DS age 11 is 2e but the primary stumbling block in social skills appears to be related to his quirky sense of humor and inattentiveness (ADDish). At least these social skill deficits apply to him:

Has trouble taking turns
Interrupts or blurts out answers
Wants things immediately
Doesn’t give others the chance to speak (Little Professor, lectures at people)
Is a poor listener and loses the point of what’s being said
Gives up easily on tasks, even in group activities (he tends to not track with others)
Constantly moves around and fidgets

I need to help him as it's come to a place where he basically said to me that he can't wait for middle school as he is the most unpopular kid in the 5th grade and he's ruined himself at his elementary. I don't have the heart to tell him that middle school is even worse . I need to teach him any social skills I can, and fast. Does anyone have any resources? I don't want to put him in a once a week class because I think we need to work faster and more intensively than that. Plus he is smart, I think he can pick it up really quick so long as I'm super clear about what is happening. Does anyone have a social skills workbook or online resource? Something like Khan Academy for social skills would be ideal…. I did already give him an app called Give Me 5 and he blew through that already. Any ideas?

No I haven't - I will go check it out. I am not sure what to do, because a lot of his deficits are related to his brain chemistry…

Another idea might be The Unwritten Rules of Friendship.

Also Michelle Garcia's Social Thinking website.

SuperFlex is part of Social Thinking. But I agree that the Unwritten Rules would be a good resource.

I have a son who has some social skills issues, too. We have been working on them with a psychologist and a social skills group for a couple of years. The best book I have read on the topic is "8 Keys to Raising the Quirky Kid" by Mark Bowers. It is an incredible resource and is the only book I've read that provides detailed advice about how to scaffold various social skills. I highly recommend it for you.

I have also bought and read some books aimed at kids. If your son is open to reading them, the following books might be helpful: "How to Make and Keep Friends" by Nadine Briggs and "Social Rules for Kids" by Susan Diamond.

My son, who is now six, participated in a social skills play group for over a year and that helped a bit. I saw the most dramatic improvement in his social skills, however, when he started attending a school where he found a friend who was also very smart, a bit quirky and interested in the same things. For kids who struggle with social skills, lots of practice (combined with some direct instruction and modeling) can make a huge difference. The Bowers book stresses this and I found it to be true. That book was a lifesaver for us and I think you will find what you need in it. Good luck!

The Social Thinking books seem a bit young for my son, my instinct is he would reject them as being for younger kids. But I just ordered the How To Make and Keep Friends book. It looks perfect, hopefully it will help. I am also going to buy the companion book for parents. If anyone has additional ideas, let me know - and thank you again for your help

DD11 also really enjoyed The Asperkid's Secret Book of Social Rules, LAF. I know your DS doesn't have Asperger Syndrome, but it's a very nice catalog of what to do in many situations that might help.

Lepa, I just finished reading 8 Keys to Raising the Quirky Kid and that was really an eye opener. I saw my DS in a lot of that book and also where I have not been helping him work the social muscles he needed to develop. I wish I had read it when he was in 3rd grade, but I didn't see it at that point- in a lot of ways he's very social and certainly tries to make friends and be part of the group, but as the other kids picked up the social rules, he didn't and now in 5th grade he can't engage them and he is being left out (and has started adapting to that by spending recess and eating lunch in the classroom). I am now reading the How To Make and Keep Friends book Parents Guide. After I finish this one I will check out the other books.

Thank you all so much, I have no idea what I would do without this group.

LAF, I just saw this post. I'm glad that the book was helpful.

As I said above, my son really started to pick up more social skills when he changed schools and found a kindred spirit. The daily experience of being with a friend really boosted his social skills and helped his self-confidence. It's so hard to practice social skills when you are socially isolated! I also think that he needed an opportunity to break out of the role he had become boxed into at his preschool. It was a necessary transition for us because my son was ready to start kindergarten but I understand that it would be difficult for you to give your son an opportunity to get a similar fresh start. I wonder if your son could enroll in a class or enrichment activity where he might meet new kids who have similar interests? This might give him an opportunity to break out of his current role, meet somebody who he connects with and gain some self-confidence that might transfer to his relationships at school? As Bowers points out, practice is critical to developing social skills but you must first help your son find somebody who he can practice with!

