eco, it sounds like your advocate is trying to do a thorough job of understanding your ds' needs, and that's *wonderful*.
Advocate sent a really long email with a lot of resources. We are going to talk via phone next week. She's asked me for a lot of information--overwhelming.
I'm sure that the list of info she's asking for you combined with the list of resources she's sent feel huge and overwhelming, but I'd keep two things in mind:
1) Just tackle it one tiny chunk at a time. Don't get stressed out over the entire amount requested or the large amount of research you may have suddenly opened up for you, just take it all one step at a time and you'll get through it. I'd put together the list she's asking for first, so that she has the info to review before you talk. The info on resources may prioritize itself to a certain extent once you've talked to the advocate.
2) While it's looking like a huge task to pull the information together today, it's something that you need to do and that you'll keep with you and refer to again and again and again over the years as you advocate. So it's time well invested. You will most likely find that it's info your ds will appreciate having at the point in time he begins to advocate for himself.
"Before we talk I would like if you could, write down a list of all the concerns you have for X in the school, also a list of goals you have for him, and what solutions you feel would solve the current problems. Also if it is possible ask X to do the same thing. We will go over these list when we talk."
I agree that it's a great idea to get input from your ds. We found that including our ds' input was invaluable for a number of reasons: first, the school wants to hear from the student, not just the parent. When students' are younger, they really can't provide much in the way of meaningful input, and your ds is still at an age where he needs a large amount of support/interpretation/forward thinking from you when advocating, but he's also at an age where he has quite a bit of self-awareness (possibly... unless it's somewhat limited by his disability), and that is important to take into account. It's also helpful to have his input simply because it gives you more information (and very relevant, useful information), plus it gives him a voice, which can be very empowering. It also helps start the process of moving from all-parent advocating to eventual self-advocacy.
So I need to organize and weed out the mountain of email from teachers. Maybe highlight comments that illustrate their frustration with his social/behavioral stuff? I think most of my concerns are in two areas: EF and social communication. Maybe make a couple of lists with headings? The EF is easy to talk about--lost assignments, failure to complete assignments, rushing when not engaged, etc.
I'd print out *all* the emails (or save them to one file or file folder), then highlight comments that illustrate your concerns. I'd also note - EF issues are easy to see and understand (somewhat), so yes, that will be easy to talk about. Chances are you'll find that it will be the easier piece of the equation to get accommodations for too, because these are very common challenges.
Wildly inconsistent performance in classes--doing well for awhile and then suddenly checking out...is that a thing, and how do I articulate it?
You just articulated it. If you can, try to correlate it to something going on - do you see patterns - for instance, refusal to do a specific type of work, or checking out at a certain point in the semester or time of day, etc. If you don't see that yet, that's ok - that's why you're pursuing a private eval/opinion. You don't have to have all the answers yet, but you do need to be sure to give the advocate a list of all of your concerns.
The social is much more difficult to capture. Should I look for the comments about his negativity, "snarky" comments, disinterest, etc? It's all so non-specific. Except for the rambling and upsetting emails from the art teacher--should I include those?
I'd include all of this. The advocate will help you sift through the totality of your information and piece together what is necessary and helpful in advocating.
I am conceptualizing the art teacher as an "outlier." His other teachers each had a specific communication style--and often said similar things, in different ways--but were not lunatics.
I was once told, many years before I had children in school, by my friends who already had children in school - there's always going to be *one* teacher that is simply.... beyond annoying. I'm guessing the art teacher is that teacher for your ds, and I hope he's the last
You need to be able to articulate what happened in his class, why it was an example of your ds' disability impacting his performance combined with a teacher not recognizing the disability. Past that, you have to let go of calling him a lunatic anywhere but here
Which I realize you wouldn't do lol. Just keep the advocacy focused on the disability and needs of your ds, and try to take the emotion due to last year's situation with the art teacher out of the equation. Advocacy works best when you stay focused on future needs, focus on factual info, and keep everything even in terms of emotion. It's alright to get emotional with your *advocate* but try to keep the emotion out of how you build your advocacy case and out of discussions with the school.
She asked if he has a behavior plan and he doesn't. I'm not sure what a behavior plan is, exactly--and I don't know if it would help with his subtle "annoy the heck out of everyone" behaviors. I didn't realize we could have one with 504, but a friend says her child has one--but he has much more severe classroom behavioral issues.
I can't answer any of your questions about the behavior plan or whether or not you can get it with a 504 in your school district - but your advocate *can* answer those questions. In addition to the questions your advocate has asked you to answer, put together the list of questions you have for your advocate - in writing - because it's easy to forget a question here or there when having a discussion, especially when there is so much to consider and a lot of raw emotion involved.
As overwhelming as it all seems, you're doing all the right things, and headed in a good direction, so hang in there!
Best wishes,
polarbear