My DS8 has enormous powers of concentration when he is interested in something and erratic ability to concentrate otherwise. The resulting issues range from getting ready for school/bed in a timely manner (though he can do that with no problem when he sets his mind to it), completing school tasks, coming promptly when called, and so on. He tends to get distracted by whatever he's thinking about.

He does not seem to have ADD and is perfectly capable of concentrating on the task at hand when he is motivated enough (he has no trouble being on his own for violin practice, for example--motivated by video game time)--but we can't cook up motivations for the many things that need to happen in his every day life. We need to help him both see the BENEFIT/VALUE of pulling himself out of his interesting thoughts and increase his ABILITY to do so.

I am trying to figure out things to do over the summer that might strengthen his skills on this front so he is in better shape when he goes back to school. Would rather incorporate it into our normal life than give him extra tasks.

Anyone else have a kid who's so interested in the inside of his or her head that it's hard to RELIABLY do the mundane things of every day life and school? (On the school front, I realize that bumping up the stimulation level might help--but there will still be things he has to do that do not compete favorably with whatever he's thinking about.)

Isn't what you describe pretty much everyone unless you're a person who simply enjoys mundane things because they're "safe"? I realize that statement doesn't help you at all, however, I guess I'm just saying that what you describe isn't unusual, the cure is to find a tangent on the task that makes it interesting. A two page writing assignment in and of itself isn't interesting, however, if your child has a passion for Dragons and can write about them then suddenly it might not only keep his focus but he may be delighted with it. Passion learning is the highest form of learning, work with him to interject whenever possible his passions into what would otherwise seem to be mundane tasks.

we've got this right now with DD5 - and the biggest success we've had is making it clear that acknowledging people when they speak/make requests is the polite thing to do. it's made a big difference with her - i honestly don't think she had any idea how rude she seemed - she was just totally preoccupied!

it's still a bit of a trick for her to do the boring stuff with good grace, but that'll come in time i think. for now, it's enough to see her rejoin the outside world in a timely manner and comply with the daily stuff that just has to be endured (chores/getting ready.) i bet eventually she'll clue in that she's in charge of how much of a trauma all of that actually needs to be!

Just wanted to note - People with ADD don't have problems focusing on things they enjoy either. They can get incredibly hyper-focused and do something for hours with no idea of how much time passed.

Our experience suggests to me that Old Dad is correct. Tuning out is to some degree a kind of normal thing under those conditions.

To train for higher levels of engagement over a longer period of time, I give oral "pop-quizzes" to my DD about things going on around her, or about the tasks which she is engaged in.

Ask for observations that are either detail-oriented (to demonstrate that s/he hasn't been paying attention, or conversely, to demonstrate to me that she has been, sometimes). Ask for synthesis or analysis-- that can often elevate the mundane to a more interesting cognitive level.

"Why do you think most people come to the DMV? Do you think that it varies by time of year? By time of day? Why?"

"What do you think about when you are mowing the lawn? What do you notice?"

"Have you noticed what happens when you add detergent to a dish with oil/grease in it? What do you think causes that?"

Don't necessarily count on it! DS has gotten worse in some ways with doing "the boring stuff," especially if that boring stuff was also pointless stuff (like much too easy homework). For him (and my husband!) it's not just a matter of buckling down and doing the work; I think it is actually difficult for them to do it.

not to stray too far OT, but i only meant about stuff like self-care/getting ready fast enough to not inconvenience others - which i do expect DD to do with good grace. that's a human-thing, regardless of intelligence.

but i'm SO with you on the repetitive homework/schoolwork - it's not just hard for her to "buckle down", it's completely counterproductive and leads to blending/mentally coasting/horrible depression. and i'll be joining you in the homeschooling in the fall for this precise reason!

OldDad, I agree that most people encounter this issue. It's a matter of degree--and I would say my son has a much harder time than most people (even most--or at least many--extremely bright people) on this front. And I think you are right on target about what would help, although some things don't hold a lot of potential for reframing/tweaking to pursue a passion.

Doubtful--glad you are seeing a change in your daughter. FWIW, it has gotten somewhat better for my son over time, presumably from increased maturity, but it is simultaneously becoming a larger and larger issue in school.

epoh--Thanks--and yes, I know. Am working on the hypothesis that ADD is not the explanation (though he certainly shares some attributes with those who have ADD) based on various testing results.

Howler--I love your idea, but how does your daughter respond when you give her pop quizzes? I can totally see my son saying, "that is not what I am thinking about right now." And then I'm in the position of explaining to him why it matters to be thinking about that right now. Which is part of the point of my question.

KnittingMama--Yes, same here. I think it is very difficult for DS to control his brain. He can buckle down, but it seems a LOT harder for him to do than for his peers. Undoubtedly, the inside of his head is especially fascinating, but he also seems very weak on this particular skill and I would like to help him strengthen it!

No doubt sometimes you have to take a different angle on it such as, "I understand that sentence structure isn't of great interest to you, however, in order to write down what you feel so passionate about and be understood by who's reading it, sentence structure is important, so how about we work through the sentence structure with focus so we can get to what you really like as quickly as possible?"

I think it's important for kids to understand that there are necessary evils to almost everything. The car ride to Dairy Queen isn't particularly enjoyable, however, the end result is. Sometimes it helps to focus on the end result and what is between here and there is the cost of getting that end result.

