I know many of you have followed along on our adventures this summer (and for the past year.) We have an IEP meeting this afternoon and my stomach is in knots. These are always anxiety producing events but with all that has gone on this one is particularly gut wrenching. Along with seeing the principal who created so many difficulties we will be meeting the new teacher, new SW and new director of pupil personnel services for the first time. I have more than a few choice words I want to express but have to try to bite my tongue for DD's benefit.

Any good vibes, positive thoughts or words of advice are, of course, welcome.

Successful meeting vibes coming your way! I always feel nervous before these meetings even though the other people involved have always been marvellous and even though I know them, so it's not at all surprising to me that you're feeling far more so about this one. Here's hoping.

Keep your eyes on the prize: walk out of that meeting with what your DD needs, and try to leave your feelings and history out of it to the extent that you can. (Hard, I know.)

Do leave room for that principal to be stepped on, or educated, from higher up and become your ally or at least get out of your way. Ignorance *can* be remediated.

All good vibes etc. being sent. You are a pro and will do fine. Let us know how it goes.

DeeDee

Good thoughts going your way today. Here's hoping the new faces will also bring new energy and perspective. Please let us know how it goes!

Pemberley - I am thinking of you and sending lots of hugs of strength to you today!

I used to get soooo so very nervous before school meetings, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. Please know you have done an amazing job of advocating for your dd, and today is just one more step along in the journey. It will be fine....

Please let us know how everything goes after it's all over -

polarbear

I will be thinking about you all day today. Good luck!

Thinking about you and sending good vibes your way!

How did it go, Pemberley?

Wow! What a weird experience. This meeting could not have been any more different than the horrible one in June. Where to start...

First the meeting was not held in the usual conference room where everyone is squeezed around a small table. The last 2 meetings I was forced into a corner of the table without even having a spot on the table for my notebook. I assume new DSS and/or new director of pupil personal services decided to change the location to indicate there was a new atmosphere. They ran the meeting and the principal was indeed marginalized. Her attempts to be included involved her expanding on what we were asking for rather than being obstructionist. Someone clearly had discussed this matter with her. In a very serious manner. Perhaps including that she may have placed her job at risk. The difference in her attitude and demeanor was that dramatic...

Anyway - to the important stuff. No color chart. There will be another IEP meeting next month with the neuropsych. I indicated concern that "someone" (I made absolutely certain not to mention the principal by name) might interpret this to mean that they would be free to alter this plan the following day. It was expressed over and over that they understand just how big an issue this is for DD, that they are committed to providing her the best opportunity possible to access her education and that they want to create the best plan possible for her. I expressed that if this was in fact their position I was very happy to hear it. I also pointed out, though, that this could not be more opposite than what we experienced at the June meeting.

When the new DSS said that was in the past and she is interested in moving forward I pointed out that almost everyone present was new, and they did not experience what happened before. However if you violate someone's trust there are ramifications. You cannot expect that person to forget what happened and simply accept that things have changed. That trust, once lost, will take time and serious effort to reestablish.

DH and I explained in pretty good detail just how DD's anxiety presents itself and what some of her triggers are. We spent much of the meeting drafting a behavior plan that will be in effect throughout her school day. Surprisingly it was the principal who objected to wording about DD's primary classroom and said she felt it had to be expanded to include all parts of her school day if they are going to be successful in containing her anxiety.

I managed to let people - especially those new to the situation - know just how inappropriately the entire situation had been handled without actually stating just how badly the principal had behaved. Those who knew what happened got it - those who are new to the situation know something REALLY bad must have gone on but don't know what it was unless someone inside the school fills them in.

The new teacher didn't say a word - I don't know any more about her now than I did before the meeting. The new SW is *very* eager to help - we'll have to see how that plays out. I hope she is not too eager... The new director of PPS seemed to really get it - that the principal's behavior and plan for DD was totally inappropriate, that she had placed the district at risk of major liability and most importantly that this is a child with unique educational needs that will require a unique plan. I pointed out that the "I" in IEP is for "individual" and it would not be appropriate for "anyone" to expect her to round off her square edges in order to fit into the pre-made round holes that currently exist at the school. That she is NOT going to be penalized because her needs differ from standard protocol and/or are outside standard school policy.

So we have a plan in place that will entail increased services in her areas of need as well as twice a day "enrichment/anxiety breaks" that will allow DD to spend some time on her areas of strength. The details are still being ironed out because they admitted that they have never had to incorporate something like this before.

After the meeting our consultant said that if he had written a script he couldn't have asked for a better outcome. Hopefully DD has more of what she needs than before we met. The principal got the message loud and clear that her behavior was totally unacceptable and I am not the "forgive and forget" type. I'm sure it won't all be a bed of roses but it HAS to be better than it was by the second half of last year. I believe there is at least a good chance that DD can have a good year as opposed to the 100% guarantee of a train wreck if I hadn't fought them.

Congratulations! You did it!

You are going to need a stiff drink and/or a lot of deep breathing exercises to get yourself back to something resembling a normal state, but your DD can start the school year without extra stress. Worth it, I would think.

I hope it's a great year for your family.

DeeDee

I hope you are celebrating tonight.

You done good.

That is wonderful, wonderful news. What a relief.

YAY Pemberley - you did GREAT!!! I'm so glad the meeting went well

polarbear

Excellent advice from MON!

DeeDee

Yes, I think MON's advice is great but I think it is beyond what I can deal with right now. I have to contact the new DSS and will definitely thank her for what she has done. It took a while but once she finally got it - realized that what I was saying was valid - she is the one who made this happen. I plan to take a *very* reserved approach with the school personnel. I do not want to be sucked into micromanaging the situation. I had my say, we developed a plan and now I have to let them implement it. I'm not sure who gave the advice over the summer to separate parenting my daughter from fighting to get what she needs in school. I am going to let them - with the help of our consultant and new DSS - handle the education part while I focus on being DD's mom. Maybe someone with more emotional maturity - or more distance from what went on earlier this year - could take the conciliatory approach suggested. I need to just keep my distance at this point.

As I told a friend who asked me to serve on a PTA committee "I am going to just lay low. I don't so much as plan to make a batch of cookies for a bake sale..."

Yay Pemberly! So happy to read this!

[quote] as well as twice a day "enrichment/anxiety breaks" that will allow DD to spend some time on her areas of strength.[quote]

Ohhh I like this! And having a son suffering form anxiety I can see how this would really be beneficial for the child.

I haven't had out IEP meeting yet (!?!) But I am plannng on stealing this and getting this incorporated into the plan as well.

Pemberley, I hear you. Lots of special needs parents who have the experiences you've had end up with a variety of PTSD-- literally-- because the feeling that you can't protect your child from aggressors is so awful.

You won't be able to take a complete vacation from "managing," because you'll need to watch how they implement things and watch your DD's stress level and her outside therapies. I know you're not letting any of that go. But I'd encourage you to take really good care of yourself as well as your family. Get yourself some professional help if you feel the stress has worn you down too much (CBT is awesome for anxious parents as well as for anxious kids, it turns out, and you've had plenty of very good reasons to be anxious). Figure out what makes you feel most nurtured, and do that, till your bucket feels more full.

Hang in there.
DeeDee