I have a six year old who I suspect is profoundly gifted. He is in first grade and although the teacher is really nice he hasn't learned a thing. I have tried to get her to challenge him but other than having him tested for a once a week gifted program which takes months to test into she has done nothing. I feel like the school is failing my child. I think it really hit me when a few weeks ago he came home from school saying that he didn't like it because the teacher keeps repeating things he already knows. He likes his teacher and he has friends but he has still been labeled the smart kid. I keep thinking to myself that I have a kid who could truly find the cure for cancer or become president of the United States (although I don't know how intelligent anyone would be to want that job)...and no one cares. When I talk to the school I feel like I'm being snobby. I get looks like "whatever." They have acknowledged his intellegence but don't care about making sure he learns. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. I watched the TV show Intervention a couple months ago and saw a man on there who had a 180 IQ but had become a druggie and male prostitute because he was so tormented and unchallenged at school. That terrified me and I think I cried for an hour after that show. I guess I just needed to vent...

I can't answer the question but I feel sad about it sometimes too. Welcome and maybe someone else can help you.

So sorry you are feeling that way, I have my spurts as well. My DS4 isn't in the regular school system yet but it won't be long and I am very nervous about it. I suspect my DS is HG+, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was PG as well. l wish that everyone understood him, I wish that everyone cared as much about his future as I do. But the reality is that not everyone does. That makes me sad. And watching him not understand people's reactions to who he is and his confusion about why he is different from others makes my heart ache as well. But there are a lot of people that do understand. And hopefully you will be able to stick with it and advocate for your DS and help them to better understand. Your DS is only 6 and it sounds like he has a very supportive parent that acknowledges his differences and wants the best for him. Being PG is not at all a life sentence (although I did feel like it was for a while there). There are many positives and opportunities. I know it is frustrating when they are squashed by others. I don't have great words of advice, but I do know how you feel and welcome you. I hope you join in and get some support and words of wisdom from others who have been going through all this for a while.

Hi, welcome, sounds like you are doing ok getting the testing done & signing on here. Things do take time - but it sounds like your child is dealing with things well - obviously he needs more, but for now not in crisis mode. Way to pick up on things early!
My suggestion would be to direct yourself towards some literature, movies, etc. highlighting what a delight it can be to be around gifted kids and adults - not to keep your head in the sand, but at least provide balance.
Just reading this forum can be a great start - please direct yourself to the brag thread, for instance:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/34481/1

ahh the brag thread, I haven't checked that out in a while. May need to check it out this weekend. ; )

Ouch!

Double Ouch!

This sort of fear does keep many of us up at night. Or the tamer version of DS living in the Basement with Stubble on his cheek.

When you think of alternatives, what ideas do you come up with?
Which tests did they use to screen for the gifted program? Group or Individual test? Can you get the name of the test?
Is getting private testing done an option?
Is Homeschooling an option?
Is subject and full grade acceleration a 'heard of' thing at your school?
Does you state have any gifted laws in place?
When your son comes home from school, is he exhasuted or ready for more? On his own time,does he engage himeslf in 'brain-food' activities or does he need to be led?
Is he reading? If so, what are his favorite books?
Does he do 'play-dates' afterschool?

We love venting, but maybe we can turn this vent into a brainstorming session?

((Hugs))
Grinity

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I think it's hard to have a kid that's "different" whether in a good way or not. I cried when we skipped DS because it felt like we were losing a year with him. I grew up with a kid that was brillant & unchallenged & he's a very creepy adult now. So lots of fears.

I like the above suggestions. Does your school have resource teachers outside of the classroom? Can you expand on things at school to make them more fun for him? DS studied dinosaurs with his class. Then he has an extra project to pick 10 to research & write down basic facts about each. He is really excited & gives him something to look forward to and will share when finished.

If his school won't work with him, do you have any other options to switch him?

I'm sorry you feel so sad too. I have those same mixed feelings about my little ones. When I got over the GT denial thing with my little ones, there was something I relized right off the bat. That is that you as the parent have to make sure your child gets the education he/she needs and deserves not the school (I know some will disagree). but I really beleive a parent has to be proactive in their childs education.
Now that you have that weight on your shoulders and trust me we all do, it sounds like you are already taking steps like testing to do this. You may find that you may have to change his schooling, I don't know what options you have , but maybe consider a private school that fits his needs, or a gifted school, or if you are able home school. Or a combo of those. I think what I'm trying to say is there are options it's just finding what works and what will challenge him. Good Luck , and yes that was a pep talk...

