I have one suggestion for you, that might not be super helpful. Something that helped my son (besides, a Dx, meds and therapy!) was cold, hard cash rewards. hah! A couple of months ago I bought a magnetic dry erase chore chart from Target. We put down things like 'feed the dog', 'laundry', 'clean room', 'read' (school requires 15mins a night), and then good/bad day @ school. If his chart has all the appropriate stars during the week, and no bad days at school, he earns $3. The base allowance we did is $2/week, with a $1 bonus for straight 'greens' at school. -$0.25 per missing chore, and -$0.50 for a tantrum at school. (We wanted to make it where one or two bad days didn't ruin the whole week's allowance.) Since we started this bonus $1 business a few weeks back, DS has been doing fantastic! He's saving up for some LotR legos now!
All that was really to say, you've gotta find your child's 'currency.' In my son's case it was actual currency, but for other kids it might be trips to the aquarium, or zoo, or a new book, or whatever. But I found the chart, up on the fridge, where everyone can see it every day really helped. Your child is clearly intelligent enough to see how her actions have consequences, so try focusing on positive reinforcement and get her to help! Ask her what sort of rewards she'd like to earn.
