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    Joined: Jan 2013
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    Get your kid a library card at a good library (university library if possible), and if economically possible take your kid to a good bookstore once a month and let them buy any book they want.

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    Our DD (11) recently confirmed how much to push her. She told me "these are my goals, I need you to help me meet them... push me when I'm distracted and lazy." And I think that's a very good plan. Now when I push I can say "remember, you told me to" -- and she knows that's true.

    DD is happiest when she has something to learn, when her brain is busy. And she likes being taught as opposed to teaching herself. When she doesn't have that she's miserable and a misery to deal with (to be honest). So we need to provide that. However, along with those opportunities to keep that brain busy comes a certain amount of responsibility and, yes, work. So we push her to stick with it and do the work and handle the responsibility because it comes from a place of making her happy.

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    I haven't found the perfect balance. It's tricky and I think it really depends on your kid. Some kids thrive on being perpetually busy and others it just saps them. The problem is what can help one kid doesn't help another, there really isn't a one size fits all.

    Most important is listening to your child, communicating with them, and trying out different things. You won't get everything right all of the time. I once totally by accident over-scheduled my daughters after school activities, it was a crazy 2 months we got through it and I better learned a lot from the experience.

    For my son I have overstepped and pushed too hard in 6th grade, we then backed WAY off. Now that he is in H.S. I am back to pushing him more than is natural for me, but I feel it's what he NEEDS at this time. I am having a hard time getting my son to understand that many of the other kids aren't "better" than him they just work a heck of a lot harder.

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    I would have liked more pushing and direction as a child. I was fascinated by history and my father had done a reasonable amount of history at university level - I would have liked him to sit down and teach me stuff once a week. I was not able to do more than read myself.

    I think IQ is nature but performance can be nurture and just because your IQ is x doesn't mean you can't perform a SD or so higher with work. We have to remember too that for every successful Chinese immigrant you see there are a VERY large number in China who may have been less successful (in a capatilist sort of way). And different populations can have different IQ distributions.


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    Originally Posted by Ivy
    Our DD (11) recently confirmed how much to push her. She told me "these are my goals, I need you to help me meet them... push me when I'm distracted and lazy." And I think that's a very good plan. Now when I push I can say "remember, you told me to" -- and she knows that's true.
    I ask my high school son how much he wants me to push. How do you need my help? DO you want me to bug you everyday to practice? Can I find you a tutor? Do you need some ideas?

    Sometimes he looks at me and grunts, others he tells me he's OK, and others to my surprise he tell me asks for help such as a reminders. He was the one who suggested I bug him every hour to help keep him on task while he studies for finals. And he wants that reminder to practice his instrument every day.

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