What do you wish your school knew about giftedness, or HG/EG/PG kids? How would it improve your life if your school really, really, really understood (and...wow...could accommodate) this?

For example -- I wish my child's school understood that my child needs to learn something new every day.

I wish they knw that NOT giving them what they need actually HURTS them

That its normal for gifted kids to be 'way ahead' in some ways and 'age appropriate' in others - don't expect their social skills to be as advanced as their vocabulary might suggest.

It also drives me nuts that school expect elementary aged children to be 'too dumb' to get abstract concepts EXCEPT when it comes to social behavior. 'Keep your hands to your self' seems like an abstract concept to me - but so many teachers totally expect all kids to know exactly what they mean, or to be able to tell by watching the other kids.
Grinity

That some kids learn with context, not rote memorization.

I wish my son's first grade teacher knew that he can read!! He's reading at a second-early third grade level. Half the kids can't read. Sigh...

All of the above, plus that slow maths computation doesn't mean can't compute, nor does it mean conceptual skills can't be grades ahead of computation.

That sensitivity doesn't equate to emotional immaturity.

That my daughter will only show you what she thinks you want to see.

That she needs people to believe in her abilities because otherwise she doubts herself.

That an apparent lack of social confidence can disappear when you get the chance to talk to someone who has a clue about what you're talking about.

That dd stands back and lets others go first because she thinks it's the right thing to do, not because she's not interested - she'd still like to have a turn! (and is devastated when she misses out)

That I know my kid really well... So to please trust me.

No doubt many more...

Love these!

physical age doesn't equal mental age and just because 'you' think he should be doing x level (all kids this age do this) doesn't mean he is not capable or ready for a lot more.

All of the above!

Also, that just because my son asks why he should do something it doesn't mean he's being defiant or rude but that he truly needs to understand the value of what you're asking him to do.

all of the above!

... that the teachers learn about asynchronous development.

This!

And the thought that the longer they hold them back, the better their behavior will be...yeah...ok...it so doesn't work that way.

Recently saw this and thought this thread might be a good place to mention it:

http://www.byrdseed.com/10-facts-about-social-emotional-needs-of-the-gifted/

We wish to be understood and that our children are understood. Because with understanding, then we can help ourselves and help our children. How can I teacher help our children if they don't understand or even have a basic understanding of the differences. (sigh)

Great topic! Here are a few more:

Just because an early elem. kid can only write at age-level, that should not keep him from doing math 2 or 3 grade levels ahead.

Kids who know 80-90% of the curriculum before a unit starts should not have to sit through that unit. Please accelerate this kid (unit/subject/whole grade, as applicable). Even if there are gaps, when my kid encounters such gaps in later units, a quick teaching of this will cover it.

Just because my kid sits quietly through class all day long and appears to be happy is not necessarily indicative of a kid who is appropriately challenged by the material being taught. (Says the mother of a child who told her that he loves easy things he already knows, because that leaves more time for his preferred activity of daydreaming.)

Yes, Yes! All of the above, but for us also
That it HURTS my son when you tell him not to talk about "fill in the blank" --usually a science subject for him, or to remember his audience and keep it brief when it's taken him a lot of courage to speak up in the first place. Like last year when they finally started to talk about a subject that he truly enjoyed... the teacher told the class about the three states of matter, and he raised his hand to point out that there are four and wanted to talk more about plasma because we'd just seen something on PBS talking about the plasma engine they're working on. She told him he was wrong, and that they weren't talking about that now. He didn't raise his hand again for months after that.

YES! This is exactly my concern for my child. My daughter will only show them what she thinks they want to see. I want her to be challenged, but more than that, I want them to expect her to be curious because then she will show them how curious she is.

That my DD8 must have an evil twin that goes to school in her place, because I don't know who this kid is that is on her way to being labeled "troublemaker" instead of "amazing, gifted, intuitive, deep, serious, intelligent, creative" person.

Just because she hangs back or pulls away from a large group doesn't mean she is anxious or depressed (btw-it's also been commented that she's easily overstimulated, so maybe she's pulling away to calm herself, DUH!)

just because she doesn't look you in the eye when she's knows you're displeased doesn't mean there's "something wrong" with her or that she has Asperger's or anything else...or maybe she does, but she's also the top cookie seller in our GS troop because she is GOOD at that and feels confident

that maybe what you see as inattention is actually you not engaging and connecting with her

that she wrote an amazing poem this summer and a small booklet in early 2nd grade. she just doesn't want to write about what YOU want her to write about, because its not interesting

that she comes ALIVE at summer camp, when she can just be herself and I have never seen her happier...I wish we could live at camp!

this is SO what I wish our teacher/school would get.
and all of the others too!

