gone

Constructive thoughts ... no, I'm afraid that when DS starts on his paranoid rants like that, I try and talk reason to him until I can't take any more, and then I kiss him goodnight and go off in the living room to cry. It's so heartbreaking when your child has a view of the world that is so off, and you can't get through to them.

I feel your pain.

I know (think) that this would be a phone consult type of thing unless you could travel to FL or CO, but I wonder if Patricia Gatto-Walden could help you. Because your dd is so unique I think you may have to seek out someone who has worked with PG kids, and I just have a feeling she might get what is going on and have some good ideas on how to help her with this.

http://www.patriciagatto-walden.com/index.html

DS9 had some of this the year before last... medication really helped (the Intuniv apparently has a bit of an anti-anxiety effect in kids) and the group CBT was very helpful.

Moomin, I shared your daughters thinking, and still do mostly to be honest. Most little kids in a school environment can turn scary without warning. I imagine other children's age appropriate behavior is incomprehensible to your DD a lot of the time.

BUT something useful - when I was somewhere between 10-14 my mother tried to read a boom called "feel the fear and do it anyway" as with many sensible things my mother tried to talk to me about I point blank refused. BUT she did manage to get me to listen to a 3 minute summary of the book and its probably been one of the most useful social anxiety tools of my life... Not having read the book I can't vouch for it 100% but my mother's summary was quite life changing.

It ran something like: our fears are there to tell us to be careful, sometimes that is warranted, for example fearing falling from high places reminds you to stay away from the edge, this is rational. However sometimes our fears are not rational. Walking into a room full of strangers and assuming everyone hates you on sight is NOT rational, they don't know you, they've got no reason to like or not like you, most likely if you are pleasant they will be pleasant. Think abou your fears, if they are not relational feel the fear, acknowledge it, and do it anyway.

I would NOT have been responsive to therapy, especially not group. OMG i cant think of worse torture. They may of course have had a similar message. But this provided a simple and concise tool I could think about repeatedly on my own and apply as I was able on my own. It did help.

i've used, "is that the only explanation for (x happening)?" quite successfully with my anxious husband. granted, he's an adult, but his anxiety started in childhood and this is basically the only strategy that has broken through.

he can now pull himself outside the automatic negative thoughts long enough to list all the other possibilities, and then can examine the "most likely" vs. the "most extreme" explanation.

all the best, this really is a tough one.

I did think of one constructive thing that we do sometimes, that helps. I expect to drag it back out in the time of acne and general puberty, as well.

When DS worries about people looking at him, thinking bad things about him, etc., I ask him what he thinks the other people are thinking. Do you think they are thinking how much they hate you, or how you look funny? Let me tell you what they are thinking. They are thinking, I wonder if I have bad breath, does anyone notice my pants are too short, boy am I hungry, I wonder if I should call that girl, (and the one that always makes him giggle) oops I just farted, I wonder if anyone knows it was me, I'll just walk away now.

The point I keep hammering at until he laughs and I know he gets it is that everybody is wrapped up in their own thoughts and their own worries, and usually they don't have time to be worrying about somebody else.

Group was better for me than individual CBT. I got to see Nautigirl's internal monologues in action. It was a revelation that all these perfectly normal, pleasant people thought people were whispering about them, too. I also found hypnosis extremely valuable.

Maybe medication could provide a boost to let the CBT take effect? Is there a close friend in the picture? That was another thing that helped me.

Well, if she's picked up some new friends, she probably won't do the recess thing again -- since about the only way to accidentally stay out too long at recess is to be playing by oneself.