I was struggling with boredom at work and that eventually led me to articles about problems that gifted adults often experience at work. I read Gifted Workers: Hitting the Target and Gifted Grownups. I got reacquainted with my old identity that had gotten buried deep down.

Now I have words again for my experience, but I don't know what to do with it. The problems gifted people face don't stop when they get out of school, but the support structures seemingly disappear. I don't even know how to discuss what I'm going through with people outside of my family without sounding arrogant.

So I'm here trying to get some ideas.

Are there other active communities for gifted people online (not Facebook)?

Is there any hope of finding a therapist/counselor that understands gifted adults in Indiana? Should I just consider remote sessions?

How do I find motivation when I'm buried in existential boredom?

How do you cope?

Your question is interesting and important but also pretty general, and I'll take a stab at it.

There is MENSA for gifted adults. Maybe MENSA members on the forum could share their experiences with it.

The "rationalist" community centered around the Slate Star Codex blog may interest you.

Intellectually gifted adults will form online and in-person communities specific to certain domains. For example, tech has Hacker News, Slashdot, and other forums.

There are online courses at places like EdX and Coursera that one can use to initiate or develop intellectual interests.

You used to have be on the hardcopy preprint list of leading researchers to stay up-to-date with research in a field. Now you can get working papers at places like Arxiv and SSRN.

Universities have public events and extension courses. Libraries and recreation departments offer some intellectually stimulating classes.

Yes, Mensa is very helpful for some, but not for everyone. Keep in mind, like every other organization there are different personalities. I can't stand some in our local group, and others are wonderful. I'm sure I rub others the wrong way too.

Some geographical areas are more developed than others. The monthly magazine is pretty fun in its way, and if your area isn't 'developed' the national magazine is nice. Just don't leave it around the house for people to discover. You'll never hear the end of it from friends and family.

I did our local newsletter for about five years. It was actually quite fun meeting a deadline. I'd never done a newsletter before. The wonderful thing about editing a Mensa newsletter is you don't have to edit very much, and you get to follow up with questions to the contributors (if their article is interesting)

Alan

Hi McKinley!

Boredom at work is the story of my career! If you can figure out what to do about it, or even who to talk to about it, I'm all ears.

I've found the rainforestmind blog helpful for reassurance that I'm not completely crazy. Here is a recent post about work.

I've had no trouble securing two grades skips for my son, but in 15 years of working, I've never been able to secure anything like appropriate challenge for myself, despite having a terminal degree and changing jobs every 2-3 years. I no longer believe in greener pastures, and my ambition is pretty much dead.

My coping strategy at the moment is to write fiction about the subject, but it's hard to do even that without sounding arrogant. Writing does at least allow me to use big words, be creative and productive, and advance at my own pace.

I'm trying to convince myself that work is just work, not a vehicle for developing your potential or giving meaning to your life. That doesn't do much for my mental health though.

40 hours a week is a LOOOOOONNNG time to stagnate and bite your tongue.

Maybe consider that all of the people stocking the shelves at the grocery store or cleaning up after you when you leave work each day also had to accept that "work is just work, not a vehicle for developing your potential or giving meaning to your life."

It would be lovely if we all had meaningful and fulfilling jobs (regardless of IQ). I'm pretty sure most would take existential boredom over poverty and many are happy for a paycheck at all.

This message board is becoming so elitist lately I'm questioning why I even come here anymore. Guess I shouldn't have read this thread when already in a bad mood about my 2E son not being able to attend a service he desperately needs because they changed the time and date after we spent months getting in. So, sorry to rain on your pity party, but my real life sucks every day too, and not only because of first world problems.

I'll probably get banned for this post while others continue to post racist articles and complain about minorities taking away their white privilege. When did this site stop being about helping our kids?

I can sympathize with anyone who is bored at work, regardless of class, and wouldn't encourage anyone to simply resign him/herself to either boredom or poverty. That's a pretty bleak way of framing life's options. I'm more inclined to advocate for a basic minimum income and the abolition of BS white collar jobs than to defend meaningless work because other people don't have even that.

I also don't see how a gifted adult who is chronically depressed due to underemployment is that different from a child who is depressed/developing behavioral problems due to lack of challenge in school. I certainly wouldn't tell my son to just buck up and be glad he gets to go to school if he were truly doodling and daydreaming there all day just to keep from going nuts.

