My son is currently enrolled in Kindergarten at the local public school but I suspect is not being challenged enough academically. In February, my spouse and I decided to pursue both a grade/subject acceleration in his current school for next year and, in parallel, apply to a close-by private school for the gifted. The public school is very reluctant to accelerate him, and after having met with the gifted coordinator, we have a meeting scheduled for next week to discuss our options for next year with the principal, the school psychologist, and his current teacher.

He was accepted by the private school last week. Unfortunately, our decision to enroll him there had to be made before this meeting we had previously scheduled with the public school officials (it was the earliest they could meet). After racking our brains over the decision, we decided to enroll him in the private school.

I'm really excited about the private school, because it seems like it is going to be an incredible environment and a great fit for my son (he's really excited about it, too). But there is a part of me that feels like a quitter... that I gave up too soon with the public school because he wasn't really suffering "enough" yet (school there hasn't been awesome, but it certainly hasn't been disastrous and my son at least enjoys the social aspects of being with his age peers). Then again, I suspect that there would have been years of uphill advocacy battles with the public school and that his happiness level would decrease dramatically next year. Also, as part of the private school's admission process, he had to take the WISC-IV, after which we were very surprised to learn that he scored in the HG+ range. Doing online research about the widespread inability of public schools to meet the needs of HG students hasn't given me any more confidence in his current school.

Anyways, I'm now trying to figure out the best way to cancel this meeting with the public school officials. I'm concerned that they will think that we simply gave up on what the public school had to offer without really giving them a chance. Do any of you have suggestions for how I can phrase this to them, especially considering I was the one who asked for this meeting in the first place? They do know that we were pursuing admission to the private school, and they do have his WISC-IV results.

Sending your child to another school doesn't stop you pushing for better public schooling if you think you can help others.

I confess I'm not really sure why you care what they think or feel you need their approval. They already signaled they aren't interested in meeting your son's needs.

Your obligation is to your child. Not to the school - even though your tax money funds it, they have been slow to respond. I agree with southlake.


I don't understand why a child must "suffer" in order to be moved to a better situation. We have not bothered with the public school route (DS misses the cutoff by a day, and we can not imagine having to hold him back just because of some arbitary age limit) and i don't feel guilty about it... I don't have the time or energy as a FT working mother to fight every year if there is a school that meets his needs and that is completely in line with our view on education for kids like ours.

Since they know they were competing with another school, just politely cancel saying "we have decided to enroll our child in another program, and we appreciate all your efforts thus far." (Just like what you would say if you leave a company for another company... They don't need anything more and you are not obliged to provide any more details).

No, just call them and tell them your decision and thank them for their time and efforts. This kind of thing happens and I am sure they will understand.

Yes. Leave nicely, burn no bridges, thank them.

ITA.

polarbear

We went the same route and got 2 years acceleration in math and LA starting 1st grade. By the end of 3rd grade he was maxed out for that school. They tried to accommodate in 4th but it all went south very quick. They were willing to make adjustment and let him start middle school the next year but I was left not trusting them. We ended up going to a private school for gifted starting 5th. It was without a doubt the best decision.

I agree with a thank you but we made other arrangements.

Yes, leave nicely realizing your paths may cross again. Above all, do not explain yourself. You may wish to gently side-step any conversations the school may wish to open about what they could do to encourage you to stay. Thanking them can be a great approach.

That said, also be aware that the school (or a particular teacher, or some parents) may feel spurned or scorned by your leaving and may set out to unilaterally "burn bridges", retaliate, undermine, ostracize, marginalize, or otherwise seek revenge, making your family's journey a bit more difficult than it may have otherwise been.

When I took my son out of his IU program because he was being bullied terribly there, the IU retaliated and reported his regular preschool for possible child abuse and the regular school had to ask my son to leave for liability reasons.

I never said a single negative thing about my sons situation to the IU, just that I was not comfortable sending him to a program he was terrified to attend and where he was coming home with bruises and bite marks daily, not to mention the language he was picking up. I never threatened them or made a fuss about him being hurt. I never made an issue of them not ever writing a single incident report. I just quietly requested that they remove my son from the program. They did not take it well.

Never underestimate the general nastiness of the people associated with public schools. Some of them seem to take everything as a personal insult and they seem to really believe that their programs are the absolute best. The best interests of a child don't seem to factor in at all. We are currently homeschooling thanks to the IU, ironically precisely the thing they did not want me doing from the beginning.

So my experience says tread carefully. Just being polite isn't always enough. I suggest telling them that your child made the choice and that, while you disagree, you respect him and will honor his decision. At least that way they can't put it all on you and feel that you have insulted their service or personnel.

As others have suggested I would leave nicely. You don't really even have to tell them you are leaving. If you just cancel the meeting, and then in a 'reverse George Costanza', just don't show up next year.

Thanks, everyone for the responses! I talked with the gifted coordinator today, and it went fine. She said that she is familiar with this private school and knows that his needs will be served there.

SouthLake: I'm not really sure I care about the public school's approval; I think, rather, that this is something I am still coming to grips with in my own head. I know that we've made the right decision, as that is what our gut is saying... yet my head hasn't really caught up. It's like I'm out of sync with myself. These last few months have been an emotional roller coaster for us as we've been learning about him, looking back on our own childhoods, and trying to make sense of the what the best thing to do really is. I think at this point, I would probably second guess any decision.

I suspect my head will catch up to all of this in the fall when he starts the 2015-16 school year. It seems like a long time to wait, but now that the decision has been made, I need to think about something else for awhile.

George, you are doing the right thing for your son. Don't feel guilty about it. I'm glad things went smoothly with the transition thus far. It sounds like you are on the right tack.