which is about 1/30th the size of the larger university in which it is housed. Unclear what the rate of Greek participation is within that smaller cohort, but I'm guessing it's not that high. There is definitely a party-culture here surrounding the Greek houses off-campus, and police incidents are definitely not rare. Mostly that seems to involve frats, though, not the sororities-- but-- it's also hard to tease apart, and as is typical for a campus like this, I strongly suspect that a lot of what goes on never makes the public police blotter at all.


My biggest concern re: Greek culture here is that it is also rape culture. This is a campus which is not that dissimilar to the one that I attended for grad school (but with slightly lower Greek participation) and the sorority girls that I encountered there while TA-ing and teaching... make me want to throw my body between that system and my DD, quite frankly-- and would, even if she were 18. THAT campus has made the news quite regularly, and Greek row has, on occasion involved riot squads and letters to alums offering apologies for the horrible publicity.

This ain't Mount Holyoke, let's just say.