Originally Posted by Just ducky
The same way, I have a very emotional, very "highly talented" (I'm trying to practice that phrase since it is our new term you know) that I can watch his wheels turn and almost see him get frantic in front of my eyes.

Sometimes it may be because the challenge isn't there, but (don't be upset with me here) most of the time he stresses when I throw something out there that is a true challenge and stretches him. I truly believe that he is afraid of not being perfect and making a mistake.

I'm not upset with you Ducky, I think that this is a good observation. My son too would 'show' lots of signs of stress when finally I started Afterschooling him and getting him some information that was at his 'readiness level.' So I had a ringside seat. Also, in early el. I'd get reports of wild 'age-innapropriate' behavior during the 1% of the time they would give him an assignment that he didn't feel he could do. ((Crying or Deer in Headlights or telling the teacher "No, my way is better" all highly innapropriate in a 2nd grader. Usually to a writing prompt, or being asked to edit a writing assignment.))

But I don't think that this is a different stress than the headaches and tummyaches of "I don't want to go to school." I think it's all part of the same "Poor Fit" package. I call it the Goldilocks problem: When a child is so used to everything being easy and boring, challenging work really scares them. Everything becomes "too easy or too hard" and it takes a while to find the "just right" in level and pace.

During the afterschooling, I told myself over and over: Yes, he has lots of feeling right now, but if we weather this storm now, together, he won't be stuck doing this alone away at college. I remembered that all through 3rd and already in 4th grade, his friend has been used to sitting down to 30, and then 45 minutes of homework afterschool, EVERY schoolday. ((I'm not a big fan of homework, but at least it can be a sign that the child is developing some experience with effort+academics)) My son didn't get to gradually 'ramp up' his 'bottom power' but was infrequently being asked to exceed it, and yes, looking very stressed. The big difference is that after the time with me gradually streching himself, he looked proud and pleased. This never occured with the daily 'I'm too sick'stress.

Sylvia Rimm has a wonderful book that was my guide, "Why bright kids get poor grades" about underachievement and perfectionism and rescue. My only complaint is that it's aimed at an ND audience, and so she spends 8/9th of the book pointing to parent behavior and coaching change, only to sneak in at the end that , of course, all these signs and symptoms can also be seen amoung the highly gifted kids who are truly underchallenged in the regular classroom.

I agree that having a peer group is key, but for whatever reason, some kids have a much better chance at finding their peers in classes with older kids. My son was able to find some other brigh bored boys to hang out with and really enjoy in 4th grade. By the end of the year he had partners in the 'no work ethic' club. At your school I can't imgaine it happening, but most other places, a kid who isn't highly adaptable, is going to need friends and academic challenge - neither is dispensible.


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