Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy we're FINISHED with THAT school!

ok, so I know it's home and she's more comfortable and blah blah blah, but...

DD started working on today's classwork around 9am. I gave her some time limits for a few activities and she easily completed each item, mostly in far less time than I guessed the teacher would have alloted. I know also there are things like short recesses and periods of time that would normally involve some time wasted by changing seats, waiting for others, etc. The assignment that was group work, she and I discussed together for maybe 10 minutes (deciphering the meaning of proverbs) then she completed the writing in about 4 minutes...mind you, this is a kid who has previously refused to write on many occasions and it was like meltdown territory...I even gave her 20 minutes to just read and some breaks between different kinds of work. We spent 10 minutes watching You tube videos of how the sun moves across the sky...she even already did tonight's homework. The only thing she has left is to "write" her spelling words on the computer in different fonts, colors, etc like in Geronimo Stilton...we were done in 2 HOURS! Oh, she also made a thank you card and an apology card in that time and now we have started the laundry.
Other than recess and lunch, and maybe the more appropriate video the teacher would have shown for science, can someone tell me WHAT THE HECK my kid is doing for the other 6 hours of the day?!?!?!
I put sticky note with feedback on some of the assignments to let the teacher know just how well Butter can do in the right environment...I'm sure they will just look at that and attribute it to her being at home, but that is the point, I guess, CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT!
I also treated her to a bagel this morning, AFTER we dropped off The Diva and promised her we could go to the library this afternoon. No screen time during what would be regular school hours though, of course. She is very happy today. And I am too.

Additionally, since the charachter development exercise used the word respect and had a definition, I asked Butter if she respected Mrs W. "No, not really." She can't really tell me why, so I ask if she thinks Mrs W respects her? "No"...I ask "Do you trust her? If you had a problem you didn't want to take to me about, do you think you could go to Mrs W?" She says "No". No also to her counselor, but yes to Ms V, the school psychologist. I even asked if she thought she could go to last year's teacher and she still said no. That is sad. A kid should be able to trust and respect their teacher and feel respected and like a part of the classroom. Sadly, my child appears not to.

That's CA law, right? Your child is exempt under Section 48222 or 48224, which are "provisions of this chapter," if you homeschool using one of the 4 options described here: http://www.hslda.org/laws/analysis/California.pdf

I think you already know the answers to that:

- Being bored
- Acting out
- Monopolizing class discussions

She has just demonstrated the gulf between what she can do and what the school is offering her.

I'd also add standing in line and waiting


Not to mention all the things she's not learning...

I'm so glad she's having a good day. I know my boy has a better day when out of the environment there (FYI -- our kids go to same school, same grade, different rooms). I had to pause when you asked if she respected Mrs W. then I realized it was the teacher and not me.
We've discussed that both children would do better in a different situation -- and finally DH is getting on board with the thoughts. He just wants/needs validation from the professional.
I've got my oar firmly in the water, keep yours in the race and we will succeed. More importantly your DD & my DS will.

silly master-of COURSE there was NO screen time today, except for spelling work on the computer, shoot, you're right! I let her watch some Youtube for the science work, oh no! AND she did have to make an apology card for Mr B.

awww hugs SDMom!!!!

Yes, today's experience showed me how easily she CAN do this work. She could be teaching herself practically. I made her do a journal entry on playing safely and she will also have to do one on being kind. I honestly think she has detached herself somewhat from the environment and the other kids.

And yes, OUR Mrs W, not you, lol! Actually, I think she DOES respect you and that's why, when you have spoken to her, I think it does sink in. It is like part of her just "doesn't get it" sometimes...must be that asynchrony, lol! AND she said that because she feels Mrw W doesn't respect HER and she doesn't TRUST Mrs W.

I fired off a letter to Ms V too, after Butter said she did respect and trust her. I got a response from her that she forwarded it to Prinicipal J, which I suppose she should, but I don't think I want to talk to Principal J about it. I can't imagine what she could possibly say that would make me change my mind at this point. Just give me the classwork up to winter break and we'll see ya later!

Oh, I did take her out to sushi lunch, where the resturant owner helped her perfect her chopstick handling and she tried some roe, then some ahi for the first time. She played on the playground at The Diva's school while I chatted with the teacher, then we went to *gasp* the LIBRARY!!! lol! I did decide they should each choose a nonfiction book as well though. Butter chose "The Wildlife Detectives". It's about how forensic science is being used to preserve species, etc...Yeah, no learning going on over here.

and now...drum roll please...I thought we had hit rock bottom but that was before I got the email from the teacher explaining herself. And where my response for not punishing my child at home as severely as they would like (apparently the teacher expected her to be grounded the whole weekend for a bad day on Friday???) winds up sounding like me JUSTIFYING and explainging myself. I don't owe the teacher an explanation, which, btw, is that there has been way too much focus on negatives and I needed to remind myself that my kids are fun and enjoyable. Plus, her sister doesn't deserve to be punished too and my DH has been out of town more than he's been home. We needed time to feel good about ourselves and our family. I NEEDED my kids to say I was awesome...

I sent the teacher an email specifically asking her to NOT punish Butter by not letting her continue to art, when that was an activity. I think art is just as important, if not more than for my kid. I know my child is also far more engaged in art and would likely act out less if there was more art. And lets not even address that Butter's idea of "art" is far more advanced than what the teacher is providing. Butter has her own sewing machine, draws amazingly (gave up coloring books at 3) and is working on origami. The teacher's idea of art is gluing torn paper leaves on construction paper...

so here is her response
"In regard to your email about not witholding Art...In my class if there is any student who is not completing their work, then unfortunately they are not allowed to participate in Art until their work is complete. It is my class policy, and it is not something that I am willing to compromise, and allow uncompleted work to be taken home and returned"

Questioning Butter reveals that this is not a universal policy either. PE trumps math worksheets, which then would be done after PE, at recess. But if they are still on math and the class moves to guided reading with the teacher, Butter continues math, in effect, missing part of the reading activity.

It gets worse...she doesn't feel like each day is a fresh start, she feels the teacher likes other students more than her (which is just logic, even if it's not actually true. it stands to reason she would not like a problem child more than a well behaved one). I had to promise her, on the spot, that we would start looking for another place right away. I asked her if she wanted to participate in Halloween on Monday and spirit week the rest of the week, but even that can't draw her back. She wants me to get the schoolwork and do it at home while we figure something else out.

So I told her we would and I promised I would never be on a team of adults deciding her future without consulting her again. I might not do what she wants, but I will never again automatically listen to a teacher or other adult without finding out my child's perception.

SUrely 8 years old is old enough to say that you are not happy and ask for a change.

and SDmom reminded me that "art" is a subject requirement

Oh for heaven's sake, walk away from that school and don't look back!

And talk about a lack of appreciation for educational value of art!

And I am so glad to hear you had a great day with your dd! Guess its a good thing that she "manipulated" you into giving her what she wants: a stimulating educational environment!

There comes a time in this journey that you just look your child in the eye and essentially say "I get you, and I get that you need something very different than what you are getting". And somehow it's just enough to give them hope, optimism, and some resilience.

In a year or two, you may look back and laugh. And then you may start hearing the stories about what she was really doing at school for 6 hours a day.