Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Others' reactions to our kids

I was told by a friend the reason my girls don't sleep 12 hours each night like her kids do is because I don't discpline them enough. I couldn't get it through her head that my kids don't sleep much and that's just one of their "quirks". Nope, I don't discpline them enough.

hmmm...

I know that their children would NEVER do this to them, either. In the interests of being fair.

LOL.

I got told a LOT about what was "developmentally appropriate" in terms of impulse control, touching/mouthing objects, etc. Long before most people had any idea just how high DD's LOG was, we looked like total helicopter parents.

So they definitely assume that she's a product of parental grooming somehow.

Oh well. I've really let go of most of my angst on this score.

I do recall one exchange at the park when DD was about two, though.

(outraged fellow parent) "You can't stop them from TOUCHING things at this age, you know. That's not developmentally appropriate. It's how kids learn about the world. I would never do that to my child!"

Me: What? Keep her alive, you mean? Developmentally inappropriate or not, she HAS to ask before she picks things up off the ground. So she does.

I have started to avoid friends who have kids the same age as dd or even 2-3 years older. It is sad but that is the only way I can avoid hurting them, myself and most importantly my kid. The only person I cannot avoid is my SIL whose son is 2 months younger than DD. MY SIL treats DD badly by completely ignoring her even when DD is addressing her directly. She also pretends to not understand my DD even though her speech is legible enough for strangers to have conversations with her. DD is still innocent where she does not pick up on this. However, if and when DD starts to feel the insult, I will be staying away from SIL as well. Sigh!

Our kids are masters at blending, which has good and bad aspects. The good are mostly the obvious, but here is an example of the bad.

We advocated to get dd (7th grade) into a special district-wide language arts program for HG kids. They actually have a policy against parent nominations, but apparently dd blends so well she fell through the cracks of the selection process. When I finally got their attention (using my best stealth techniques), the administrator at the school called me and said "___[dd] meets the criteria for the program. I knew she is a strong student, but I just looked at her MAP reading score and I don't think I've ever seen one that high before!!"

Interesting on multiple levels.... This was after the person who *should* have initiated the nomination said to us (about dd), "She would be a great candidate for the program. I don't know how I overlooked her before."

Comments seemed to peak around 3 because that was when the gap was most obvious. Here was this baby faced child reading fluently, using a very extensive vocabulary, with encyclopedia knowledge of many things in her environment and she still thought that was normal so she just spoke her mind. Now, we do get comments, but because she is extroverted and happy go lucky and popular,she doesn't present in a way that reads super smart kid from a distance and most parents don't even talk to her anymore. She still has her impressive, shocking moments, but three was certainly the year that we heard comments on an almost daily basis. I remember her holding a squirrel toy at a store when she was three and a grandmother type bent down to ask her "what kind of squirrel is that" and she said, "an impertinent one I imagine!" (it had an impish look) and the lady gave the strangest smile.

Same for us. Now that DS is 7 and his agemates are speaking well he doesn't stand out as much. You have to engage in a deeper conversation with him before you realize his intellect. Whereas when he was about 3, speaking clear, and talking openly about the universe, anatomy, or whatever he was interested in at that moment, he stood out more than he does now.

Our DD8 is silly and outgoing, but there are still so many ways in which she shows off her intellect just by being herself. For instance, we recently had an adult visitor in our house, and with her parents occupied, DD decided to occupy herself by using her white board to validate that "Tom Marvolo Riddle" really was an anagram of "I am Lord Voldemort." The visitor couldn't help but notice, and comment (positively).

We found that 4-6 yo was when we got the greatest number of comments (often based on what she was reading or asking)-- but also again at 9-11 yo, when as an accelerated kid, she was very obviously tiny/young as compared to peers in activities.

It's becoming less obvious now that she is an adolescent-- the tween years were very hard this way, and a lot of the most hurtful comments (from DD's perspective) were during that period of time.

Same here, with my DD10. Once she entered preschool (3 months before she turned 4) she learned to play chameleon and to hide the differences.

Doctors have always noticed that my son is very bright and articulate. The doctor my son saw a few days ago said that my son seemed older and much more mature than the typical 14 year old. My son is having to hear a lot of very difficult things about his upcoming spinal fusion surgery, including the inevitable pain and risk of complications. He has the maturity and intelligence to look up information online and learn what he needs to know to help make the decisions that must be made and to ask the questions that need to be asked. He did this on his own. He knew I was having trouble with all of this so he didn't talk to me about it and he did it without thinking that he needed to be medicated for anxiety. He explained to the doctor that his blood pressure always goes back down after he hears bad news. He accepts the bad news and moves forward with whatever he needs to do.