My soon to be 3 yr old DD is stressing me out. Every time she is put to bed, be it nap or nighttime, we have a ritual of her own doing that must be completed. Even if she is completely asleep, like this afternoon, she will jump into action to insure all tasks are done before I close the door. This has been going on for months now and I really think I have an OCD child.

It started with asking me to move a trashcan out of the middle of the floor (One she had moved early that day.) which I did. Now our ritual includes 'moving' the trashcan even if it is to pick it up and place it back in the same place; opening and closing the drawers; closing the curtains; and moving the ceiling fan blades but not wanting the ceiling fan on. Am I dealing with OCD or is this a quirky habit that she will out grow? The rest of the day she is mellow and easy going about doing what ever.

I think it's pretty normal for preschoolers to need a ritual to help them fall asleep. Although DD never did this, I know plenty of kids who have. And this is an age where rules have special significance. DD has plenty of crazy rules that she demands that I follow at other times throughout the day, and I am not the least bit concerned about OCD or any other MI. Your DD's ritual doesn't seem like it is outside the norm by any means. JMHO.

My ds had a bunch of things he wanted us to say when he was little (songs, prayers, counting, etc.). I can't remember how old he was at the time - 3 seems about right -, but I always thought he was trying to keep us in the room longer (he had a hard time getting himself to sleep). Anyway, he no longer does such things, so I don't think it was OCD.

Yup. We had it, too, at about the same age. DS8 had this elaborate series of kisses and hugs that had to be performed in the right order before bed. The ritual got longer and longer before I finally decided that enough was enough and give him a limit on how many ritualized kisses I would allow. (I forget how many, but fewer than he was used to.) That helped. Once in a while I would just interrupt the ritual to hold him in a really good bear hug. That helped, too.

He got bored with it eventually and quit altogether. Every once in a while he pops up with some new ritual, but it doesn't last long and it doesn't interfere with life in any significant way. I just set limits on how much I'm willing to tolerate, and since he seems able to control it, I think it's more of a game than anything.

If your DD doesn't seem desperate about the ritual, like she can't control herself, then I wouldn't be too worried about OCD. The lack of control is when it's troubling, I think. (Though I'm not a psych!)

On the contrary, actually, I suspect she enjoys the fact that she's getting to control you!

BTDT when our younger was 3. I had to kiss each of his (many) stuffed animals and cuddle them in a specific corner of DS's bed. He enjoyed that, I made it through

Thanks everyone. I was really starting to freak out about this obsession and when mentioning her activities to others with kids her age I get a lot of comments basically saying it seems a little strange: what she is obsessed on more so than the fact she is obsessed. And I really try to keep it in check. If I didn't I would be in the room forever! I give in to the things I mentioned except the curtain b/c it is already drawn. But I will say that if I try to not do the requests and walk out of the room; I am met with a major melt down. Also, if I try to limit the requests to just one, the reaction is the same. But I hope that this too will pass and I am sure to be replaced with something else more annoying.

I guess I'd ask if you think the tantrums are because you won't do what she's asking/requiring of you and she's mad at you, or because she's afraid or troubled that something "bad" will happen if you don't do it, or simply because it MUST be done--utterly external to her as far as she's concerned--and she honestly can't conceive of it not being done.

The former is no big deal, I think. The latter two might be more of a problem.

BTW, that she wants *you* to do the actions, and they're not something that *she* does also makes me think it's unrelated to OCD.

One last thought: have you asked her why she wants this stuff done? Sometimes the answer can be telling about what's on her mind and how to approach it.

Major meltdown? That sounds VERY familiar. I remember how careful I used to be to do things in the exact order or we ended up with a big temper tantrum.

I think she just wants to keep you in her room and postpone going to bed.

my ds5.5 used to have one from about 9 months to about 4. it's subsided, but dd3.5 has to go through her routine now. it's the same exchange every night. i think it's normal!

oh, and if the tantrum starts because she didn't get to do the routine the same way, we let her continue the tantrum. hers last WAY less than ds5.5 did!

Kriston:

Still debating the why. At first I concluded that she is not getting mad because 'I' didn't fulfill her requirements because throughout the rest of the day our relationship is well defined. I am not the type of mom that gives in to demands. Now I really think it is because I don't give in to the demands throughout the rest of the time that she has focused into this obsession at nap/night time. (If that makes sense) As for the other possibilities you brought up: I don't get that something 'bad' will happen to her but it is possible that her actions fall under the MUST be done but I still think it is too early to classify this under that. I still think we are under a fun activity that got mommy to do my bidding and now it has turned into this obsession which brings me back to the 1st possibility.

I have asked her before about why she has to have mommy do all of the actions but never really got past the orders ... she can be very stubborn. If she doesn't want to talk about something she absolutely won't. She will totally ignore us. But I am going to ask her again tomorrow when not in the middle of doing the actions and see what she says.

It may also mean that she's not sure why, and that's okay. "Because I want it that way" is the safe answer here, I think, and it sounds like that's what's going on.

FWIW, the more you say about it, the more normal it sounds to me. I just didn't want to dismiss it out of hand as harmless, you know?

But it sounds to me like a very normal--maybe even typical!--control issue for a GT 3yo. I wouldn't recommend making a big deal of it. Then it just becomes more of a battleground for her to stand firm about. I don't think I'd even recommend that you ask her about it further. Unless it scares her, I'd say accept what you con tolerate and then no more, but don't make anything of it with her.

Where shall I send my bill for the utterly amateur psych consult? LOL!

I recently changed my cyber address and the mail hasn't caught up. Darn!

After reading everyone's opinions on the topic and evaluating the situation tonight; I am even more certain that I am dealing with another quirky habit. I even tested her tonight, explaining that I would only do one thing and allowing her to choose the one and she didn't pitch the fit I expected.

Thank you all for the opinions b/c as I said ... talking to other moms with kids the same age I was constantly getting the 'how strange' comments but I think the strange element really highlights the gifted factor which seems to be backed by the reassuring comments of all of you.