I must admit, I'm not surprised by it, but it brings on a lot of mixed emotions.

We had a meeting with DS7's school--principal, teacher, and counselors--and they referred us to a couple of doctors (medical and psych) to get a handle on where we are. As he gets older, his social problems are more and more problem--evidently because younger kids don't necessarily play with each other and interact like older kids do, and he sticks out more now. He is getting in trouble for bullying, which is nearly amusing considering that he's a little, scrawny thing who gets picked on a lot. But he has a mouth on him, and quite the vocabulary, and no inhibitions about saying things that other kids find threatening. He's the weird kid, of course, and when the other kids won't play with him, or won't play his way, or make fun of him, he lashes out and then gets in trouble. So apparently now he fits everything in the Asperger's description. The school is really quite good about it all, working on all kinds of things that they hope will help him to learn the social stuff and at the same time accelerating him to 3rd grade math and starting him on some new computer program they have called Success Maker which is for both low and high end kids, to try to keep him from tuning out in boredom. And we have an appointment with one of the doctors next week to see what he thinks.

As I say, I'm not surprised--I've spent years denying it, but when he was two years old and wandering around in circles counting to himself, I said, "oh lord, my kid is rainman." Then I fought the preschool tooth and nail to keep them from labeling him when he was 4. I said, "why is it that everybody thinks there has to be something wrong with him, can't he just be a really smart kid?" I guess not.

On the one hand, I can't stand that there is something wrong with him, and on the other hand I believe that if they had gone around diagnosing Asperger's when I was a kid, I'd have been labeled with it too. So I guess I know where he gets it. Can I consider it "wrong" if I have it, too? I don't know what to think. I want to defend my child like a mama tiger, but I want to get him help too.

Sorry, babbling.

You know, I am "Aspergery" too. And that's not just a self-diagnosis.

My mom felt that there was something "wrong" with me from the beginning, but the diagnosis didn't exist back then. I don't think she had any idea how to deal with my issues.

Now, from my perspective as an adult, there is nothing wrong with me. Now I'm maybe atypical, unconventional (or something)

A diagnosis of Asperger's doesn't mean there is something wrong with your son. He will still be the same kid he was before, but the label will help others understand him better and help him develop to his full potential. And I think a lot of amazing strengths can come with this kind of brain!

Getting help is defending him. I think knowing and having ways to help would have spared me and my family a lot pain when I was growing up. If you feel that you may also have Asperger's traits, you probably know what I mean!

That said, I think it's important to have an outside opinion and not rely completely on the school or the doctors they are referring you to for a diagnosis. Some kids are misdiagnosed, and it's important for you (and for him) to find out what's really going on.

Is there necessarily something "wrong" with him? I liked this story (though not so much the reporter):

http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/2346896.htm.

There are so many labels applied to people - as though differences always have to be diagnoses, rather than just differences. They give so much richness to life.

Nautigal, so sorry to hear your ds is having social problems!
We have forever been getting comments from friends and family members about ds9's sometimes odd behavior, but as a parent, I just couldn't really 'see' much wrong with how he was behaving. Until 1st grade, when he himself started to ask questions about why he wasn't making friends. At all.
I still don't claim to understand it all, but we did seek out an assessment from a neuropsychologist who was able to determine that, while ds is gifted, he has a couple of issues - some kind of delay in learning/using/knowing when to employ 'rules of good social behavior', and a processing speed issue that stands out on timed tests (another thread altogether!)
Anyway, he recommended a social skills training class, and noted that ds was in fact pretty depressed about his social situation. 6 months later, we have completed a parents/boys course in social skills, ds seems to be making more and more friends and really getting along MUCH better. I believe his actual downfall was in not knowing that the social skills mattered, so why bother? Ack.
He is not what I would call extremely polished, but he gets the job done most of the time, knowing now it is important to not just talk about your own interests, but to let others get a word in edgewise, even encourage them to talk by asking them questions...
He is much much happier.

So, all that to say, in some ways the diagnosis doesn't matter. No one ever said 'Asperger's' to us officially, but the therapy ds received was designed with Asperger's kids in mind.

Something the doctor said about ds' ability to tell he wasn't getting along helped us to understand he was unlikely to actually have the full on syndrome, but still definitely needed the help.

Hugs!! I know this is a hard question to contend with!

ps, one other piece of the puzzle for ds has been the gt group at school, where he's met many kids he enjoys enough to want to win them over.

Have you seen this? http://vrosario.bol.ucla.edu/forms/Sohn_Grayson.pdf

Somebody mentioned Aspergers to us for the first time recently, so I looked it up. In our case, it was a clear "no", but I just heard of someone else who looked at the list and there were no more questions in her mind.

Me too! (Waving hand in the air.) First let me share my favorite article in trying to explain AS and giftedness. If you haven't already come across it then I highly recommend it http://www.cec.sped.org/AM/Template...CM/ContentDisplay.cfm&CONTENTID=4171

My DD9 has an AS diagnosis, it is questioned in one of my twins. Some days you are sure that is it, no question, others you wonder. I think getting help is the best thing that you can do for your child. It is painful to watch my DD going through some of the same experiences I had as a child. Back then it was blamed on my upbringing and the loss of my mother, after a life long illness, when I was ten. Looking back I could easily have fit the diagnosis. It doesn't seem to matter so much as an adult, I have adapted. Only relating to adults isn't so odd when you are an adult.

Sending many <<<hugs>>> your way.

There is nothing wrong with being Eccentric. Quirkiness has its admirers!!

In some ways, its armor for a very sensitive kid who, if they took all the world into a hyper-sensitive soul, could go quite mad.

Most people never consciously think of others when they act - its so ingrained in ND. The fact that he will have to logically think about others' emotions will make him more sensitive as an adult to others' distress.

A few months ago I was going through this same conflict with DS6. As he gets older the social quirks just get more evident. We also have a lot of the same behavior/bullying issues because DS6 does not seem to have much tolerance and is quick to lash out when things don't go how he planned. We were looking at either an Asperger or NLD diagnosis to explain these behaviors despite the fact that he really didn't meet all the clinical diagnostic criteria for either one.

We actually had a full neuropsychological evaluation done on him at the beginning of the summer. We were told that DS6 is VERY smart and has no other diagnoses at this time except for some mild anxiety and depression. The team that evaluated him recommended continued counseling and some social skills training.

Reading about Aspergers and NLD did help me to understand my son a little bit more and I am still using some of the coping strategies that I read about even though my son does not have the diagnoses.

I am so glad we had the evaluation done. I know I would have continued to worry and have questions that we were not helping my son to the best of our ability.

Yes, me too! (Waving hand in the air also.)
I still have some residual issues as an adult, but I've developed good coping mechanism now.