hello all, I have a 9 year gifted daughter as well as a 7 year old gifted son, i am having a hard time with him staying focused as far as muliti tasking,he is not an out of control kid he listens and he is not disrespectfull he forgot his homework like 2 times this week and he thinks i will go to the school and get it for him which i do not and i know he is alot smarter than that. i just wonder if i am too hard on him, my daughter is very independent and i never have to do anything for her, my son is just like so needie he recently got into the gifted program at school maybe it is just a new adjustment for him, but i take that back because in like baseball he is just looking off in lala land he is just not focused any help please is this normal or do i need to relax.

Hi Kristina,

This sounds alot like my son. I don't have any answers for you but do have a shared experience. Since my son was two I have noticed him staring alot. I became suspicious and started paying closer attention. His staring spells just weren't right for me. I began to see a pattern and the staring was more like zoning out. He has always done well in school, preschool etc... been very social and well tempered. I was able to video tape him and showed his pediatrician, at this point my insecurities were taken more seriously. We still don't know what it is but there is a consensus that there is something going on. He has been under the care/observation of a pediatric neurologist and, at nine, he is as yet to be diagnosed. He is forgetful, requires reminding to bring home his jacket and lunchbag daily, forgets his binder at school, loses track of his personal stuff at home, etc... Baseball proved to be too slow allowing for many staring spells but plays lacrosse very well. He taught himself to read at 3, so he can concentrate and focus his attention when he is motivated to do so. He does well in school so we just monitor him at this point.

I hope this is beyond what may apply to you. But just in case...

regards,

sy

Hi Kristina
My daughter was a lot like this. Her disorganisation caused greater problems the further she progressed through school. The only thing I can suggest that may or may not help, is helping him write and refer to lists. This could also be done in consultation with the teacher and may incorporate putting a special sign or symbol near the door of the classroom, such as a sticker, a blue spot.... so that when he ses it, he has to refer to his list, which may have things such as homework, assignment, hat,....

Another thing to try is "get behind your son's eyes" using the Brigg-Myers Type Indicator, such as http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
I think it's tough for families with more than one gifted kid to see the different kinds of giftedness. Of course you can't help comparing your son to your daugher, but as a parent of an "only child" I can't say enough how often I hear siblings compared to each other. Another possible resource is http://www.sylviarimm.com/articles.htm
She has a whole spread about gifted children connecting their appearances to how they feel on the inside that's very interesting.

Basically I think that a lot of each child's behavior is inborn, and a whole 'nother lot of it has to do with how well their daily school environment fits their needs.

Best Wishes
Trin

I just joined this list, so am chiming in a bit late. It sounds to me like you need to change your expectations for your son, and also consider finding out if he has other identifiable issues that might be impacting his behavior.

My daughter just turned 7 & can not multitask. I cannot count on her to be able to do 3-4 things in a row without getting distracted. She can do so sometimes, even a lot of the time. But of course, when I�m in a hurry, and need her to rush� well, it�s like the word �rush� has no meaning. And this is when I notice I say �OK, brush your teeth, get your socks and shoes on, and get your jacket on and we�ll go� that she might stop to go pee after brushing her teeth, and then dawdle in her room unless I go up and say �What are you supposed to be doing right now?�

I just attended a lecture on gifted/ADHD kids. The lecturer said with these kids, especially at this age, you need to accept that you will need to give them more mentoring and modeling, more structure to keep them organized and on track. It�s not their fault, the problem is when you expect they can do things when they really can�t. Believe me, I know how frustrating it can be, and I don�t even have an independent older child to compare my daughter to. Your older child has set an example your son can�t follow. Rather than get frustrated at your son, try to focus on being thankful that at least one of your kids is independent and organized!!

My daughter may or may not be ADHD, although it seems clear she has executive functioning issues. Knowing this let�s me tap into resources (books, discussions, etc) on how best to help kids with this kind of organizational difficulty. That�s why I suggest you look into what kinds of �issues� your son might have, so you can find resources to help you help him.

Good luck!!
Patricia

I so agree... It's like they are from different planet at times. My son can sometimes put his socks on and then forget althogether about the process of getting dressed because an interesting article( some paper on the floor in his totally messy room) just caught his eye and he is gone. Until I yell from downstairs that we are leaving for school...

thank you guys so much for your input I am going to take your advice i just told my husband last week that my son is still learning and we should take it easy on him. he has been in the gifted program at school for now 1 month and he is doing very well,(better than i thought) I have also came up with a rountine before and after school as far as backpack placement homework placement ect...so that is working as well.so i thank you again.....

ohh i have a new internet provider so i changed my name on here i use to be kristina i am now kristi04