The biggest difference I can see is that as an adult, I can quit my job and move somewhere. A kid has to settle in where ever his parents put her/him

SaturnFan, I apologize if it comes off as elitist, or privileged. I'm very aware of that danger, that's why I chose the adult age-specific forum of a site that's only of interest to people dealing with gifted issues. It felt like a safe place to let down my guard and express my actual thoughts rather than the sanitized ones that make people feel more comfortable with me.

MsFriz, your post gives me something to be grateful for today. The one thing people want is to know that they aren't alone. I've had many of the same thoughts you express.

I have ordered two more books to read Dabrowski's Positive Disintegration and Living with Intensity.

I've searched a lot for gifted adult communities online and aside from paid groups and Facebook groups and paid Facebook groups this is the most active I've found. It's sad to see comments and blog posts on other sites that resonate and then see that the last activity was five years ago. If nothing else, you can talk to me. So that's a start.

I have articles that I'd like to share with my boss that lay out exactly how I feel. They literally describe all of the problems I have and how other people perceive those problems. But I feel like I couldn't share those without blacking out the word 'gifted' to avoid appearing elitist.

I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for understanding that just like getting good grades doesn't mean kids don't need help, having a good paying job doesn't mean adults need help. And when I say help I mean in an emotional, philosophical sense. I never stop asking why. That's my problem. Compulsive why.

Sidebar: I'm also trying to express myself in creative fiction (graphic novel in my case) and realized my best course might be to use my real world experiences and dilemmas to define my characters. I'm just currently struggling through a trough of motivation.

It may be helpful to find aspects of your work that are the "least bad" parts and develop your skills and position in that direction. I found that focusing on the least bad aspects did help me stay in a job that represents "underemployment" for me.

If you are still in an early- to mid-career stage of life, you may be able to re-train or supplement your training to switch to a career with more challenge. If you can't switch, I'd recommend developing truly challenging hobbies. Some examples of challenging hobbies: There's a group of Japanese "white hat" hackers that joins together and cracks crypto-currency theft cases after work. There are adults (and younger people) that play in bridge, chess, and poker tournaments. There are people that organize and volunteer at "repair events" and "repair cafes" and fix everything from electronics to clothing. There are lots of musicians playing for free or very little money in combos, bands, and orchestras. All of these groups are primarily people challenging themselves after work.

To join in with an earlier statement, this is kind of like after-schooling for adults. Learn, grow, keep busy, while not relying solely on work/school to meet all your needs and still acknowledging that work/school is necessary at this time for you. Isn't this why we sign the kiddos up for computer camp, math camp, and music lessons etc.?

I recommend seeing how you can help your local government. There are often citizen positions on boards and commissions. They do important work and having people with inquisitive minds that can process a lot of information would be really helpful.

I'll have to add the rainforest mind blog/book to my reading list.

...

There may be a longer response that will show up later, earlier, somewhere. I think it is still in moderation. Of course I have had so many thoughts and feelings that I typed out and deleted, that it is entirely possible I just imagined posting earlier. I appreciate everyone's help in suggesting ways to find activities.

Has anyone signed up for SENG?

These are my thoughts too.

I have heard, to battle these situations, an exercise in humility is the remedy.
We have been doing this in our family. It is very powerful.

Volunteer work is an amazing tool to helping us focus.
For us its the local shelter or Second Helping Food Kitchen.

https://www.mindful.org/three-tips-for-cultivating-humility/

I signed up for SENG this year but was disappointed. Most of their events/content seemed to be geared toward helping parents raise gifted kids. I did participate in one online event for adults, but it was just a powerpoint presentation and the discussion that followed was rather awkward. That was the only event I actually attended though, so maybe I gave up too quickly.

Serving on a nonprofit board is another good option. That's something I started this year, along with writing fiction, that has been very gratifying. It may also allow you to use skills that are underutilized at work.

I've also done quite a bit of hands-on, direct volunteer work, but in my experience, that only makes my work dissatisfaction that much more intense. It makes my time at work feel that much more pointless and ridiculous. That's not an argument against volunteering--just a suggestion that volunteering outside of work might not make twiddling your thumbs at work any easier.

