It sounds, to me, that you have a very gifted girl who is getting nothing positive from her preschool experience. I do see that her behavior would be quite difficult to deal with in a group setting of kids who are on a more "normal" developmental track. And your daughter would certainly benefit from learning more socially appropriate ways to deal with her misfit. BUT, I don't think that they problem is really your daughter. The problem is that she's four and in a bad situation that she can't possibly be expected to adjust to on her own.
My first thought would be that she doesn't need to be in a group learning situation now or in the near future. Since keeping her home for you or your wife to homeschool isn't an option, I like mon's suggestion of finding a nanny or someone (a homeschooled hs student, perhaps, or a recent college grad) who could be at home with her and work and play one-on-one with her for the time being. Another option would be to have an aid to go to school with her and make sure her reactions are more appropriate in the group setting, but the preschool situation may be such a misfit that this wouldn't work either. If you did have someone work with her one-on-one in a more homeschool-like situation, then they could approach group classes (e.g., Kindermusik, gymnastics, dance, science exploration classes) on a more short-term basis.
I really do feel for you. You have an amazing little girl and it can be so hard to see those gifts helping to make it a hard trek, especially so early in the educational journey.
