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    Joined: Jan 2012
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    I had entirely the opposite experience, my gifted child is the one who seems to be walking around in a daze. I'm the one who wishes I had the active early achievers who are paying attention and exploring and living in the world around them, instead of the one in her head. She may be able to ace any math and reading class, but she can't even do a somersault, nor does she care to.

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    The point is there's ways to say things. Oy. My own way has improved. That's not censorship, it's acquiring a vocabulary for things that we're really just starting to talk about. Grinnity has said we're inventing a vocabulary here because these things have not been talked about like every thing else in the world has. Some things don't have their own words yet.


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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    Seriously??

    It's a "nasty remark" and mocking or degrading to state a non-judgmental fact that, "All the other babies had these glazed looks." Glazed, defined as "marked by a lack of expression", is a perfect adjective to describe a child that is not alert. Early alertness is a defining trait of gifted children.

    There is nothing demeaning in this statement; it's simply a fact. There are no judgements here, just a retelling of my personal experience. I clearly stated in a later post that, "This doesn't make them better, just different."

    To assume that I was being "nasty" just proves my point.

    Some people want to be offended, and will twist any words said to achieve that effect.

    Why assume that others are "looking down on other children for the way that they were born." Why assume anything? Why be so judgmental with such meager knowledge? Why focus that critical eye on others, instead of using it wisely on yourself?

    You don't have the ability to accurately judge someone else's feelings/intents/thoughts. You do, however, have the ability to assess yourself and your own feelings. When you feel offended, it means something very relevant and true about yourself. Figure out what that is.

    I realize some of the posts on this thread could be seen as insensitive, but I try to hear the message behind the post. I try to give strangers the benefit of the doubt. I really don't see the point in being judgmental or trying to restrict someone's voice (even if it is unpleasant or not what we want to hear).

    Be kind, right?
    Don't we agree on that?












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    Here is an example:

    I assume, knowing there is a good chance I may be wrong, that lucounu was being sarcastic in her post where she states that non-gifted children are "sub-human". I assume this because it paints her in a better light than if her post was serious. It is aways a kindess to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

    Even with this assumption, I find her post mocking to the posters before her, but that is less harsh of a judgement than to believe that she believes non-gifted children are sub-human. Either way, her post is not kind, but I choose to believe she is less offensive because that is a kindness I show her.

    Since I know I am "assuming", I know that I could be wrong with any of the statements above. I'm not in her head and I don't know her intentions or feelings. If I find it unkind, I'll make a note of that, but no lasting impression of her, because I may be wrong in my judgements.

    I don't choose to be offended.
    It's always a choice.

    I like what lucounu said in an earlier thread, " it's best all around if we try to be tactful. In my experience there are a great many times when a thoughtful person could easily avoid offense that seems to be routinely given."

    Being tactful is a good thing (and this is likely Val's point as well), but remembering that a "thoughtful person" might not be intentionally giving offense is equally important.










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    Welcome to the Congregation of Frustration!  The devil is in the details and God is in the nuance.  BTW, I am not religious.  I'm just illustrating how we tend to use the words at our disposal to communicate about the things we've see when haven't really talked about them much.  There's probably a more precise way than syfy creatures to describe, but we lack the words.    I've got nothing against zombies.  My own toddler girl is either a vampire or a werewolf.  At first she didn't show up in a sonagram, so they said she was a blighted egg, a miscarriage.  Then when she did turn out to be there we figured out she's a vampire or something, so she didn't show up on film.  Then I've got several photographs that are not blurry that her eyes come out completely white, like a cave fish.  It's happened on a couple cameras and different folks taking pictures.  She has beautiful blue/brown hazel eyes.  

    Oh wait!  They look like zombies because they drool & eat.  So what are your kids?  Orcs, because they hunt?  ((oh, don't slip off into silliness...I could so go there.  I've been trying to learn to use my Grown Up words.)) Arggh!  

