Last night my 7th grader, who is in an advanced LA class, could not do the assignments. They triggered his anxiety disorder, as they required that he share personal information and viewpoints with the teacher, which he said is "too stressful".

I've written about this before, and he is not an unwilling student - but he does have diagnosed anxiety, self-esteem and perfectionism issues.

So far he's had about 1-2 outbursts a week in LA over these assignments as well as several at home. Finally last night my wife said "enough is enough" and told him not to do them anymore.

We have requested an in-person meeting with his LA teacher and are waiting to hear back. She seems reasonable but handcuffed to the curriculum.

In the mean time, we have this difficult situation. He is a straight A student who now has several missing assignments. Clearly he is not going to be able to do them if the result is a breakdown every time he tries. But he is also stressed at the thought of getting bad grades.

I'm hoping we can find some way of staying within the curriculum and having his needs accommodated. We've been told that the district might not give him credit for the class if the curriculum is changed too much.

We've considered home schooling in LA this year, but it would be a logistical nightmare.

But we do need a solution. Too many sleepless nights and we are only 4 weeks in to the semester.

What part of homeschooling LA would be a nightmare? Would the school accept an online course for credit?

Our district has online classes for kids with various needs but it is not advertised at all.

Could your DS do LA over the summer, when he is not as stressed by other tasks?

Feeling for you. You have to sleep or you won't be able to problem-solve.

LA is third and sixth period out of an 8-period day. To pull him out, my wife (who is stay at home) would have to do a lot of pick up and drop off. Maybe he could have study halls instead, but with his executive function issues, I'm not sure that he would use unstructured time properly.

And maybe I'll be able to figure this out once I am well rested. This teacher seems nice so I'm hoping she can come up with some ideas.

On the other hand, we can reopen the IEP but scheduling those meetings takes a few weeks and we need an immediate strategy.

Thanks Eco.

Yikes! That is a lot of LA! Is part of it direct instruction and part work time?

Thank goodness the teacher is nice. Does your DS resist writing in general, or is it these particular types of assignments? It doesn't seem like it would be so difficult to modify (but I am a dreamer).

I have always thought it entirely unreasonable that students should be compelled to share personal information and feelings. I can do it but resent the hell out of it.

Can he present fake information though? Would anyone know or care?

Puffin - he has anxiety even faking the writing or trying to pretend he's someone else. He is very literal and cannot "deceive" himself like that. Hope that makes sense.

This morning he told me that he anxiety is because his writing "is not good enough" and that "the teacher will judge me."

We know that's not true, but such is the nature of childhood anxiety - you can't just snap yourself out of it.

Eco,

He is fine with writing in general, especially non-fiction. In fact, he really gets into writing. He writes great essays. But sharing personal info or something that reflects on him as a person is a no go.

The two periods include a lot of in-class work, which has been the source of many melt-downs.

Okay--this sounds really familiar but my son doesn't erupt, he shuts down.

Not a short term type of question, just something to ponder:
--Has your DS been bullied, misunderstood, or treated unkindly by peers or school personnel in the past? I believe a source of my DS' shut-downs results from some school trauma related to his ASD (poor social communication) and the resulting treatment he received.
--If your DS does not feel emotionally safe sharing his feelings, a CBT therapist might be able to help with that. I know that doesn't solve the immediate concern.

I believe my DS12 (ASD) has some issues with alexithymia. Here is a link just to start:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2092499/

I haven't researched it enough to be articulate. Perhaps there is a way to communicate with the teacher that this a "can't" and not a "won't."

I would think LA would be the most modifiable of all curricula (speaking as a former HS English teacher).

Good luck. I feel sorry that your DS and family are in distress--this is not fun.

BSM, are your DS's disabilities documented through the school's process? Is there a 504 or IEP in place?

If not, I'd start that process. It gives you a leg to stand on when you ask for accommodations.

My DD10 is in OOD at a spec Ed school because of severe LD issues. As a third grader they placed her in an 8th grade LA class. She found it moved "painfully slow" and part of the explanation was that they carefully edited the content for just the reasons you articulate. Much of the spec Ed population would have had difficulty with the content of the readings let alone the types of assignments you are describing. (Folks were concerned about DD - then 8 - but she takes it all in stride. While sensitive in real life she is able to handle just about anything that comes her way in written form...) While it is a spec Ed school they do conform (all too much IMHO...) to common core. This tells me that your DS's content can be adjusted if needed.

