Hi, do any of you have a depressed/anxious child? My 8 year old son has always been high strung, but lately he has been suffering. I have been taking him for CBT (which does not seem to be making a difference). He is a very negative thinker...when he's feeling down, it's like being sprayed with a fire hose of negativity.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for him next month for an evaluation. I'd be open to trying an antidepressant for him, but he is really sensitive and I can't imagine him ever taking a pill. I know there is a liquid version, but I'm doubtful that I could get him to take that either.

He is making it through the school day pretty well, but it all comes out at home. He has to sit and write a lot at school, which he really hates. He does have several friends who he enjoys spending time with.

I'd be interested in some kind of mindfulness or yoga group, but there really isn't one in my area. I'm discouraged, just looking for any support or ideas. Thank you.

I have a child with anxiety and we've been doing CBT for a while (we don't do it intensely, but get advice as needed). I also had severe anxiety myself as a child. I'd be happy to tell you more about our experiences in a PM if it's helpful.

Does he like the person doing CBT? It can make a big difference if they find someone who understands them.

I don't have anything to add, but hang in there.

I thought my son (then around 5) would never swallow pills but the psych had us teach him gradually, starting with learning to swallow an uncooked grain of rice.

My DS7 (8 on the 20th) is also rather anxious. One of the recommendations from his IQ assessment session was to have him attend play therapy for school/performance related anxiety that the educational psych had picked up on during the tests.

To me I would send him to a psychologist first to understand what's causing the anxiety/depression, and see if they can help him work through it. I would only see a psychiatrist if they can't work out what's causing his anxiety/depression (my opinion only).

Good advice above. All forms of therapy are rather therapist-dependent. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get the right fit.

My usual sequence would be to have a psychologist evaluate first, in case the anxiety is a symptom of something else--you mention that he is having to write a lot at school, a disfavored activity. If writing is challenging for him on some level (handwriting, idea-generation, organization, connecting with teacher-selected topics, etc.), the CBT will not change the level of challenge presented by the stimulus for his anxiety, which would limit its effectiveness. A psychologist is more likely to investigate those kinds of triggers, and possibly provide you with some educational recommendations, or neuropsych-based strategies.

If the psychologist does not find something specific, then I would pursue a psychiatric consult, but make sure it's someone experienced with children. A really good child/adolescent psychiatrist can be very helpful, not only with meds, but with strategies.

Thanks! We are taking him to the neuropsych who did his initial evaluation for the CBT. I feel like she really understands him and they have a good rapport. But it is not making a difference, so maybe she is not the right fit for the CBT.

When we first took him to the neuropsych when he was 6, we thought he might be on the autism spectrum. She told us that he is not. Now that he is 8, I can see that he is not autistic. Now he seems depressed, when he was 7 he had intermittent anger issues. He's very sensitive to taste, sound and smell, so some sensory issues as well. I feel like I'm always confused as to what is going on with him.

He has great days, and I think, "Oh fantastic, we've turned the corner!", then he goes right back.

The neuropsych had him color in faces labeled with moods like happy, confident, etc. We're supposed to pick one each morning and have that be the theme of the day, to set our mood before a negative one sets in. That's all well and good, but my son is not going along with it. He is stubborn, and he thinks that it is a ridiculous idea.

He says things that absolutely floor me from time to time. Recently when I wouldn't let him do something, he told me, "If you don't let me do it, I'll never visit or call you when I'm grown up." He tells me that he is in the wrong family quite frequently. Also that he feels bad all of the time and I'm not doing anything to help him.

Yes apm221, I'd love to hear more if you have a chance to PM me. thanks

Another approach would be to look at Ross Greene's work:

www.livesinthebalance.org

The Explosive Child (I know he's not so explosive anymore, but this is still a good book about addressing emotional-behavioral issues, and specifically includes some discussion about hypersensitivities). This is a very different philosophical approach from the behaviorally-inspired ABA, CBT, etc. therapies.