    Actually, metaphorically is not a bad way to talk about these things.  I just read at TWTM that's why they have their kids study classic literature- to have words and metaphors to join "the great conversation". (of which other peoples kids is a part, I'm sure. No snark.  Literally).   All the sci-fi and fantasy metaphors for political observations and observations about people in general.  That's why the classics are classic, because the writers were gifted and they had something to say about people, but they had to make a story to say it because some things don't come across well in a sentence or two.


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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    Originally Posted by La Texican
    Then I've got several photographs that are not blurry that her eyes come out completely white, like a cave fish.  It's happened on a couple cameras and different folks taking pictures.

    This is just a weird thing with both irises being white instead of blue/brown/hazel, not the typical "red eye" effect on flash photographs being white instead of red, right? Because the latter can be a symptom of something nasty (http://www.daisyfund.org/rb/leuko/index.html).

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    I assumed it was because her eyes change colors her pigment must be different.  I've seen the dark grey/blue on film & the brown shows up, but not the light grey blue.  I pm'd you.


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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    I agree it can offend some people and come off as judgmental, but I was just stating an observation.

    Is it kind and politically correct to make that observation? Maybe not. But other babies do often look sleepy to us and that is just the way it is. I was honestly wondering if anyone else noticed that or if it is just a function of knowing your own child.

    On the bragging thread, I pretty much said people can think whatever they want and that I'm going to try to be sensitive but I won't completely moderate what I say to please others.

    Maybe I need to work on social skills or empathy or something, but I'm pretty happy with life right now and I accept who I am. I was a kid that got called "weird" or whatever because of traits I was probably born with. Kids couldn't put a finger on why they didn't like me (they said that)... they just didn't and thought I "thought too much" and did everything "too much."

    Other parents are FREE to make the observation that the members of my family are "weird". Because, guess what? We may be weird to them. We inhale books like air and play "Guess the Latin word meaning" while driving somewhere. It might hurt my feelings a little, but they don't "get" us and it doesn't matter if they do. I probably don't get some of the things they do.

    It hurt my feelings when I was younger, but it would have helped a great deal if my parents would have told me why the other kids didn't always "get" me.

    One kid looking sleepier than another is apparently an observable phenomenon.

    Saying- That child looks sleepier than mine is one thing. Saything "What an obviously dumb child." is another and I haven't heard anyone saying that.

    What would be a judgment... is if, for example, I observed a toddler eating Mcdonald's and then negatively judged another parent for allowing that. I shouldn't judge, but I've done so much research that watching a toddler eat Mcdonald's would make me cringe. I'd rather start a thread and talk about whether it is right or not to judge in such a situation and if it is not right, how to keep ourselves from mentally judging (or doing so out loud.)

    I think every person on the planet has judged other people before for making what they consider to be poor decisions.

    Making honest observations (not in a purposely mean-spirited way) about how a person acts or is or talking about how other people make you feel (yes, even about the parents of gifted children when they inadvertently make you feel like your child doesn't measure up) is not necessarily a bad thing, imo.

    Last edited by islandofapples; 02/18/12 12:33 PM.
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    This thread is fun!

    I wish I had time to play wordball today.

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    I thought lucounu was being literal.  That's why I lol'd because it's funny because it's true.  I laughed out loud and my face turned red.

    I just googled, "non-gifted kids are sluggish".  No scholarly results came up to cite.  But a search for "gifted babies are more alert" produced tons of websites.  Isn't that the same thing?  

    I do know what you're saying.  I've seen some kids who have not spent as much time being engaging.  You can tell because of how they respond when they catch your attention or an adult engages them in front of you.  But I would say most other people's kids look like mine.  Actually I don't really see sluggish kids because my kids always engage other kids so they always perk up.   (I know kids like mine would aggravate the 91ss out of my mom, who prided herself on well-behaved kids ignoring other peoples kids in the store.  Jajaja.  If you're in line in front of me my kids are gonna peek-a-boo & giggle with your kids.)

    I just thought it was interesting that tons of websites say "gifted babies are more alert" but none of them say "non-gifted babies are sluggish".  Omg!  Now if anyone googles those words they'll end up at this thread.  Me and my big mouthed fingers.


    Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar
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