Next Tuesday we have a meeting with DD9's principal, AIG specialist, and many others including our psychologist who is pushing for a grade skip to 5th grade. We have the scores, the achievement; we have the backing of the psych; we have a Duke professor arguing for the skip as well. BUT, DD's big sister is in 5th which is one of those big obstacles to grade acceleration. Our counter-argument is that DD9 and DD10 are ALREADY in 5th grade together because of SSA in math (they are in the same math class) plus they are together in AIG math and a foreign language class. If we grade skipped DD9 she would actually be separated from DD10.
I have pulled together research from Davidson and NAGC. Is there any research that can bolter our argument that skipping DD9 can work despite the sibling issue?

"Our counter-argument is that DD9 and DD10 are ALREADY in 5th grade together because of SSA in math (they are in the same math class) plus they are together in AIG math and a foreign language class. If we grade skipped DD9 she would actually be separated from DD10"

Oops! Forgot to say they would be separated because they would end up with different teachers and on a different schedule.

I can't help you on the research, but you can point out that quite often twins are in the same grade as each other.

The IAS manual is a great tool, but this is where I think Belin-Blank went off course. You can be a perfect candidate for acceleration, but if you have a sibling the same age, or one year older - you are excluded.

--S.F.

Found this interesting info on the motivation of the IAS as it relates to skipping a child into an older child's grade: http://www.springville.k12.ia.us/vnews/display.v/ART/51856c345f5ef


Your counterargument is sound: the family dynamic is not altered, therefore, this concern is not valid.


To offer some contrary anecdata, I have a brother two years older whose physical and emotional maturity level was always quite close to my own (he was delayed due to infant medical issues). I never saw him as an older brother, but as an equal (and sometimes as an inferior) peer. If my mother had practiced ageism between us, I would have punished them both.

It is possible the IAS has changed on this issue. DD13 had her first grade skip when the 2nd edition was the most current, and sibling receiving grade was listed as a disqualifying factor then. For her second whole grade acceleration, I did not as thoroughly read the 3rd edition (especially on this issue as DD18 was 4 grade levels ahead of DD13 at that time).

Even though they ended up 3 grade levels apart, there were still sibling rivalry issues. DD18 did not appreciate DD13 being a freshman in HS during DD18's senior year. Depending on the attitudes of the kids, I think you may always end-up with sibling issues.

--S.F.

I am just curious what the school sees as an issue re siblings being in the same grade? I don't have any research to share, but fwiw when I'm advocating (for whatever) I find that one of the most effective tools is simply to think through all the reasons the school would say "you can't do x" and then think through logical answers to why it will be a-ok to do "x" and why "x" is the best choice etc, then have those arguments penned down so they can be automatically, and non-emotionally, tossed back at the school staff when they raise the issue.

FWIW, I actually would be cautious of doing the skip (please don't think I'm anti-skip - I'm not!)… but in this situation, I'm one parent who would think twice about it, so maybe some of the things I'm thinking are similar to what your school is thinking (?)… anyway, if they are, if I put them out there, you'll have a chance to think through them

What I notice in what you've posted here is that you're focusing on your dd's academics, which can clearly benefit from a grade skip. You're also thinking about skipping her at an age where being put into the same grade as her older sibling might not be a hugely big deal (for either your daughters or yourself). But as a mom, I'd look down the road to high school - by skipping into the same grade, you're going to have two daughters starting to date at the same time (perhaps), two daughters learning to drive at the same time (most likely), two daughters graduating high school at the same time, and two daughters going to college for the first year at the same time. All of that might not seem like much now, and for some families it might not seem like a big deal ever. Granted, if you were raising twins that would be what it is. BUT you aren't raising twins, and as a mom of slightly older kids, I am starting to really see that end-of-high-school thing on the horizon, and I've seen a lot of my friends go experience that senior year of high school as a bit of a special time in their lives as well as their children's lives. So I'm kinda glad (just for me) that I'm *not* going to have more than one child going through it at once. I'm also glad I haven't skipped any of my kids because selfishly I want them home as long as I can. I didn't necessarily feel that way when they were younger, but the older they get and the closer they get to their college years, the more I realize I want to stretch out their childhood at home just a wee bit longer.

So that's just me, and I'm likely in the minority here But I wanted to point it out because you might have people that are on your school staff who are looking at things the same way… so it's something to think through.

polarbear

I've tried quite a few ideas on looking for research to support IAS's assertion of sibling relevance to the decision. But I had no luck.

Having had an older lower-achieving sibling and a school with no concept of gifted led to everyone involved having significantly lower expectations (and execution) of my performance than would ideally have been the case.

Underachieving is an easy fruit to grasp and hard one to let go of.

Here is another post on this issue, which quotes the IAS3 on this facet.

Note that IAS3 acknowledges awareness of positive anecdotes regarding skipping a child into the grade of an older sibling.

IAS3 also discusses skipping a child into the grade of an older sibling as an issue of "family dynamics". Family dynamics are within the family's control and parents may seek assistance, possibly from the psychologist, for support with managing family dynamics, including any issues of sibling rivalry.

Here is a quote from Hoagies Gifted Education Page:

I wonder about all these issues as well! I am not even ready for DD10 to go to middle school - never mind DD9!! I have been looking for small charter schools which have staff willing to keep a watchful eye on DD9. Honestly, if we had a school that would single subject DD in both LA AND math that would be great. But our district makes a family choose what subject they want for SSA. One can't have the child do both. Isn't that crazy? Then, what about the other subjects? DD already knows the experiments done in science because DD10 did them last year. And the fact that DD does not do well socially with other 9 year olds. Ugh. This is so stressful. Do I add that DD's teacher is not the best (as posted elsewhere!)?
I did have an interesting conversation with the psychologist today. She is all for a grade skip, and is also going to ask the school for an IEP vs a 504 to address both the giftedness and the ADHD (inattentive). The school stated that because DD is not getting poor grades she would get a 504. The psych. insists that because DD is so advanced plus has a LD that she needs a gifted IEP. How will this all play out is anyone's guess. Our state rarely offers gifted IEP's.