A few more:
1. That when my son asks interesting questions, you should really answer him. Now. Not fob him off with a sweet smile and a "let's talk about it later/you'll learn that later"
2. That when I mention he is doing second grade maths at home, and would like him to follow on with this at school, I really do mean he needs to do more than filling in missing numbers in a sequence or counting out loud to 30. (ie please take me seriously when I suggest the type of work he would like to do)

and most of all - that I really do not care that he can do grade level work on par with everyone else (that he mastered 2 years ago already)... I'd much rather see a report that shows me what HE can achieve according to HIS potential.

Sorry, not sure if I have one of my own to offer just yet (there are so many great ones here), I'll have to mull it over for a while.

BUT, I just wanted to say what a great thread. Nice to know we're not alone (nor is my son), and this thread helps with all of the things we had been feeling, but couldn't put a finger on about our son. We're in the process of mtg. w/school officials to discuss potential grade skip or subject acceleration. This thread will really help me to articulate his needs (and why).

I think you just described my daughter. Seriously. Wow.


Hmmmm.....

I would add that:

if you give one child accelerated instruction one year, and leave another child to languish in their regular class, then when you test both kids the next year one will look more "able" or "in need" then the other. Duh.

That being "opinionated" is not a bad behavioral trait. Gifted kids that are "opinionated" are really just PASSIONATE about something!

Lots of things here where I just nodded and said, "mmm-hmmm," but there's one missing:

That my daughter has a finely-honed sense of right and wrong, and when you punish the entire class for the misbehavior of a subset of the class which does not include her, you've betrayed her.

You've just exactly described my 5-1/2-year-old daughter! It is uncanny!

It also makes me glad my child isn't the only one that is like this.

THANK YOU!

That just because my 6yo kindergartener who is in 2nd grade math expresses frustration over being forced to do addition in different ways when he already knows a way to do it that works just fine for him doesn't mean he needs to be put back into 1st grade math.

Putting him into a class that is learning single digit addition and subtraction when he has mastered multiple digit addition and subtraction with carrying doesn't make sense. If you ask him what he wants he will tell you that not only does he not want to do first grade math, he wants to get to 3rd grade math so he can practice multiplication and division.

We have to go to great lengths to find situations where he has to work outside of his comfort zone. He is not used to anything being 'difficult' and is afraid of failing. Give him confidence and help him through. Don't tell him that as soon as he sees a new concept that it must be too hard and he should quit!

The system is designed to make the other students jealous and contemptuous of the gifted, who should be treated the way gifted athletes are from childhood on. So the class should be divided into teams of equal average IQ and quizzed many times a day. The team that gets the highest score will get Friday off, the one with the lowest will have to come in on Saturday. This will make the talented student as popular as the athlete who hits the game-winning home run.

High-scoring students from four grades older will get paid to teach the Saturday class. Having money will also make the talented popular.

The present system is designed by those who profit from High IQs having low personal self-esteem and an escapist intellectual self-esteem, which will prevent them from demanding the material rewards they deserve.

(bump)
With several recent threads discussing merit and meritocracy, I found and bumped this old thread which I thought may be of interest.

I wish that the teacher realized that every student deserved to learn and that my child did not think of school as only a place to "practice."
I wish that you realized how sensitive my child is and that just because she seems fine at school does not mean that she does not cry her eyes out when she gets in the car about a perceived injustice.
***
That is all.

That gifted doesn't mean the kid will answer all the questions, be the first one to be done with the work or readily show they are truly advanced to the teachers. My child likes to hide her abilities. You won't know she is gifted if you keep giving her grade level work because she checks out and appears slower/dumber (sorry couldn't think of a good word)than her peers. When she says day after day that recess is her favorite part of school, that just means that she finds the academic portions of the day really boring.
I personally don't even care if the school doesn't teach her much. I just don't want them to try to fit her in a box and kill her creativity and her love for learning and exploration.

Yes it's okay to cut your precious homework assignments in half like my HG/2e DS' accommodations suggest. Yes, that means every teacher, not just "some other teacher and not me." If you could witness one of the nightly homework torture sessions you inflict on DS, you would immediately agree 1) the marginal learning is not worth the lengthy struggle and 2) you are stealing his childhood in an unpardonable way. Actually, you could probably cut everyone's homework in half and lose no real learning. It's not as beneficial as you think.

That my ds is NOT "ok". Ds also hates doing simple addition and subtraction that we all know he can do.

Ds has no friends. Just because you're friendly, doesn't mean you have friends.

He has a vision problem, please accommodate!

I would like to ask if they really believe they are providing the best education for my son. I mean it's one thing to tell me, but how can they really believe it??

That DS does far more real learning over summer break, winter break, and spring break than he does all year in school. He also produces far more work because he is given no limits.

DS tells me he doesn't understand why he can't stay home and learn instead of going to school and being bored. Basically, he's already disconnected learning from school. And he's 7.

That we endure weekly (sometimes nightly) sadness/meltdowns over the fact that other kids call him weird.

