Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school uh-oh "stuck"

DS started to use the word "stuck" as in "mama I got my head stuck in this bag AGAIN" about a week ago.

When I was younger I used to rock and shriek and call out "I'm stuck I'm stuck" over and over and it was a real problem about frustration and emotional stuckness, not physical stuckness.

Yesterday, DS used "stuck" in that manner, describing his frustration that he couldn't will the ball in a ball run to go a certain way at a selection point.

He didn't shriek, but he did cry and shout, and we ended up sending the ball a lot of times, and then going for lunch. The whole situation would have been incredibly embarrasing if I had thought about it at the time, because it must have looked a lot like an hour long tantrum (at the time, I think I was too familliar with the way he felt to think anything but "oh,no,Ihave to get him through this," but I suspect that reaction might wear off if this ever gets common)

It's only happened once, but given my history, and given his pretty spectacular tantrums of the 2-18 month variety, I'm worried, and I want to have a plan ready before it happens again,and for if it starts becomming regular.

Looking for BTDT type advice...

Thanks. I'm a bit shy of posting this when it's not a problem yet, but you guys tend to be really really helpful.

-Mich

I don't know if this will work in all situations, but when dd is flipping out when (for example) she can't get a math problem right that she thinks she should be able to do, I try to hug her, or hold her hand or at least touch some part of her body and then repeat the mantra "everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay". Over and over; she fought it a little at first but now it works, and the more I have used it over the years, the faster it works. I think it has a subtle way of reminding her that she has "been there" before (facing what seems to be an insurmountable challenge/problem) and then coming back to it 15 minutes later and getting it. Actually, since we have talked a lot about that once the outburst was over and resolved ("remember that other time you thought you'd never be able to xyz, and then it came easy?") I think we've linked the mantra to the "success".

IDK, works for us.

That sounds very familiar. We mostly ignore DD when she gets like this and let her work through it herself. This happens a lot with puzzles and she'll ask me to do it for her (when I know full well she can do it herself) so we just tell her to keep trying and she'll figure it out and then praise her hard work afterwards.

Actually, even yesterday this happened. She found a big bucket and wanted to do all these crazy things with it so we just let her at it. There were some tears shed along the way because the bucket wasn't behaving but eventually she got through it.

Basically, we try and figure out if she's upset because a.) she's hurt b.) she wants attention or c.) she's frustrated because she can't figure out something. For a.) and b.) we help her out but for c.) we let her work through it but might give some words of encouragement.

ETA: I just saw herenow's post and agree. Physical touch can help too. We'll also rub DD's back sometimes too or give her a kiss but without helping with the actual problem at hand.

I know for me the problem at hand was... not really the problem... in a lot of ways. Often there was no problem at hand. 3 or 4 in the morning were particulary common times. Mostly, it was when I was thinking about something, and I guess just had more drive than intellegence. I'm less worried about working through a frustrating activity, and more worried about working through the extreme reaction. This was a problem into my teens, and in many ways still is, so yeah. Arg.

I think the bits about pushing through frustration are important, and that would have helped me in the long run. Which is actually the most important thing anyway. I guess, though, I'm mostly concerned right now about the immediate handling of a second "stuck" incident.

DS is much more like me than I'm comfortable with. I've had some serious issues, and this one is a bit terrifying.

I think it would have been impossible to leave the ball run any quicker than we did. He would have hurt himself. I'm not strong enough to hold him by myself.

Ag, I really don't know. Maybe it'll never happen again and the choice of words was pure co-incidence.

-Mich.

Duke tip recommends "the optimistic child" for cultivating resilience.
http://www.dukegiftedletter.com/articles/vol4no4_ee.html