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    Joined: Dec 2013
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    Reba Offline OP
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    again today. Our dd spent about 4 days in the principals office last semester, mostly because she was bullied by 3 girls and scared to death to go to class. Eventually, she went to class. Now, she has had 2 weeks off, and back to scared to death to go to school again. I was able to get her into school, but when I left her in the principals office, she lost it. Total anxiety, separation anxiety too. The problem is, they just see a behavioral case, strong willed, stubborn child. She is on Zoloft for anxiety, which we were weaning her from thinking she didn't need it (wrong). Any advice from you who have anxious ones? Our dd pediatrician, really wants us to switch dd to another school that is much smaller class size. Currently, her school is huge, and dd has been anxious ever since she started there last May.
    I have been reading so many great posts regarding how to best help our child. We do have our dd doing a shadow day next week at a different school, praying it will be a better fit. But who knows, if our dd's current school tells them about today, maybe they won't let her.
    So, what have you done for your anxious kiddos? What has worked and what hasn't? By the way, she is only anxious about school, nothing else. Thanks.

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    22B Offline
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    It sounds like like the right "medicine" to treat the anxiety is simply to get away from that school.

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    I am assuming your child is already seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist?

    My DS14 had a major problem with anxiety in 6th grade. His had to do with the amount of work, and level self motivation the class expected. In addition he was expected to work in groups a lot, and there were many clashes of egos. (Groups of gifted 12 year old boys who all think they are right makes for challenging dynamic.) He was not the only kid to show anxiety problems in his class. (One of the others was eventually homeschooled.) We worked with a psychologist, and played up the fact that he only a few months left in that particular school. As he was already in an advanced class, I didn't push the academics or his grades until this year. The teacher made some modification on the homework for him. His psychologist taught him some techniques that helped him when he melted in school, and we worked with his teacher on allowing him to take a breather when he started to melt down. He was having screaming fits in class. I still had to take him home from school, several times in the middle of the day but we made it though. (I'd better not mention the time I came to pick him up and the principal had him cornered.) At this point he is a freshman in H.S. and hasn't had an anxiety related issues since the middle of 7th grade.

    I would seriously consider an different school or homeschooling. It sounds like this school is not working with you. I am particularly concerned that there is bullying going on. Did anything happen to those 3 girls? Are they still keeping it up. I find that teachers & administrators like to believe the stories from the "bullies" in these situations because they are often very good at lying/pulling the wool over the adults.

    Why are you dropping your daughter off at the principals office? Is this a public school or private? Does he have an 504? Why would the school you are checking out talk with her current school at this time? Are they asking for references?

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    22B Offline
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    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    I find that teachers & administrators like to believe the stories from the "bullies" in these situations because they are often very good at lying/pulling the wool over the adults.
    It's often not really the case that they believe the stories from the bullies, but rather that they choose to play along with them.

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    Originally Posted by 22B
    Originally Posted by bluemagic
    I find that teachers & administrators like to believe the stories from the "bullies" in these situations because they are often very good at lying/pulling the wool over the adults.
    It's often not really the case that they believe the stories from the bullies, but rather that they choose to play along with them.
    That is probably a better way to put it. It's since these kids seem to be playing by the rules, and tell the adults what they want to hear.

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    Reba Offline OP
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    So, today I woke up my dd and told her "welcome to the first day of the new year for" (since yesterday was so bad). We toured the new school again, they still have off. She got to sit on in her future fourth grade class, and loved it already. Smaller class size, but nice big spacious room. By the way, her last school was open concept - hate those schools. To have 100 fourth graders partitioned off, just not a good fit for her at all.
    Yes, it was a public school, and the reason I brought her to the office yesterday, was she was too scared to go to class. Their rule though is a child must be in school, even if it is reading in the office.
    We are keeping her home until the new school lets her shadow next week, and go from there. Keeping fingers crossed.

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    good luck Reba! I hope that the new school is a good fit! smile

    having watched my son go through really high anxiety before, I can only offer hugs across the internet to you and to her!


    Mom to 3 gorgeous boys: Aiden (8), Nathan (7) and Dylan (4)
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    Good luck! Just a thought, maybe you can tour the 5th grade class while you are at the new school too? Getting a closer fit at the base grade level might also help quite a bit.

    [ETA re: my experience- my HG son skipped one grade and then transferred to a school that worked one year ahead, so effectively skipped two grades, before we found a good fit. But even skipping the one grade made a huge positive difference. Since your DD is already 10, she likely wouldn't be the youngest one in 5th.]

    Edited again to add that the Iowa Acceleration Manual is a wonderful objective tool to determine whether a student is a good candidate for acceleration.

    Last edited by st pauli girl; 01/03/14 04:33 PM.

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