Hi there everyone. This is the first time I�ve posted here.

A bit of background�My wife and I have been aware for a while that our 3 year 10 month old daughter was advanced for her age, she talks and plays like a 5 or 6 year old and naturally gravitates towards older children. We�ve just had her tested on the SB5 with a FSIQ result of 136 which falls in the moderately gifted range (99th percentile). We did this as we�re having a terrible time trying to find a school for her and we wanted a bit more �evidence� so that the principals would take our requests more seriously. We live in a bit of a regional area so there is limited choice available.

Anyway, I�m finding as we think about schools and especially having the testing done, that I�m having waves of grief come over me...nothing to do with my daughter, but for my own childhood. As I began reading the gifted literature, I realized that I had been a gifted child myself�all the pointers and potential problems described my experiences very closely. But I was left to mentally �rot� in sub-standard schools, spent most of the time bored out of my mind, and had a tricky transition starting university as I had never had to apply myself before to achieve and didn�t really know how.

I�m simultaneously excited that DD will have opportunities to extend herself and meet other kids like her so she wont feel isolated, scared that she will have to suffer the social ostracism associated with being intellectually gifted (especially in Australia which culturally has an issue that sort of thing), and sad about my own experiences as a child and the isolation that resulted from being different.

Have any other people had similar experiences or feelings relating to their children being gifted?

Welcome, glad you found the forum. It has been a valuable source of comfort and insight to me.

I know exactly what you mean. I don't think I am nearly as gifted as my DS8, but do see a lot of parallels to my own school experience. I went to a school that did not have a gifted program and did not even really understand what gifted meant - I had no idea that it meant anything more than just a bit smarter than most other kids. If I had known more about it, I probably would have been quicker to identify my son's giftedness. Whether that would have made a difference is another question.

Welcome, Slackenerny!

I found myself in the same state of mind as you are in as I started to really understand my DS's giftedness. My ability to just skate through K-12 truly did me a disservice that I believe affected my career decision. (I always wanted to be a pediatrician growing up. But when I took chemistry my first year of college I got a "C". It was the first "C" of my life. So I figured science wasn't my "thing" and I switched to psychology. I wonder now how my life path might have been different had I learned how to study challenging material before I went to college.

I was always the polite girl with a smile on her face wanting to not cause any problems... With my son, I don't fear that happening with him! He is quite adept at causing disruptions in school when he is bored. LOL. But since he is just in 1st grade, I still have many fears about how to keep him challenged.

Yes, I had a similar experience. I practically wore out my highlighter on the Davidson's book, Genius Denied. It was very comforting to read it and relate and feel understood! I called my old school district and they sent me copies of my test scores from decades ago. I feel like I've been on a journey of self-discovery.

And like you, I am glad to be gaining this understanding now, in time to really seek out the best opportunities for my kids.

Welcome to the forum. (:

I know exactly what you mean! I read Dr Ruf's book and connected with so many things she said. All this time I had no idea I was gifted. I was a straight A student, but I spent all of my classroom time looking out of the window. The teachers nicknamed me "dolly daydream" (because I spent a lot of time just thinking) and they were completely baffled by my being able to answer every question and still get A's when it looked like I wasn't paying attention. I had no friends in school, I was always by myself. I taught myself to read at 4 and the teacher didn't know what to do with me, so she would send me to the school library to read every day, while the other kids learned their ABC's.

Until I read Dr Ruf's book, I honestly had no idea I was gifted as a child, my teachers just made me feel like I was a nuisance who didn't fit.

My kids are way more gifted than I was, I'm so glad they wont have to go through the same things I did.

I'm not gifted but it brings back some childhood memories too. I remember in elementary school and asking my mom to switch school. School had just introduced an open classroom concept. There were 4 classes in one big room. This was very loud and I did not like it. I wish I would have valued my education more and learned to study better. College was really difficult for me. Today, I regret missing some educational benefits.

Luckily, my children value their education at 6 and 9. Now, I just need to get the school to meet their needs which are so beyond the standard of school. ughh

Yes, I've had a similar experience feeling I've finally figured out a lot of stuff that never made sense before; even more so my Dh, and this is despite both of us having been id'd as gifted pretty early on, and being sent to 'challenging' high schools (lol!).
I think it is much easier now to understand our children, their sensitivities, quirks, etc., and deal with them in a positive way, as a function of having a different way of experiencing things than most folks. In contrast, the standard outlook seems to be that they are misbehaving, being obstinate, too emotional, etc., etc., "on purpose" - certainly some gifted kids/nd kids do some things of that nature, but it shouldn't be the default assumption!

And of course, being gt explains a lot of what we feel/think even as adults! Welcome, this place is a good find.

I've learned more about myself in the two years since I started doing research for my son than I had learned about myself in the previous two decades. I find it fascinating that it took becoming a parent for me to understand so much of myself.

This journey has also given me a new appreciation of psychology. I never took a single psych course in college, so I was floored to find article after article on gifted psychology that described me to a T. There are some pieces that I even hesitated to share with my husband, because they reveal too much! It's disturbing to discover how predictably I've behaved all these years, when all the time I thought I was acting on my own free will.

Lol!

I think a lot of us have been there/are there. I have just tried to concentrate on DS. I can't go back and help that little girl that was me but, I can help my DS and maybe grand-kids one day. I also know it is not too late for me. I continue to learn everyday. 8)

I agree. It is my major motivation for fighting for my children in the schools. If I wasn't able to recognize the ways my talents were wasted as a young child, then I wouldnt be so intent on making sure the same doesnt happen to them... I'd probably even believe the stuff they say about "Gifted kids can succeed in any program and don't need modifications."

Agree. Feel like the first part of my life was completely wasted. I did nothing, it seems. Bored out of my mind. My younger sibling was recognized as being on the bright side, but me, not so much. Just intense and difficult. (sigh) Unrecognized and misunderstood. The "me" was denied.

Our kids have much more opportunities these days. At least we can understand them so much more.

Ditto on what everyone else said! Both ds's father and I had similar experiences in school. His father (now deceased) was in a different league (profoundly gifted) in terms of giftedness than me, but we could relate. Neither of us were challenged in school; he daydreamed all day and got in trouble for it, but he still made straight A's in school. When he got to high school, he quit worrying about doing homework because it was pointless and subsequently got B,C grades. I didn't day dram. I talked my head off all day long and was in trouble for that! I made straight A's k-12, did all my work, but didn't have to work at it at all. Once we got to college, my late dh excelled because he was finally challenged and seeked the most challenging courses he could find. He was actually working on his PhD when he died. I, on the other hand, got to college and didn't know how to study or apply myself. I struggled for a bit making mediocre grades but eventually learned to work my way back up to setting higher standards and achieving them. I still feel I've never lived up to my potential though. I pray that I am able to prevent this from happening with my son. It's a struggle as he's more like me than his dad!

Thanks to everyone who repsonded to this thread. I really appreciate hearing other people relating to this feeling.

We've having some progress on the school front...one school nearby is appearing very willing and flexible to work with us on DD needs.

Of course, it's the most expensive school anywhere near us, but it's a start.

Hi Slackenerny,

I'm in NSW. We're at the other end of the the education journey but I'd be happy to share any information with you.

Glad you have some options for your DD. It seems like its a long journey and one that we have just begun to embark on ourselves. I'm glad you found your way to these boards, I hope you will stick around.