Well I realized after reading the book that his two friends were not ideal for helping him with skills and now understand why he picked them. One was a gamer, only likes to play video games and no other activities and the other was an exchange student from China (limited ability to communicate). I am now trying to set up playdates where video games are a very small part (if not completely absent).

He is really looking forward to middle school (he is in 5th, the last year at this school) and I am hoping he will qualify for the public gifted HG school. I think he would find kindred spirits there. He's also doing Science Olympiad at school, so I'm hopeful there too.

I really appreciate all the help, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong for so long: first he was gifted, then he had the second e, but I still couldn't figure out the last part and why he kept isolating himself more and more (and seemed majorly stressed when I picked him up from school). He is socially delayed compared to the other kids, and so that was making the whole situation worse. We are now really limiting the TV, and we are spending a lot of time as a family doing activities. I also got him the How To Make Friends book and while he has been resistant to reading it he did say things are going better because he has been using things in the book at school.

Just saw the post and wanted to add a few things.

Both my kids were shy and when they started school, both had socially challenges in terms of making friends and participating in class discussions. I have been trying several things over the years and I have to say that practice in different social situations helped the most.

I tried to provide them lots of social interaction so that they can practice their social skills. I invited class friends for a playdate. (Sometimes, even they didn't invite my kids back and I invited them again and again. :-) ) I invited one child at a time so that it's not overwhelming. I tried to arrange birthday parties and include all class friends. When it's school break, I tried to send them to camps, so they will be in a group of kids that they have never seen. Interacting with different kids will help them in different ways vs playing with the same kids over and over again. I started to send them with school bus (social interaction opportunity of 15-20 mins every weekday). I also tried to empower their independence. Coming from our culture, I figured I was doing too much for my kids and doing all those things slowed them down to learn to do many things by themselves. When I drop them off to classes, I started to send them from my car instead of walking them to their class. When we were in café or so, I gave them the money and asked them to go buy a food/drink themselves. In short, I took each and every opportunity to practice their social skills.

In short, I would suggest lot of practice this year. You have plenty of time until next year :-)

You've received a lot of great advice - I'll just add one thing. My ds had a really tough time making friends in elementary school, due to issue with speech (some expressive language, some related to pragmatic speech). I have invested a ton of time working directly with him to practice social skills, but really what helped most was having the input of professionals in addition to my experience parenting him. Both were really critical. I realize a once-a-week class sounds slow, so does once-per-week therapy, but I wouldn't discount the tremendous it might make for a child who is 2e and might actually need some very specific skill-oriented training. It's just not always that clear-cut and easy to figure out as a parent. That doesn't mean that you don't work with your child - just means that getting that extra input from a professional working with your child was invaluable for us. YMMV of course

Best wishes,

polarbear

My experience is 5th-8th grades are very hard socially. Your son in not alone here. Kids who struggle with social cues and are a bit slow on the social development really have a hard time during these grades. Keep in mind that the other kids are also learning their social skills and while they might be better than your son's they don't tend to be the most empathetic.

I know how hard it can be. My son crashed and burned in 6th grade socially. (Still in elementary in his case.) We had high hopes that things would change in junior high but while it did get better, he isolated himself and didn't really try to make friends. At the time he though the other kids immature and didn't think anyone else liked the same things he did.

I did put him in a social skills class for about 6 months starting at the end of 6th grade, and was seeing a therapist for a while then. And for the past year+ in H.S. (There is more than just the social skills, he has anxiety disorder.) I am sure this helped but it didn't show immediately. I don't know exactly what went on in those meetings as I wasn't invited. Mostly I think it was stuff he absorbed but wasn't read to put into practice till he was a bit older. I'm not giving you much specific advice here except I did get professional help. Learning social skills takes time & practice. Even though DS is smart doesn't mean he can pick this type of thing up fast. It takes practice and it can be a bit demoralizing when the other kids have their own agenda's & don't necessarily follow a script.

My DS is a junior in H.S. now. In terms of his social skills you almost can't recognize him. While he's not the most social kid in the school. He has friends, he has joined clubs at school, he just joined an activity by himself recently that has me grinning from ear-to-ear. We went to Thanksgiving at a friends of mine and he conversed politely with the adults and other teens he had never met. I am very proud of how self confident he is these days. The difference is at 6/7th grades he wanted me in his confidence and now he wants me to go away and let him do it HIMSELF. He is in Marching Band and attends a small wilderness camp in the summer. Both have been very good for him emotionally & socially.