DD10mo starts throwing fits, jumping up and down, crying when we take things (e.g. small toys that are choking hazards) away from her. DS3 did not throw temper tantrums until he was much older.
I was reading that most children don't have temper tantrums until 1.5 yo. Who knows that having temper tantrums is a milestone.
I guess I should be proud of her new "milestone"!
My D (now 17) was already have massive temper tantrums at that age. However... in retrospect, I think it is more likely that it was related to her learning disability (she is 2E with a Non-Verbal Learning Disability, and can be VERY inflexible because of it) than related to her giftedness. Pretty hard to distinguish the reasons at 10 months, of course.
That's about when it started with my dd, too. She was about 10 months and we were looking at the Christmas display at Target. When I started to leave, after we had looked up close at virtually light-up thing there, she did one of those back-arching, crying fits!
Congratulations on the early milestone!
Wow... I had no idea. Both mine threw tantrums (i.e. clearly mad at me for taking something away, etc) as infants. I just assumed it was typical.
I love this forum
My ds threw his first tantrum. (big one) at 8 months! He got it out of his system early though and was pretty easy as a 2 year old. Dd started later but was INTENSE at two.
Our DD was experimenting with tantrums well before her 1st birthday. We'd put her on timeout in response, and my MIL thought we were being cruel to do so to a child at such an early age, who clearly couldn't know any better. Then DD would spend an afternoon with MIL, where she'd learn fussing or tantrums could be productive, so she'd have to come home and experiment again.
By the time the "terrible twos" arrived she'd pretty much finished with that line of experimentation. We could take her anywhere, and she drew tons of positive attention wherever she went.
I was reading that most children don't have temper tantrums until 1.5 yo.
I think that the two things I've learned through parenting three children is that a) the "rules" are over-simplified and there are all kinds of outlier kids out there - high IQ or not high IQ, and b) chances are, if you have more than one child, the second is going to be different in personality than the first
None of my kids hit the tantrum stage at 2, no matter what the books all predict - some were earlier, some were later, some cycled through the tantrum phase more than once, one was a relatively mild case of tantruming, one almost sent me over the cliff, and the third is, um, headed into puberty and apparently going for the gold in experiencing hormonal mood shifts... and she was my "easy" toddler lol!
Enjoy your sweet baby - it sounds like she'll grow up to be a woman who knows how to stand up for what she needs
polarbear
it sounds like she'll grow up to be a woman who knows how to stand up for what she needs
It's funny you mentioned that.
She started to wave both of her hands to show her dislike when she was 6 months. She definitely knows what she wants.
what kind of link do you think exists between giftedness and kids who tantrum early? i'm just curious because my 4 year old started about 3 months old. it was wild. i have always been curious about him, and although he could do puzzles at 12 months, and knew all his letters and sounds by 18 months....at 4, he doesn't present as "typically gifted" like my older son was at this age. but he has some other behaviors that make me think maybe it is time for testing. insight?
DS1 startedat 2 mos. I wouldn't let him drop Dr. Sears on his toes a fouth time, and that was THE END of THE WORLD.
DS2 started around 6 mos, but is only really getting into it now, at almost 9
DS1 still tantrums mmm, well, mostly continuously. The second he spends time with someone who lets him get away with stuff we endup with a week of damage controle. But he's starting to have monements when he really seems to understand why it's a bad approach. He just finds it really hard to break the pattern once he starts. Oy.
Just venting. I don't have anything useful to say. Sorry.
what kind of link do you think exists between giftedness and kids who tantrum early?
There are a number of comments on this site about how gifted individuals are observed to come into this world with a lot more awareness of the world around them, whereas normal infants seem to be oblivious by comparison. Since they are observing and participating early, it only makes sense they'd develop their own likes/dislikes early, and begin communicating those in the limited ways they have available... including kicking and fussing.
i have always been curious about him, and although he could do puzzles at 12 months, and knew all his letters and sounds by 18 months....at 4, he doesn't present as "typically gifted" like my older son was at this age. but he has some other behaviors that make me think maybe it is time for testing. insight?
If in doubt, test, especially if he was hitting milestones like that early.
ok, im new so not sure if this was the right palce but this is all I could find. I have a four year old that has HUGE temper tantrums all the time. It could be over a simple "no," wanting something and we tell her no, the biggest is when we are at daycare and she melts down over not getting her way, not allowing other friends help me, or when I ask someone to be the leader, or the class helper...again another melt down. Im her teacher in her room and it she melts down all the time but when there is a different teacher in there she is as good as gold. Yes, i know shes probably testing me or being that Im her mom she can get away with it. Well, she wrong! We have tried talking to her, taking this away, time out. Nothing is working. Please Help!
Hello northdakotagal! I sympathize with you, my son (3 yrs old) has been having tantrums/meltdowns since he was a baby, mostly due to an extremely strong will on top of sensory issues. We're at a stage where my son does not want to share my attention with anyone, so I can't even imagine trying to teach him and others. Do you have the option perhaps to switch her to another teacher? Or maybe you could make a social story for her that helps to define your different roles "When Mommy is at home, I..../When Mommy is the teacher, I..."