Right-- and so sometimes conversation about these things turns into a meta-cognition discussion.


"I understand that you don't want to think about _____, or to do this. I respect that this is your opinion. What would be the consequences of not doing it? Do you think that there are things that I prefer not to think about or to do? ( ) What would happen if I didn't do them, or didn't pay enough attention to them while I was doing those things?"

Hey, let's face it... long-distance freeway driving is booooooooorrrrrring. But at 75 mph, being inattentive is not an option.

I also make it a point to note those relatively rare instances in which an ADULT inconveniences my DD by being scatterbrained, late, or just self-centered about something. Being civilized ultimately means doing things to suit not just ourselves, but to not overly inconvenience those around us, too.

So if I have to hunt for my car keys or my cell phone, and make DD late? Yeah-- I own it, and it's a teachable moment. There's a reason why I use spatial scaffolding in my life.

... especially when multi-tasking.

Thanks about the "necessary evils"-related points, dullness of highway driving, etc...all good points and ones that you have inspired me to re-make in numerous ways!

However, I am not sure how powerful "this is the way it is" is for this particular child. Certainly he needs to know that--and he does respond to such information. But those kinds of arguments fade inside him (I'm guessing) when he is in the moment.

I am still really interested in any practical things people have done with their kids to help strengthen these skills!

Yup yup yup, x 1,000. Fyi mine (8 also) has a diagnosis of ADHD Combined type, which the psychologist characterized as severe. Btw, he also has remarkable powers of concentration... if he's interested, or if the work/task is challenging enough to engage him. Otherwise... he's a space cadet. lol.

Both my kids (DD has no diagnosis) have significant concentration problems when they are not challenged. Yesterday DD10 was complaining about how hard it is to concentrate because the work is too easy. sigh. DS8, meanwhile, needs interest, challenge or task-specific motivation or he won't even try.

Fyi, I haven't medicated DS8 yet... not sure if I will. There's such a fine behavioural line between gifted vs ADHD vs visual-spatial that it can be hard to differentiate. He seems to have quite a healthy temperament: he's happy, resilient, confident and non-aggressive and I don't want to tamper with that. He can be very intense, but not as "darkly" so as DD can be (she's my drama queen ) Anyway... I digress. lol

I LOVE this idea Omgosh... writing it down. I'm going to do this with my DS. Thanks

Yes!! Exactly. So... I'll say to my son, "ah, but if you had been paying attention, you could have answered. So, hmmm. Maybe next time if you have the right answer for me, I'll give you ten extra Wii minutes."

Bingo. We have focus.

How does that help (if I'm having to motivate him to do it)? Neuroplasticity (why doesn't spell check like that word? sigh) ...as in, the more often he is motivated to pay attention to his surroundings, the more he'll do it, and the more he does it, the more synapses/pathways/whatever are established for that cognitive activity. I'm just a layperson, so to the neurologists out there: please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...

I am still really interested in any practical things people have done with their kids to help strengthen these skills!

Daily responsibilities which are tied to some externally imposed scaffold.

1. Remind-remind-remind about those responsibilities until they become habit.

2. Praise the habit once established. No praise for inattentive/incomplete work, however-- this often needs to be a slow transition. Emphasize natural consequences in corrections, wherever possible. ("Oh, look-- the dog is OUT OF WATER. I wonder who forgot to refill the bowl this morning...")

3. Praise-- particularly-- attention to detail in those habits (so for example, noticing that sweeping wasn't enough since the floor was so dirty it needed mopping).

4. Praise diligence and adherence to routine even when NOT reminded, and especially when something more appealing/engaging could have been selected as an alternative. "I'm really proud of you for your choice to clean the hamster cage this morning instead of texting with your friends."

5. Emphasize the qualities that your child values (not the ones that you value)-- "You are becoming so much more mature. I can tell because _________ (agreed-upon task completion) is happening each day without reminders from anyone!"

Substitute whatever aspect of this skill set is most desirable to your child in particular there-- helpful, conscientious, diligent, responsible, grown-up, self-reliant, etc.

6. Praise your child for NOTICING when scut-work needs doing. This is attention to detail that requires specific reinforcement for some children. I still praise DD14 for cleaning up her own bathroom or bedroom, or initiating other household tasks without prompting.

Now that DD is older, I will sometimes make her "guess" which chores need to be completed before she can go off with her friends, go to a regular social thing, etc. I'll have a mental list of things that I think are (or should be) fairly obvious, and quite often are things that she should-- IF she has been paying attention-- have heard her dad or me refer to in the previous few days. Plus the standard things, of course.

So for example, maybe this Sunday's list is going to look like:

brush out Shetland Sheepdog
Give the dog a bath
Novice obedience work with Sheltie
mow the lawn
practice the piano
put away clean clothes

This requires that she be able to use more subtle environmental cues to remind her of information that she has heard as verbal instructions.

She might do everything on that list but work with the dog-- and then ask me "Am I done?" To which I will say, nope-- what did we talk about on Wed evening?

If she still doesn't remember, I'll give another hint or two.

Looking back on my life growing up, I think that my primary chore a kid was basically to graduate valedictorian and get a full college scholarship.

I had to mow the grass and I had a paper route, both of which generated cash (allowance and employment income).

I destroyed the mower once in high school because nobody explained to me that you had to check the oil.

Other than that, I was pretty much task-free.