I wish that my DD's school could truly wrap their heads around the idea that noooooooooo, "leaving the GT kids alone" isn't the same thing (at all) as providing them with "appropriate" education.

My DD is PG. Yes, thank you-- but wait, I have something important to add and which school staffers seem to be thinking is incompatible with this statement...

She is NOT an "autodidact" who learns best in a vacuum with occasional mediocre or incomplete 'resources' tossed her direction.

She needs TEACHING. Not "benign" neglect.

She also needs to be allowed to work at a level that feels truly meaningful to her. So quit asking my daughter for plot summaries in AP literature, quit asking for "timelines" in history class, quit asking for ten of the same simple math problem on homework.

Ask her to solve THORNY problems, to write about interpretation below the surface text of a novel, ask her to tell you about racial biases and foreign policy...

Grr. If you do, I guarantee you that she will knock your sock off.

Provide a floor-- and a stepladder, if you please. And then-- get rid of the ceiling.

Yes. This. My son just asked to order a Neil Degrasse Tyson book on black holes this morning. When asked to set his own AR goal for this term, he picked a FAR higher goal for himself than I would have chosen. (Gotta love his teacher for thinking of that). When given no ceiling, he astounds me EVERY SINGLE DAY. When given a worksheet? He does the worksheet. Sigh.

Diamondblue - we've on our 3rd reading of Death By Black Hole with DS. It is his favorite although I have to say the vocabulary in it is quite challenging and there are times where I really wonder what he is getting out of it (he's 7.5). The George's Secret Key to the Universe series (Lucy & Stephen Hawking) and The Cosmic Menagerie have been the only thing that can compete (can you sense a theme.....). The George series is fantastic for younger kids, the Cosmic one has spectacular pictures (sort of a coffee table book but with a PhD providing content) and has shorter write ups about everything in the universe.

Chat and Diamondblue, I have a 6.5 year old who is really into understanding the universe. Those book recommendations are a great help! I don't want to sidetrack the discussion, but thanks for posting those. We are always looking for options for him.

chay and apm221, I sent you a private message.

Yes! The sense of justice in gifted children is very intense at times.

I would want them to know it's OK to contact me if they are struggling to accommodate in the classroom. I am a partner in my child's education and expect to be kept in the loop. I'd rather get a call to brainstorm about ideas than notes home about excessive talking in class (probably because he's bored.)

This topic should be a book! I could see these responses as chapters, actually.

I actually wish the school and the teachers to know that all my kids need at school is free time. They have a lot of things that they can learn through independent study. We are not even asking the school to provide any additional instruction. If they can once in a while exempt my kids from the repetitive and extremely boring work sheets and requirements, that would be the best we can hope for.

My DD9 is generally happy at school because she is much more willing to go with the flow than her brother. She has lots of friends and doesn't mind reading simple books and doing all those math sheets even though she is a few grade levels above. But the other day she looked really worried and asked me what she would do when the school's musical instrument program starts in a couple of years. The program starts from scratch and assumes that students have no exposure to instruments, whereas DD has been playing in very competitive orchestras with high schoolers and middle schoolers since 2rd grade. I'm planning to talk to the school and see whether they will allow DD to be exempted----but I highly doubt.

Ah, free time! I wish my son's teacher (who's one of the better ones we've had), knew that yesterday DS8 said he wished he could just sit with a an extraordinarily THICK BOOK all day and read.

I wish my son's teacher understood how much my son detests AR tests. AND... that since he's more than met his yearly goal of 100 (he's pushing 400 points now, lady!), he should not have to continue testing.

I wish the school understood that racing to/from the gifted pullout each day chops DS' lunch time down to 15 minutes, and that he's tired of finishing his food in class.

I wish my son's teacher was not walking around the room during standardized testing this week engaging in "encouraging" talk while the kids are testing!

I wish she had not told him yesterday (during said test) that she "hopes the principal can put his name on the wall next to students who've gotten perfect scores on FCAT." No pressure! I have worked so hard to keep DS focused on tasks so he minimizes careless mistakes. He's come a looong way... Please, please do not talk to my kid while he's concentrating.

I wish the school could understand that my son's lack of confidence is at least half their fault and limiting access to extension classes to those who were confident enough to nominate themselves is unfair. My child has just turned 7 and should not be put in the position of deciding his own education when he is not confident. And the less challenge he has the more risk averse he becomes.

I wish that the school could truly understand that they have actually taught my child almost nothing. In nine years.

And that this problem is SO striking that even she remarks upon it-- when she learns something new, she is EXCITED.

And-- surprised.

Sadly, our DD is beginning to articulate similar thoughts. AoPS has really shown her what learning feels like she tells us.

The only stuff my DD has really learned at school this year has been English grammar. The 'social studies' stuff she had already read about on her own, ditto for 'science'.

I wish the school had an inkling, at least, of just how dizzyingly swift my DD can be to make connections between a new concept and what she already knows.