Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I was chastised by the principal today

I wrote an email to the math specialist who had signed DS5 up for DreamBox to thank her and to see if she had any other recommendations. DS5 loves the program but spends a lot of time on it and is doing the 4th and 5th grade curriculum. I would like to have some other options for him because I am not completely thrilled with this obsession, that might be a strong word, but I also don't want to shut him down. He is so proud of himself as he is progressing. I also threw in a little comment about how I didn't know what we were going to do with him in the coming years based on his place in the program.

I haven't heard back from the math specialist but she apparently spoke to the principal about my email and DS5's time on DreamBox. I was leaving the school today when the principal came up to me and said that I need to "unplug my son". I need to send him outside and play. I need to remember who the parent is and just say no to DS playing it too much. I told him that DS loves it and he does go outside and play, and reads, and builds, etc. I also explained that DS sees it being taken away as a punishment. I offered to let him come over and see if he could deal with it better than I was.

This all happened in about three minutes or less as I was about to be late getting my daughter. After I left i started getting a little upset. He was basically saying that he thought I wasn't parenting DS5 very well. I have concerns about the amount of time he spends on the program but it's the only electronic thing he does. He doesn't watch TV, movies, or play video games. If fact until very recently he only got a max of about ten minutes on the computer a day. I was hoping that by letting this go it might take care of itself but it is not looking that way. That's another discussion.

I'm seriously considering emailing him to continue this and/or ask for an in face meeting. Then I think that I'll basically be defending myself and that really shouldn't be something that I feel the need to do. However I do feel like I need to. I don't want them viewing me as a bad parent, making assumptions about my family, and possibly using this presumptuously in further conversations.

Any opinions or BTDT? Ugh!!!!!

I wonder if our principals know each other. I was chastised last week by mine. He pulled me aside and basically told me my emails need to be "nicer and more thankful"... he told also told me I push too much. It was a bit patronizing when I all I want is for one of only about three accommodations that DS REALLY needs to be provided to him consistently.

Also, just something to remember - be careful because all of your emails are forwarded to the principal and beyond. Just keep that in mind, it will be read by the principal and it will e read by strangers in the district even, who do not know you your child or the background. Even though the advocate I talked to said my emails were well-written and fine in both tone and content I have made a conscious effort to be very careful about what I say and how I say it.

It sounds like he said what's better for him and not what's best for the child. People think if they couch it in a cliche' then it's the end of the discussion. It's probably as effective as it is infuriating. No advice, just an opinion.

I had to reply, because my 4 yo is nurturing her Dreambox obsession as we speak. how much time is ok? I mean, he is making incredible progress, and if it's balanced with the rest of his life, you know what is right for own child. The average kid in the US watches 4 hours of tv per day, and I doubt the principal is lecturing those parents.

I tend to avoid confrontation, so if it were me, I'd probably let the insult go, and just ask the math specialist if she has any other resources to recommend so that he learns in other ways too.

My daughter does well if I explain official recommendations. For example, the AAP recommends 2 hours or less of screen time, so you can play for 2 hours.

That was uncalled for and really unprofessional. Take a deep breath. I don't see any positive outcome from pursuing this with your principal. I would let it drop. Especially as you know you have lots of misunderstandings to deal with at school ahead.

You are a great mom but you don't have to be a perfect, above reproach parent. The principal's opinion of you will most likely become worse if you don't let some things like this go. You don't answer to him about your parenting. He was out of line to advise you like this. But responding to his unprofessionalism here has the potential to make you look obsessive and unbalanced. I'd walk away from this fight.

Sorry you had such a bad experience today.

I agree with marytheres!
One of my dear friends is a teacher in another state, after venting to her all my frustrations/miscommunications etc with DS teacher, she told me to put everything in emails. only.
also,
to make it only about DS. To be courteous but be the advocate...
oh- and to send cc: to Principal and any other "higher-ups", so that the Teacher KNOWs I am sending to her superiors.

