Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Remind me that this is why we skipped...

Ahh, well, this was an ongoing point of disagreement with my OWN mom until the day she died, too.

Similarly, it was wrapped up in her own guilt for maybe not advocating enough for me. With the additional layer of her having been in a position of "should have known better" since she was an educator.

So we heard an endless litany of "She seems like a perfectly NORMAL ____ year old little girl to me..." complete with pointed, nasty looks at me, which was her passive-aggressive means of letting me know that I was Ruining My Child's Life Forever.

So no, I can offer sympathy. I can point out that there are probably some battles which cannot be won with any amount of truth or logic. But I can't tell you how to work this with your mom. If I knew, I'd have used it with my own.

Oh that's good to hear (thank you!)

I think we all have a pretty good sense of how to help our kids, but like you say, validation helps too.

Yes, I bet we would have lots of company! I guess I should be thankful, my mom is not passive-aggressive--she just flat out tells me, lol! And then when she doesn't listen to any truth or logic, it ends up going down the inevitable road of "I just won't say anything" ( never going to happen!) or "I know, it is all my fault that you and your brother are underachievers" (It is not all her fault...but my daughter is very much like me (minus the 2E I think) and I get her, and my experiences do shed light on these decisions.)

I think I just need to give up on reason or logic and just accept that any stumbles, probably from now on, will attributed to the skip. (while knowing better myself) Sigh. Surely we will not do this stuff to our own daughters! Right?

Exactly! My DS took his Honors Geometry class this summer and came back with a 64% on his first test. He never felt he deserved his 4.0 because he didn't work hard at it. He had no skills in preparing for a test on challenging material. He was shaken by it at first but it was the best experience for him in the end. He said at the end of the summmer he felt he earned his grade and his accelerated placement this year. He has never felt he deserved his higher placements because he does not work hard like his friends to earn them in his mind. He spends his morning at our high school and the afternoon in the middle school. His experience being pushed and challenging has made his transition go smoothly. He walked into that High School surrounded by kids years older than him confident with his head held high. The experience taught him sooooo much! He is more confident in his ability to recover from mistakes, he has learn some strong study skills, and has really learned to how to learn from his mistakes.

IMHO, we all need to know how to get up when we fall. Our kids need those skills and experiences to be prepared for life. I have no regrets about pushing and challenging him this year. It was long over due for us.

deacongirl, maybe you just need to state the principle more succinctly: "I don't want DD going to college with kinks." Sometimes it's all in the phrasing.

Awesome! Thank you for sharing.

Or, "I don't want my DD to be kinky in college"

We're right there with you right now--DD is at a GT magnet and the math is a year ahead. They start them off slow the first year, though. This year--not anymore. She's struggling a little right now--what? I don't understand this instantly? I have to PAY ATTENTION? I must be AN IDIOT! I AM NO GOOD AT MATH! AAIIIIEEEEEEEEE11111!!!!!

(I know all the other kids in the class are going through the same thing bc I've talked to their parents)

It's very early in the year. This is the polar bear swim.

Yes, this is one of the only places where you will find a big group of people who do NOT want their kids to get all A's. Our kids deserve to learn how to fail and how to persevere, just like all the other kids in school.

I haven't had time to read the other replies, but my first thought is - chances are she might have received the very same 60% grade if she'd waited until next year to start 7th grade - like you, I suspect it's more related to how-to-study-skills than the *ability* to learn the work. It could also mean she wasn't feeling well during the test or whatever! And do you really know what the other kids got on the test? Maybe everyone got a 60?

We've approached middle school as the place where our kids need to learn *how* to study, how to be organized, etc - as well as a place where they can be challenged intellectually and pushed a bit so that they can soar once they reach high school. From all I've ever heard, grades on a report card in middle school don't show up in any way/shape or form on their high school transcript, but the *skills* they learn (organizational/study) absolutely will show up in grades once they hit high school, and I also believe it's really important to keep our kids excited about learning during middle school as other things like peer pressure etc kick in - and for many of our HG/EG/PG kids, keeping them excited about learning at this age means giving them intellectual challenges, not letting them sit back and earn all easy As. Do you want me to call your Mom and have a word with her

Stepping off my small soap box... I would have a tough time having my mom know so much about what my dd is doing in school. My perspective is skewed of course by my own individual mom - but she tends to be critical of things, and I can't imagine having to listen to her obsess over one of my kids getting a low grade! Just remember, your mom is *your* parent, not your dd's. You're supporting your dd in the way you know is best - don't worry about what your mom thinks about this one test grade.

polarbear

ps - wanted to add, my ds started middle school in 6th, and that's the first time kids in our area get letter grades. Not getting all As on his first grade reports *really* motivated him and he's developed excellent study habits