What is she like at home?
NDgal: My suggestion would be to ask yourself, honestly, if there are times where you occasionally give in to your DD's tantrums in order to pacify her. This teaches a child that tantrums can be an effective tool. The next time they try it, and it doesn't work... confusion. "Hmmm... maybe I need to try harder?"
It's easy as a parent to reward negative behavior and not even notice you're doing it. Conversely, it's quite taxing to stop and think, "What is my child learning from this?" with every interaction.
The thing that suggests to me that this is a conscious strategy on her part, and not a result of some embedded personality trait/psychological issue, is that she does not exhibit this negative behavior when you're not around. My DW and I have seen this in children who spend time with us. Just one example, my niece did not run away from us in parking lots at 4yo, because we refused to chase her, so we were no fun. If her mom was with us, different story.
If this is the case, then the solution is that a tantrum must never, ever, ever result in the desired outcome, even if that outcome was something you were already predisposed to give her before the tantrum started. In fact, those situations can be the most instructive. "Well, I was going to give you that, but that was before you started throwing a fit..."
My ds hated being a baby is how we've always described it. He was irritable and frustrated not being able to do things (that were skills he didn't have yet). This mostly resolves around 1. Ds is 5 now and does have occasional crying/ yelling episodes, but I think it's related to tiredness, hunger, and thus decreased self- control. He has intense feelings which I think contributes as well. Good luck and stay consistent.
This post reminded me of an incident that hapened when my dd was between 4 and 7 months old. My dad asked her to stop playing and sleep. My dd stopped what she was doing and glared at my dad. My sis and I joked about how my dd was mad at my dad. Dad says," no, babies don't get angry." to prove it, he tried to pick my dd up. Dd turned her head away and refused to be held( went limp). It took my dad 10 minutes of "I am sorry" before my dd would look at him and smile. It was hilarious even though my dad felt real bad about upsetting his dear granddaughter.
Even now at 3, she shows her anger not by throwing a tantrum but by giving the offender a stare and leaving the room with," that's it. You have upset me. I am really mad now. I don't want to be in your neighborhood." lol
Thankx for the resopnce, however I don't think its so much a tension issue then it is a control thing on her part. When she doesn't get what she wants no matter what it is she melts down, same at home. We can't even open the door before her without her melting down.
I tried a sticker sheet today for a " reward" and it went better but still melted down cause she wanted to pass out papers and I did it first. I let her do the rest of her friends and she threw the papers at me so I just finished it and that made her more bad. I did talk to after her melt down and told her that its ok to get mad but its not ok to act this way. She says " ok" to me everytime but still melts down when its not her way. Same way at home.
DUDE: now sence you pointed out to me. There has been I guess a few times when she has started to throw a fit I gave in, but I think again that was more of a " pick your battle" thing. I haven't gave in when she has her full blowen melt downs. I don't believe she is doing it cause she thinks she WILL get her way. There has been times were she gets a spanken for it. So, this leads me to say that if she was doing it for tension and to get her way why would she do this if ahe knows she is going to get spanked? Of course I can't do thia when we are at daycare and boy always does she get spanked but she does get time outs, things taken away, and when she's done we do talk to her. I do go over to her when she is melyind down and talk to her and it usually leads into a hug while I'm talking to her but I guess, in my eyes that's not giving in.
I'm sorry I'm new and don't understand the framers "DS" "DD" and"dw" what does all mean? I'm sure it has to do with are children but what's the meaning behind it?
Oops, gramer I ment sorry!
DS = dear son
DD = dear daughter
DW = dear wife
Ok, thank you Elizabeth!!!
Lovemydd: I soooo wish my dd would show her anger like your dd. Mine feels she needs to melt down all the time when she doesn't get her way. So hard to deal with her melt downs!!!
Be careful what you wish for, northdakotagal. If my dd continues this when she is a teenager, I will lose it. Lol!
lovemydd-I much rather have my dd say that's it I'm mad and give me a stare rather then a full blowen melt down and be disruptive.
NDgal: This is a good example of the kind of pacification I mentioned before.
I tried a sticker sheet today for a " reward" and it went better but still melted down cause she wanted to pass out papers and I did it first. I let her do the rest of her friends and she threw the papers at me so I just finished it and that made her more bad. I did talk to after her melt down and told her that its ok to get mad but its not ok to act this way. She says " ok" to me everytime but still melts down when its not her way. Same way at home.
I'm not suggesting you spank your daughter in front of the class. I'm just suggesting that whenever she behaves this way, it never results in her getting what she wanted.
Dude: sorry, missed typed it should have said that ( I passed out to one of her friends and she wanted to do it. I told her that she could do the rest but instead she chose to melt down so I did the rest) I didn't give in after she chose to melt down. I don't know what to do with her anymore. She's dirupting my class, I have to redirect her and then the class from her being diruptive. I put her in time out when she does this. I do talk to her and also the class to help remind her to use her words instead of melting down over little things.
If u chose my battles with her she would get her way all the time. One time I would let her do something and then the next I would tell her no and she would get confused cause in her mind she would think " y was it ok before and now its not." I'm just at a stand still with her.