I really like the recommendation to serve local government. My city has a formal program for training/developing citizens who want to get more involved in their government. There is an application process to identify good candidates and ensure representation from across the city. You might want to look for something like that in your area. I could also see that leading to more interesting paid work in the long run.

In terms of therapy, the best thing I've found is writing. I didn't really appreciate the term "creative outlet" until I started writing. Doing something creative allows me to release all that energy and drive that I have to keep pent up at work everyday. At this point, I don't know what I would do without it.

Although addressing the solutions for boredom wasn't my original point, this sums up my situation on that topic. The emotion I experience is frustration that when I know what I'd like to do I'm prohibited from doing it, and when I'm free to do what I want all of my energy has been drained by that frustration.

I guess I just need to learn how to be in the moment more often.

Because that was done to me repeatedly as a kid (parent moves family to take new job in quest for happiness), I'm rather strongly opposed to that strategy.

On top of not being challenged, at every job I’ve had, I’ve had hours upon hours of idle time in my work week, so staying in the moment is slow death.

This is probably something that is hard to relate to unless you’ve experienced it first hand. Not even many gifted people seem to get it.

I do wonder though, if it isn’t the same people who fell through the cracks as gifted kids who struggle with underemployment and underachievement as adults. If so, it seems it would be especially unkind to simply kick them to the curb at midlife and tell them to get over it.

As for me, I grew up working class in a rural area and was told from a young age that college was beyond reach. I went anyway (first generation college student) and am still carrying the debt decades later, but I really wasn’t prepared for the white collar world and don’t feel at all successful professionally. I almost think I had too big a divide to cross in one generation and that my son is the one who will benefit most from all the tail-chasing, wheel-spinning, teeth-grinding work I’ve done.

I still struggle daily though, with how to make the most of the many hours between now and retirement.

Or ones that didn't fall through the cracks. I'm a weird case where I was identified and had a lot of resources and opportunities in grade school, but the geographic relocation de-emphasized that kind of program. I think maybe there is still an assumption that gifted kids will "figure it out," but really it took me a long time to realize that the things that caused me problems in work were the same thing that caused problems in school. Part of the problem is there's much more emphasis on finding the right job than on finding the right school. So it's easy to slip into the habit of job hopping to find the better job.

I think what's missing is creating support structures for adults similar to structures for gifted kids. It's like needing to identify where I'm maladapted and create counteracting adaptions.

If you are a gifted adult, what would you put in your plan?

If you are a parent, what would you want your child to carry into an adult plan?

Mentoring!!!!

My supervisors are forever asking me to train and mentor new hires, my coworkers, interns or students, but when I start talking about my own professional development, they can't end the conversation fast enough. Maybe they're worried I'll only leave if they invest in me, when in fact, some true professional development would be a reason to stay. Or maybe they assume I can figure out whatever I need to know, as I learn quickly and am very self-motivated. You can be self-reliant to a fault though. Had I ever had a mentor, I think I could have avoided a lot of the groping, bungling trial and error I've gone through trying to direct myself over the years.

I'm also a big believer in informational interviews and have gotten a lot out of them at some critical junctures, but they're still no substitute for a true mentoring relationship.

Apparently "I like to learn and would learn whatever my organization thinks is most helpful" is not a development plan that my supervisor can work with. What ended up in the review is a list of projects I said I was going to work on, and a note that I would also continue to work on improving my attitude.

I think 'mentor' may have been one of the missing words in my search for resources. Putting the focus on mentoring instead of counseling turns up different options.

"Coaching" seems to be another good search term.

Anyone know about sengifted.org? They seem to have a lot of stuff for the emotional support of gifted people of all ages.

Wish I could stop thinking. Does anyone want to talk about something other than test scores?

I'll bite. I was reminded of this thread today while reading this article: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/the-taboo-of-selfishness/, which argues that it is sometimes healthy to act in a selfish manner.

As a life-long, pathological teacher- and boss-pleaser who too often settles for satisfying the needs and low expectations of others, while suppressing my own [gifted weirdo] needs, I identified with this:

"Healthy selfishness requires self-love. The person who is motivated by healthy selfishness is motivated by a desire to become a unique person, to learn, grow, and be happy."

and this:

"People who consistently lack self-assertion and self-respect, and who consistently reject the satisfaction of their own basic needs in favor of satisfying the needs of others, often enter therapy so they can learn how to increase their self-love."

and this:

"...we need to think more seriously about creating the conditions that allow people to develop their unique intellectual, creative, and emotional capacities, the freedom to assert the totality of their being, and the opportunities to satisfy their basic needs."