I definitely went through stages of grief when I realized the extent of my children's giftedness. It meant saying goodbye to the traditional paradigms and milestones, and charting a whole new course on our own. It was scary and a little sad, as my expectations suddenly fell by the wayside.

Give yourself time, and don't be afraid to acknowledge that you have mixed feelings about it.

I went through something similar. I spent some time mourning the loss of having a kid who loves school, of being able to put him on the bus and not worry, etc 8-(


many, many, hugs....

I still feel sad when we drive past the grade school that disappointed me so badly for my son's sake. I suspect I always will. (And since it's at the end of our street, I drive past it quite a lot!) You do mourn the education that never materialized. Dreams die hard.

As a side note, I wonder how it will be when DS4 starts K there in the fall. That may be really strange. Obviously DS7 will be with me sometimes at the school. I'm nervous to see how that goes...

I'm nodding along like a bobble head doll. But that's why I stuck my head back in here. I feel like school is robbing us of actual time we could learn something. I feel like they would do better just doing their own thing out of school - not remotely claiming I could homeschool I can't - but left to their own devices they could at least be reading. Doesn't anyone in her school think that if she has time to puzzle out division problems on the side of her "make a pattern" worksheet that we could skip the worksheet. I'd hoped 2nd grade would have more meat to mold... but I am just starting to realize what I thought were average learners are bright kids in the public school setting - and I had no idea where bottom was... not a slam... but there is nobody in her class to buddy with her. With 31 kids in the room, who has time to really make her day exciting. I'm in a whinny mood myself, sorry.

No pressure, but why do you think you couldn't homeschool? There are reasons you might not want to. That I buy completely. But I'm not sure that I buy that there is ANY parent of (relatively) sound mind who truly "couldn't" homeschool.

If you raised 'em, you HAVE taught 'em. If you homeschooled, you'd just be teaching them slightly more academic subjects.

Don't make it harder than it is...

HG/PG 5dd would adjust ok to home schooling if I was game. But the PG 7dd would not. She's too social and whenever I've helped at school I always make sure I'm not with her group we just but heads.. and then there is the 2 year old. The reality is I don't have the inclination or personality for it. I've often said the only way I manage to be a stay at home mom is that we don't stay at home. I can't handle 48 hours in this house without leaving to go adventuring. Plus, I'd have to relearn math too :-) Like I could have more children. But I really don't want to... Like everyone here probably I want it all... and as I've said before I'm so frustrated that we left a school district (before we entered schooling age and knew gt was going to be an issue) that has self contained classrooms.

I need to figure out if we could part day or something. I feel like my will is being broken. I think this is why the school claimed it all evens out... because after a few years of dumbing your kid down you lose the will to fight it. Yawn. Need to get my mojo back as I was very inspired after the state gt conference... I need to get motivated before my kids think school is a social playland. I can see how boys more so than girls just revolt.

What I wouldn't give for 48 hours in the house without leaving! That NEVER happens when homeschooling!

Seriously, you have the wrong idea! We homeschoolers usually call it "carschooling," and my biggest complaint personally (as an introvert) is that I'm all the time having to be with people!

Here's our schedule:

M: leave home at 12:15
Get home at 6:30

T: leave home at 12:45
Get home at 3:45/6:00
(This is a playdate day though, so if we're home, someone else is, too...)

W: leave home at 10:30
return home at 6:30

Th: leave home at 12:45
return home at 3:45/6:00
(Another playdate/errand day)

F: leave home at 9:00
return home at 3:45, unless it's Cub Scout night, when we're home at 9:00.

Sat: leave home at 9:00
return home at 3:30

Sunday: nothing official! Whew!

See what I mean!?

Let me stress that this is our choice, so for people who *want* to be home more, that's certainly possible to choose instead. And I'll admit that we're not with people all the time we're out of the house. But it should demonstrate that you *can* be out of the house every day of the week and still homeschool quite effectively.

Not to be argumentative, but as a former "Oh, I could never do that" person, I just wanted to dispell that particular myth. Homeschoolers usually are, in fact, very rarely home!

If you don't mind me asking, how did you decide to start DS4 in the K and are homeschooling DS7? Just curious how you made this decision.

I'm HSing a 3rd grader and sent my 5yr old to K this year. In my case, I knew I had some issues to deal w/ DS after years in PS and he's not an easy kid anyhow. I knew i couldn't deal w/ all 3 kids (I have a 2yr old) b/c it would have been seen as an extension of summer. Plus, while DS5 is as advanced as DS8 was at the same age, he's much more laid back and really enjoys school. And his K teacher is challenging in some areas. he had started complaining of not learning anything but once he started in reading groups and writing more (he likes to write), he was happy.