Hi - I'm sorry your DS is having trouble. My DD (9) is currently dealing with anxiety.

It's very hard and stressful - we've started sessions with a counselor but so far it doesn't appear to be helping. I did have her do an online anxiety course for kids that seemed like it would be helpful (GoZen). However, although she enjoyed it and seemed to get the message (she spent a therapy session explaining all the strategies to the counselor), she seems unable to apply them a lot of the time.

Not advocating medication, but just relating something that may be helpful - My DD is also extremely taste and texture sensitive. However, my husband managed to teach her to swallow pills by having her swallow very small candies whole - he took her to a frozen yogurt place where they have a variety of sizes - from sprinkles up to larger ones. They started with the smallest and worked their way up. When she can do this it's very helpful because she often refuses liquid medication. Of course sometimes she also refuses pills (due to anxiety) but sometimes it works.

Everything you've said is very familiar, including stubornly refusing a therapist's suggestions.

I hope you find something that works for your son.

That isn't how I see CBT working at all. My daughter talks with her psychologist and me about the specific thoughts that are bothering her and then gets advice on new ways to think about them. It is helpful because she can talk through the issues while also putting them into perspective. It also helps for her to understand how anxiety works. I'll send you a PM.

Yes DS15 has just been diagnosed with both anxiety disorder and depression. We have not decided yet if we are going to go the medication route. It's on the table but not yet decided, but I am taking DS to have his yearly checkup next week, so I can be ready to go to a psychiatrist if we decide it warrants it. I am on the fence about it. Trying to see how the new year goes. In the meantime we have made some lifestyle changes and DS15 is seeing a psychologist who specializes in gifted kids.

My DS had big problems with anxiety in 6th grade and that we treated with therapy with a psychiatrist as well.

Good Luck. I know how hard a decision this can be and I haven't myself really figured out all the pro's and con's.

I have been an anxious/depressed child - is there any way you can find a better school fit?

Thanks again. I usually am not in the room when he is with his psychologist, but last time she had me join them and that's when they did the coloring faces. I'm not sure if other times they do more of actual CBT. It's really hard because CBT is trying to train your brain to think a different way... my son has already decided that it is impossible. We have a book "What to do When You Grumble Too Much", my son is willing to try the strategies when he is really desperate, but usually it's a no go.

Part of it is that he struggles with writing and I think he has just realized that the writing is only going to increase. I have asked the school to have him evaluated for OT.

He told me that the psychologist is the wrong kind of doctor, it's his body that's sick. Heartbreaking, but he has already seen his pediatrician and I am pretty confident that his body is ok.

He may be correct, in some ways, that it is (loosely) his body that is the obstacle--if one of the foci of his depression and anxiety is a fine-motor or other writing disability. No amount of CBT will remediate dysgraphia or the like. After all, the objective of CBT is to gain a sense of healthy perspective on one's thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Not to create a fantasy that there are no real problems of significance. So if there is a real problem of significance that is not being addressed, no kind of psychotherapy (that does not target the real problem) will be effective over the long term.

I'm glad you're pursuing an OT eval.

I also am wondering if you can advocate for a better school fit. I have the experience of having a child who can just make it through the extremely boring, but high pressure for behavior (considering how little there is to learn) school day and then sometimes having explosive or sad reactions when arriving home. Usually this was when a worksheet assigned for homework was just the last straw.

Ask your child what they might change about their school day, or what they are learning etc. When I said that this was the chance for me to try to help get things changed, that brought hope and emotional support and it really did help. I went to the teacher and school counselor and explained everything, and they did make the first of many changes, including subject acceleration and a grade skip.

It may not change your route for counseling, etc, but if you are spending 8 hours in a hopeless (to you) situation, that must make it worse.

I have read that HG people can "figure out" their therapists, and that might be what is happening with your child. Maybe finding someone who knows more about gifted kids, or educating the therapist, might help.