I would not wait weeks for an IEP meeting or allow him to continue to have melt downs over this at home or at school. I would speak immediately to the school psych/SW/spec Ed teacher. Their hands probably feel less tied than the classroom teacher's. If this is triggering his anxiety disorder it needs to be addressed. Now. In my experience undoing the damage is much harder than making the needed change when the problem is first identified,

Sadly is this world of ours I am sure yours is not the only child who is triggered by something in the school curriculum. There HAS to be a way around it. Hopefully an experienced person inside the school will be able to suggest an appropriate solution. I would call this morning and get that ball rolling,

Good luck!

FYI, it should not take weeks to schedule a reconvene on an active IEP, especially when you are describing nightly emotional distress of this intensity. In our building, it's more like days. Or as soon as the parent can come in. Definitely rope a school mental health professional into this (psych, SAC, SW, GC).

An update to this gripping human drama.

DS had a good day on Wednesday. The LA teacher met one on one with him and they agreed on some accommodations. He can write his stories about animals, and can talk about the animals needs (food, clean water, shelter, avoiding predators) rather than human emotions. DS is still struggling a bit, but overall this is a big win and I am starting to like this LA teacher.

Yesterday was not as good, but wasn't necessarily that bad either.

During morning announcements, DS heard an announcement for a club for a particular type of student. He became upset and left the classroom, because he thought it was discriminatory. He never went to any class all day, and stayed in the office. He did manage to do some assignments, so he didn't have too much homework last night. But he missed a lot of in-class instruction again.

The assistant principal was very understanding. This guy used to be the school psychologist and seems to get 2e. No punishments or repercussions for his behavior.

I actually praised him last night because he didn't get upset, shout or yell at anyone. He remained calm and non-confrontational. This is a step in the right direction. I wish he'd stop missing class, but at least we didn't have another meltdown.

One day at a time.

Yup.

I understand. I was lucky enough to go to school at a time when personal felings weren't of great interest to teachers. Not always lucky but mostly.

I was thinking his LA teacher could suggest he interview (anonymously) some friends and maybe make a compilation of the answers of all of them to become a whole.

I like that the LA teacher has allowed him to write about animals though if he's uncomfortable writing about human emotion in general.

As of yesterday LA was going fine but now there is an issue in art. His classroom has an aide (probably because of the 12 kids there are 4 boys on IEPs including DS). This individual referred to DS as "obnoxious" to his face. Apparently this happened a while ago, but now DS has been refusing to work with her. He seems ok with the teacher though. Yesterday he got upset at the aide and the assistant principal had to come by to get him to go back in the classroom and finish his work.

Obnoxious. Seriously. WTH.

The battle continues...

That is disgusting, especially since clearly your DS is sensitive (mine would probably say, "well...I guess I *am* obnoxious..." Not to imply it would be okay, anyhow, I'm just thinking I'd never hear about it.)

Does the aide have any disability awareness training? I think that would qualify as harassment/hostile learning environment. Ugh.

I'm going to think this one through over the weekend so that I don't have a knee-jerk response.

Sure, DS can be obnoxious, but that's not the point - school staff should act like nurturing adults not children.

Part of the problem is that the paraprofessional positions are low paid and don't require much of anything in terms of credentials. At least that is true here.

Did the aide say he was being obnoxious or was obnoxious. Small diference in words big difference in meaning and intent.

Was obnoxious. I checked that too.

Good to hear. I just saw this thread, my DS16 a junior in H.S. has a 504 for very similar reasons. One accommodation that has helped over the past year is asking for the teachers to re-framing the question or as as your LA teacher is doing simply finding a different prompt. We also have an accommodation where if DS get's overwhelmed & anxious about a writing prompt he can have extra time to get it done. That break from the cycle with re-framing of the prompt usually does wonders. The extra time often helps because many times he gets to see/hear other student's work and it helps him understand the prompts better.

