Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Am i overreacting about this ??

I have posted about my son's behavior problem at school not too long ago . He's in 2nd grade , 8 years old .

So , the school started doing a private behavior chart with him , since punishment and negative consequences isn't working with him . They started working on positive rewards .

The way it works , DS has to collect 17 initials out of 24 to meet his goal . It is for :

- Talking in appropriate time
- Be respectful with adults and peers
- Finishing work in timely manner
- Use time and materials wisely

Each for : Power up time , math , language and arts , specials ( music , art , pe , computer ) , science , lunch / recess .

So far he's doing better with this behavior chart . He met his goals , sometimes he even gets almost perfect day , some other days just met his goal . So overall it's not too bad .

Now , my problem is ..

During lunch , the school has last 5 minute silent lunch . You're not allowed to talk or whisper or anything , just put your head down and don't talk . And if they see you talk or whisper or anything , then you get consequences . The consequences is losing recess the next day . Because their recess is before lunch time . Their purpose for 5 minutes silent lunch is so that whoever needs to finish , can finish their lunch still .

I really don't think it is fair at all . Especially with DS' problem with behavior , and now that he's been doing better with it and met his goals , etc . He had his recess taken away even if he had a great day . Why ? because he got caught talking or whispering during the last 5 minute silent lunch .

This is very upsetting for me , it feels like it defeats the purpose of giving him a positive rewards . I am afraid his behavior will be spiraling down the drain again because he'll think " i had a good day but my recess got taken away .. so what's the point earning 17 or more signatures anyway ? "

Don't they know these kids need to let their energy out , they sit all day , they can't talk all day , and lunch and recess are the only time they can socialize with their friends !!

Am i overreacting about this ? please let me know if i am . My husband was not happy about this at all , yesterday he emailed the school , but the school's reply was nothing that we already knew .. " we allow our students to talk except for the last 5 minutes "

I mean , these kids are so wound up with talking , chit chatting for 25 minutes and then they expect them just to shut up and be quiet just like that ? And punishing them by taking away next day recess for it ?

Uh no - you are not over-reacting. That is horrendous. I have read that schools particularly in the south do stuff like this and I have read that it is a very bad practice and very bad for kids. I don't where you are but you have my deepest sympathies -it truly honestly sounds a really poorly run school.

This is pretty much standard practice in my kids' school.

However, the taking recess away is also illegal.

So, you might want to check the laws of your state.

We have been dealing with this kind of thing all year and it is so upsetting to my daughter and to myself as her parent. Taking away recess should be the absolute last resort reserved for horrible infractions, IMO. Kids need to play and burn off energy. My DD has come home crying several times each month over losing recess primarily because the entire class got punished for talking too much. I spoke to the classroom teacher about it, and she refused to believe me that DD could possibly be so upset over something so insignificant as recess. I feel your pain.

Oh, I feel your pain. Obviously, the problem here is, WHY ARE THEY ONLY GETTING 30 MINUTES FOR LUNCH??!!

Don't count on those kids getting 25 minutes to chit-chat, either. In my DD's school, the first ten minutes of lunch was getting the kids to line up and be quiet, march to the lunch room, stand in line again for lunch (even for kids who brought their lunches), and then sitting in assigned seats, which weren't necessarily next to their friends (definitely not, in DD's case). DD regularly came home with her lunch half-eaten, because there was too much time taken up by teacher tomfoolery.

In my day, lunch and recess were not separate things. You ate your lunch, then you got up and went to play. The reason this worked was because many grades used the lunch room and playground together, 1-3 for one period, 4-6 for the next (K had their own area). DD's school was only allowing one grade at a time in the lunch room, and in the playground. What this is supposed to accomplish, I have no idea.

Oh, and DD kept losing her recess because other kids couldn't line up and be quiet. This taught her to hate her so-called peers.

Anyway, I share your outrage. And I don't see any amount of advocacy changing this, because it's a school-wide problem, not an individual one. It would pretty much take a groundswell of complaints from parents to get this changed.

You're right , we're in the southern state . We live in Texas , we just moved here a year ago from midwest area . And me and DH were shocked when we heard about " silent lunch " even if it's 5 minutes silent lunch then losing next day recess as the consequences .

Oh and also this ..

Walking backwards , twirling a book during car line , spinning ruler after doing your job , these are all reasons for them to " move his clip "

These teachers really need to start worrying about educating our children instead of worrying about little things like that !! So so mad ..

I took DS to therapist just last week ( due to his behavior at school), first time therapist saw the communication cards , immediately she said " His teacher DOES NOT like him at all .. look all these reports .. she's nitpicking everything he does . It is obvious she doesn't like him "

I just tell my kids that the teacher and school staff can simply be ignored.

It's not like I care what they think.

It is so ridiculous to have a silent lunch . I just don't understand , they expect these kids to be quiet during lunch . And then when they take away recess , don't they think they'll be more rebellious because they don't get time to let those energy out ?

So mad .. i am thinking about emailing all parents and see what we can do about this .

Esp. for DS case though .. he's been working hard to improve his behavior , we even go to a pyschiatrist and then therapist , both professional said " nothing wrong with your son , he's bored , he needs to be challenged , and his teacher hates him "
( the school wanted to have him evaluated by the school's therapist who's specialised in autistic children , but we chose to have our own therapist evaluated him )

Anyway it's so upsetting because he's been working on improving his behavior and even on a good day , his recess got taken away because he said " cool " to his friend during silent lunch . Oh i am so mad !!!!

I went to catholic school when i was young ,but i never had any silent lunch time !!! If i didn't finish well then i didn't , and that means i'd be hungry and my mom wouldn't be too happy with me . Are we trying to raise a robot or something ?

It reminds me of a Pink Floyd song ' Another brick in the wall ' That's how i feel about our education systems here in US !!!

The school year is almost over.

Don't you get a new teacher next year?

I would have an issue with this also! So they are saying kids can't eat while other kids are talking - oh, yes this makes total sense (she says sarcastically).

Our school takes recess away also as consequence. What does not getting recess look like? For us it means the kids have to walk around the playground the entire time. By doing this the kids still get exercise so school is off the hook legally.

OTOH - a 30 min. lunch would be great! Our daughters get a 25 minute lunch and that is from the classroom, down the long hallway, into the serving lines, filling your tray and eating, so more like 15-20 minutes depending on where you are in the line.