I have a friend who started HSing this year and really had a problem from being overextended. I think in most places, there are just so many things you can do, the issue becomes being home enough. My 8yr old doesn't like to be on the go all the time. He loves his time at home to read for hours and build with LEGOs and play on the computer so for us, being home a lot works especially since I have a 2yr old. Once the weather is nice, that will be a different story as we do lots of nature hikes etc.

Well, DS7 started public school K and 1st grade. K was great. 1st was a DISASTER, in no uncertain terms. It was when my GT denial met lousy teacher, producing DS7's massive boredom, frustration and deep unhappiness. We pulled him out for "emergency homeschooling." It was so bad, we didn't even schedule meetings or advocate. We just pulled him out.

So at the base, I am not a HSer by philosophy; I am a HSer by necessity. That's why you'll never hear me giving anyone the hardsell on homeschooling. I think it is a valid option, but it is just one option among many. I don't want people to dismiss it as a choice without knowing what they're talking about--there are so many myths and misconceptions out there!--especially when it looks to me like HSing might solve their problems, as it has solved DS7's. But I am not someone who has known since before I had kids that we would homeschool. I still wish public school had been a workable solution for DS7.

As for why we're planning to put DS4 in public school...DS4 is a very different sort of child from DS7. I mean VERY different.

DS7 is HG+, highly logical (Spock Jr.) and clearly academically driven. He's a highly social introvert, but an introvert nonetheless. He's my mini-me, and aside from my regular nagging of him to hurry up and finish his work (*sigh*), he is very easy for me to communicate with because we approach things the same way.

OTOH...

DS4 is a highly social extrovert who has enjoyed pre-K a whole lot more than his big brother ever did. He is HIGHLY emotional, to the point where he cries before he says what's wrong, and he often does better at telling his teachers what's up than he does with me. He likes crowds of people. He is very hard for me to communicate with because we are basically polar opposites in temperament and approach to things. Finally, I'm not sure DS4 is GT at all. He may be ND. (Oh, wouldn't life be simpler if he's ND!) If he's ND, school makes more sense for him and would be my first choice.

Now, with all that said...if DS4 is GT, then I think there's a decent chance that he also has an LD. That would make for a completely different kettle of fish. If the school can't handle DS7, a kid desperate to learn and easy as pie to teach, then a 2E kid is not going to fare well there, I fear. In that case, we'd probably homeschool him or send him to the private GT school in town. But I doubt I'd try to fight the public school system on that one.

My general approach to education is strictly practical: what's the current problem and which approach offers the best solution to that problem? People who are wedded to some specific philosophy risk missing good stuff for their kids because they're not open to it. We're even eclectic homeschoolers!

I always say, this isn't theory, it's practice. I do what works, regardless of what it is!

Does that make sense?

Oh sad today. School started. DS4 will be fine - he's still little and will enjoy the play-based year (Prep - our equivalent of K?). But I left DS6 sitting on the floor with the other grade ones looking so alone. He was happy enough to see the other boys - he likes them and they like him - he's a social introvert too Kriston. But the way they interact is so different, and he wasn't involved. And this after a harrowing end to last week while we agonised over whether to accept a place for DS6 at the GT school even though they couldn't fit DS4. In the end the logistics were too hard, and would have involved DS4 being alone in a before and after-school care situation that I don't like. This way we can look into getting someone to mind them at home after school, and they're so happy that they haven't been split up.

But I'm so worried that I feel like spending the morning crying. I've asked that he be in a 1/2 class, and have already had "the talk" from the deputy about acceleration damaging social development.

Yes, he's really special. And I'm really sad.

Perhaps I can drown my sorrows in housework...

Or wine. At least virtual wine... (No calories and no hangover!)

So sorry, BKD.

That makes complete sense. It is good to know that there are options out there and to not treat a HG+ kid in a public school system equivalent to a life sentence. We are planning to try public school, you just never know. DS4 is very social and active. Only time will tell. If I ever pulled him out to homeschool, I would have to let someone else home school him while I worked. Maybe grandma? Anyhow, thanks for sharing. I think you are quite wise to be open to options, and what will best meet your children's needs, and to acknowledge that your children's needs may be different.

If you decide to homeschool, come here and talk it through. There are a surprising number of ways to make it happen even while you work. It's harder--no question! But it can be managed.

And options are good! Indeed.

BKD -
Virtual hugs to you!!!

Would the private school work if a spot opened up for DS4 (a cancellation, perhaps?)?

(((BKD)))) hugs and pats.