I've been trying to get DS for years to do this on his own and is he is getting better at it. What I mean by this we talk about how the teachers are primarily trying to get him to write. That most kids like writing about themselves. That he doesn't need to take most prompts quite as literally as he does. So if he can take the prompt and make it less personal. This has not come easy but he is getting somewhere with this.

DS has struggled with this for years but I never really got a handle on it till a year ago.

For my son that is just as hard as writing about himself. One of the essays he melted down on last year involved quizzing another students and then writing about them. We made some headway with this once he had a chance to listen to other students and he realized it could just be fiction.

I was wondering about what bluemagic just said. Can he be taught to just make it up? Fiction. Maybe he will think even fiction has too much truth in it. Animal is definitely a god idea too.

For anyone keeping up with our day to day adventure, the issue now is math. DS12 is very good at math - he tests out at a 12th grade level. However, he missed math on Thursday, and the staff did not provide us with his homework assignment despite it being in his IEP.

Friday, he got upset in math because he didn't do the homework, and he ended up missing the class, and missed another homework assignment. All of these assignments are supposed to be posted online, but they were not. Today, he missed class again because he was stressed out over being so far behind in homework. Again, the homework is not posted online and the teacher has not responded to our emails asking for the assignment.

I just sent him an email quoting the IEP which has provisions for this exact scenario.

Tests out at 12th grade level? Are you talking about scores on a test like the WIAT? Or could he test out of most H.S. math classes?

Sounds like it's time to go into school and ask to see this teacher. I find when I'm not getting a response by email showing up helps. If you can't see the teacher, ask to see the principal or vice principal or head of the department. Even without the 504 your son should be getting an extra day to finish homework if he has missed school for an excused absence.

This kind of relates to the "ask for help" issue, doesn't it? Does DS know how to approach the teacher and explain a situation, ask for help solving a problem (the problem being a missing assignment, in this case)?

Is he getting any help from a SPED teacher? What happens when he has to leave class? Is someone at school working on this with him?

Yes, when in school and upset he will not approach the teacher, and he will often refuse to work with them if they try to help. But, instead of emailing us an assignment or making sure he has it written down, they just stop and give up.

There is a SPED teacher in most of his classes, but we're having issues with her. She sees her role as more disciplinary than helpful, and doesn't try to think on her feet or problem-solve. She sends us long emails complaining about his behavior, but doesn't bother letting us know the assignments.

Also, his IEP states that he should have a set of textbooks for home. My wife emailed the SPED teacher twice and got no response. The third time she quoted the requirement from the IEP and mentioned that it was in his IEP. The next day the textbooks started coming home.

I'm really losing my patience with the school this year. Some teachers seem to be working hard to accommodate him, but others are letting issues snowball.

We have conferences in 2 weeks and I'm still on the fence about calling an IEP meeting.

According to the Performance series tests, his scores are on par with a median 12th grader. Also, he and I took an online calculus course over the summer and he clearly understood the material at a fundamental level.

So far he is not being marked off for late assignments. My current issue is that his missed assignments are often due to the school not communicating those assignments to us.

I doubt you'll have enough time in a conference to address IEP issues and strategize with the teacher(s).

Is there a specific reason for your reluctance to ask for an IEP meeting? (You don't have to answer that--just mean it as a clarifying question.) From what you've described, your DS is in distress and there are enough concerns (about both DS' anxiety and IEP issues) to warrant meeting.

I'd want to do this sooner, rather than later, before things escalate any further. I watched my DS circle the drain last year (with little gleams of hope here and there--"good day/weeks"). Looking back, wish I'd been a lot more proactive.

Eco, thanks for the kick in the pants. I just emailed the school calling an iep meeting.

Ha, I hope it didn't feel like a kick! I know it's easy to get stuck in the paralysis-via-analysis thing.

I hope school is responsive to your concerns! FWIW, my DS is really a lot better this year than last and my hunch it's because he's adjusted a little more to the hormonal issues--because I can't think what else has changed, much. He was kind of early-ish on the entering puberty side, for a boy. Anecdotally, I've heard from other parents that their boys were especially difficult in early adolescence, emotionally.

Hang in there! This stuff is exhausting.

After reading your suggestion I spoke with my wife, who was frustrated and emotionally drained. And it just clicked, enough is enough. So many avoidable issues.

So thanks