So I did this. It proved to be quite effective and get everyone's attention. It also shows I am trying to be a team player, that I want best for DS, but also that I will not take any *crap*!!!

re: your situation? I would send a "follow-up" email to the Principal, just to clarify what was said... and have it in writing. Make sure to restate it is your DS only computer time- noting it is educational(you'd think they'd be glad right?) and that you are open to constructive ummmm not criticism I think, but "ideas" ? idk!

one thing? I agree with setting a limit to the time he spends on DreamBox- but I'd say 1hr a day? *most kids watch tv or play video games for at least that much time each day- your son is doing something Educational. I do not consider it harmful except when it becomes the ONLY thing he wants to do... (i mean that with my own DS i would- can't speak for you or yours )

I still NEED to get my DS plugged into DreamBox

I'd wish I could summon up something like this in a conversational timeframe:
My seven year old is an outlier, he learns crazy stuff at all sorts of rates. Neither conventional wisdon nor studies based on the middle of the curve are adequate ways for me to judge his behavior. I don't question how he goes about it, whether with books or "screen time" (welcome to 2013, where that is becoming a fuzzy, fuzzy line.) He downloaded around a dozen math apps this past weekend alone. Last night he was watching a video and doing practice questions on Pythagoras Theorem and understanding it. I would be a fool to interfere with this.

But probably the best I'd get out would be:
Thank you for sharing your opinion with me.

But in the back of my mind would be a sentence involving the word "need" and a couple of pieces of anatomy.

I agree with Zen Scanner: he may not be likely to understand, full stop. How open-minded is this person in general? Is this the first time he's ever spoken in this way? Do you get an impression that your son has done well because you push him, or do you have an impression that he's knowledgeable about giftedness or levels of giftedness?

Your best answer will depend on what your impression of him is. If he's unlikely to understand giftedness, my advice is: don't defend yourself. If you want to email him, put him on the defensive by asking why he's judging your son's interests and your decisions about how to raise him. Otherwise, you could send an "I'm confused about what you said" message that also tells him that you felt like he was judging your son's interests and your decisions.

I've been wrestling with this issue myself--if DD9 is *reading* something, but on a computer/Kindle/iPad, and it's educational, should that really count as screen time (i.e., in the sense of something that should be limited)? Actually for written stuff she prefers books or magazines and I had a hard time getting her to use the Kindle until she realized we can get books on it *right away* sometimes instead of having to schedule a trip to the bookstore, so she's slowly changing her mind. To say nothing of, she's wise to the fact that DH and I use computers all the time, all day, for work--so to be fair, isn't it a little weird to say she should only look at a screen for a much smaller amount of time a day, regardless of content?

Sorry--as to the OP, I too would be offended, but I would let it go for now just because I think it would be more advantageous to you and your DS to simply work some kind of comment into a later conversation along the lines you indicated and how much your DS has learned, in a positive way. But I have been burned by trying to call people on stuff where I thought they were clearly way off base and having them get all passive-aggressive on me, and getting nowhere after that. But clearly it works for some people, and you are a better judge of that...just keep in mind that as hard as it is, calling people on stuff may not be what's best for getting your kid what they need and you want. That may make it easier to bite your tongue for the time being Good luck!

Zen!
your 7yo sounds Wonderful!!!
Agreed- don't change what Aint broken lol

If a kid is HAPPY ? I say let them be, the fact some of our kids actually ENJOY learning new things seems to be like some crime almost against us as parents and I'm tired of all that...

*let them be kids how they choose to be kids- follow their lead on their "play" choices, give them creative freedom to explore what They want... Why must we force them into a box? make them conform to what society says is "normal"? What is normal?

If your DS7 enjoys doing Math apps? who cares? let him! (i think you are a terrific parent and i don't even know you!)
That may not be the neighbor kids choice, but whose to say your DS isn't that child who will "change the world" and make a difference etc etc, not to say the kid who just plays baseball all day or video games won't!

But if we don't let kids do what they want,as far as to create, explore, learn, etc--- we are doing a disservice and limiting them and so on.

i'm done.