Question - how do schools handle the other subjects if a child is SSA for both math and language arts? Does the teacher give differentiated work there as well? Then it seems that the child might as well go to the next grade anyway. I would like to hear how people found ways not to grade skip yet kept their child engaged and challenged (and happy!).

The idea of children leaving the nest at 18 is like, sooooo 1960s, man.

Two years ago DD9 was having anxiety about leaving home, which was probably made more acute by the fact that we were openly discussing a grade skip, which would push her out a year early. We assured her she's welcome as long as she likes. We discussed how it's common for kids to live at home while attending university, and we'd probably prefer it due to costs. We discussed how adults have transitioned to the working world and still lived at home until they were comfortable with leaving, and how it benefits all parties. DD then decided that she could still move into a house on our street after that, as there were some available.

Thus assured, she's currently planning on how to shave another year off of high school.

Our kids also thought they would be very happy living at home and going to our local university for the first part of college… when they were 9. Now that my EG ds is actually in high school - no way. He's had the experience of both going to summer programs at universities outside of our area and he's seen and heard enough at this point to realize that the programs offered at our local uni don't match up in terms of intellectual challenge or intellectual fun to what he'll have the opportunity to experience elsewhere (provided he gets scholarship $ to send hiim elsewhere lol!). Anyway, everyone's mileage will vary based on local opportunities… but fwiw, the kids who are craving more *now* in lower school are going to be the kids who quite likely might not to want to opt for the local uni when they are done with high school.

greenlotus, I really do understand and feel for what you're up against. We were lucky in that we were able to find a private school that provided an overall curriculum that was ahead by one grade level (and more in some instances) and met ds' needs - not perfectly, not an ideal solution, but it was "better enough" for our ds. He will also tell you he's never wanted to grade-skip, and is very happy with having subject-accelerated only. In subjects where he wasn't subject accelerated he either found challenge or was bored, but he is a kid who accepted that staying in his grade (and possibly even with a skip) he wasn't going to find intellectually challenging work across the board, and he also is a kid who likes having some classes that are easy (possibly because he's 2e and has to work extra-hard in some areas). The reality is the only academic settings where I've seen him truly satisfied and totally happy are in his 2-year accelerated subjects and in the summer programs he's attended at universities.

OTOH, to be honest, I'd also have to say that there hasn't been an ideal solution for my "not-so-gifted" dd in school either. And in spite of being "not-so-gifted" (per IQ etc tests), she's my kid who found an uber-motivation in early middle school and is absolutely soaring and begging for more subject acceleration and handling it very well.

polarbear

FWIW, getting to middle school a year earlier has been one of the best things about a grade acceleration for my DD, who was 10 for the entirety of her 6th grade year. The larger student body, increased freedom, larger number of teachers, ability to chose electives, ability grouping, and increased executive function requirements that came with middle school made her a much happier 6th grader than she was a 5th grader.

Seventh has been better than 6th, so far.

FWIW, I have twins in separate grades. It was recommended back in elementary school (even though they used the IAS), but we didn't do it until the boys were in middle school because we worried about their relationship (among other issues).

My 2E boy with dyslexia is now doing exceptionally well in the grade he's "supposed" to be in. His twin brother has been frustrated for years at being with age peers, and we home schooled last year then skipped him this year (he's making all As!) It's still not a perfect academic fit for him, but he's much more engaged in school this year.

Neither boy has an issue with the skip, and they're very supportive of each other's success. In fact, my 2E boy seems pretty proud of his brother for being brave enough to skip. They key for us is that they are in different schools. My skipper went to an entirely different school in a different district where there are many skippers. So the boys are free to make friends who don't realize they're twins.

We would not (and didn't) make this choice when they were younger, and when my 2E boy was struggling with dyslexia. It would have been a huge blow to his psyche if his brother had jumped ahead then. But now, he's very confident in his abilities and is nearly a straight-A student (B only in writing) and doesn't feel threatened by his outlier brother because he has his own areas where he's exceptional.

If I were making the choice for siblings who were not twins, the issues I would weigh would be their relationship and the level of frustration for the potential skipper. If both kids are truly fine with the skip, I don't see why the school should have an opinion about it.

Actually, I think that the sibling issue is closely tied to the social issue as well as family dynamics issue, at least from the school's perspective. Polarbear's approach of arguing from the school's perspective is sound. I have twins who have been in the same classrooms except for math from second grade and most of their classes now in middle school. One child's social functioning impacts the other child's much more when they are in the same grade. You may want to address the potential for resentment and embarrassment if your younger child is socially awkward and reassure the school that your older child won't be forced to take care of her or share her friends. Remember that they are as concerned with the consequences for your older DD as for your younger DD. The other issue that I have noticed is that early elementary (K - 3rd), end of middle school (8th) and high school are often smoother acceleration points. Sometime around late 4th grade through 6th grade the social waters appear particularly treacherous to successfully navigate. That seem to be a common viewpoint among the educators with whom I have discussed these issues. It helps if you address concerns from their perspectives. Finally, in my opinion and perhaps the school's as well, the social effects of subject acceleration is very different from grade-skipping so maybe keep that in mind with your arguments. HTH