Perhaps gifted adults who are dying on the vine at work could use a little more self-love (not less), and their desire for more learning and growth in the workplace is an expression of the healthy kind of selfishness (not mere self-indulgence, self-pity or narcissism)?

I realize I'm out on a limb here.

Excused any mixed metaphors.

That reminds me of this article and others that seem to describe 'selfish' behavior as sort of a defense against overstimulation of empathy.

One of the things I'm definitely wrestling with is determining what things are the things I want to do because they give me pleasure (intrinsically), and what things I want to do because it earns the approval of someone else and I have been conditioned to take pleasure in that (extrinsically).

What are your gifted weirdo needs? Mine might be summed up as: needing to learn new things, not wanting to solve the same problem over and over, doing things through non-linear thinking, and not needing others along for the ride. Makes me attractive when implementing things, but a bit of a liability in supporting them.

The connection to overactive empathy is interesting and, in my mind, valid. That's what teacher-, parent-, boss-pleasing is all about, right? Being highly attuned, even overly attuned, to others' feelings, needs and expectations, and making their happiness your own personal goal, even at the expense of your own well being? It's a pathological empathy or unhealthy selflessness.

The problem is compounded if your own feelings and needs are roundly dismissed by others as too whiny, arrogant, weird, negative, exaggerated, intense, inexplicable, etc. It's hard to put your own social and emotional needs first when everything in your environment is telling you they're abnormal--when you do not see your own interests, ideas, priorities or concerns mirrored in those around you.

What are my gifted weirdo needs at work? To not be idle (which may require giving me more work or harder work than others). To be encouraged, or even just allowed, to think critically, look beyond immediate, superficial causes and effects, CARE about things, like quality and outcomes, and aim high. To not have my thoughts and feelings dismissed with condescending, mediocrity-normalizing comments like "at least it pays the bills, right?" or "a lot of people would be happy to be bored at work." As that healthy selfishness article says, to feel safe to occasionally assert the totality of my being (like the part that would rather read philosophy at lunch than attend the mandatory-fun event where all the women are enthusiastically discussing hair and nails). But I'm being whiny, arrogant and negative...

There seems to be a sort of gifted Catch-22 in that what many gifted people ache for more than anything is freedom to be and use those parts of themselves that society tells them are invalid or even shameful. Resisting the crush of mediocrity may require exercising more healthy selfishness than I've been allowing myself and losing some of the guilt and the shame.

Very insightful post. Many of the ideas resonated with me. I found much affirmation/validation in reading this.

The book The Peter Principle may be of interest.

Am I underachieving if I've reached the level of my incompetence, or is it if I opt to return to the level of my competence? Which I guess is the acceleration question all grown up.

I would agree that this is the optimal instructional placement question all grown up--which is why I would also return to the concept of zone of proximal development. Enough competence to achieve mastery, and enough (likely) attainable challenge to stretch and grow.

We don't (or shouldn't) stop learning and growing just because we are not engaged in formal education.

Here's another resource for gifted adults:
InterGifted https://intergifted.com/

I haven't used them yet, but I'm on their email list, and they have some really great-looking workshops and groups coming up, including things on multipotentialities and writing.

I have this weird thought that being bored is an intellectual challenge. That filling that void with knowledge to be learned is not actually growth, but is just reliance on a comforting strategy learned in childhood.

Despite having Living with Intensity on my to-read shelf, I'm not in the target audience for that symposium. Wrong chromosomes.

None taken. I was just being a little silly. (There apparently needs to be a winky-sad face to express false indignation.)

An interesting Venn diagram is how much the creativity culture, productivity culture, and gifted culture overlap. I first heard about Cal Newport's Deep Work in a workshop for people trying to build habits to complete creative projects.

It's not really about giftedness, but Jessica Abel's blog often speaks to those same sort of feelings. She taught me a lot. Mostly that I don't have 25-40 hours of free time a week that I could be using to work on projects. I only have about 2 per week. And with the DD2 now, maybe the important thing to me is to sit together and watch Tinkerbell.