Hi all,

It has been a while since I last posted - we got caught up in life (funny how that happens) - also, I think that after we got DS tested, and all of our suspicions were confirmed (and then some), we didn't need to poke around here for answers so much, you know?

Anyway, I'm writing now beacuse I wanted some opinions. DS just turned 5, and thus is K aged. But we don't know what to do with him. We have looked at a million private schools (good schools, really great schools, just not necessarily for a PG kid.) we are still going to go to K registration and talk to them - see if they are willing to do anything to work with us. AND there is also a new gifted school opening (The Grayson School, outside of Philly...has anyone heard of it?) Anyway, it looks amazing. They get giftedness. BUT it's expensive and like, an hour drive away. Which is a huge pain, frankly. SOooo...my long-winded question is...is it worth it? The cost, the drive, for a 5 year old's education? Or do we make do with homeschooling or public K (or 1st, as they are apparently willing to bump up one grade but no more than that) or some other in-between measure? I would rather NOT just homeschool, as DS is very social and thrives off interaction with peers. But I also don't want him bored out of his head in public school. I mean, we are easily doing 5-7th grade with him at home now. reading is not so high...maybe 3rd? and science is way up there too...current passion is cardiac physiology. What do you DO with a kid like this? Why aren't there more gifted schools?? UGH. I just want there to be a right answer. It's stressing me out. I want him to be happy and challenged and with his peers (both social and intellectual). BUT I don't want to break the bank/go out of our minds driving hours a day etc etc. Any help/insight would be great.

M

P.S. we applied to DYS a few days ago (hopefully our nominator will get their form in before the 31st so we can get potentially get our hands on some seriously helpful resources!)

Marnie, welcome back! I'm going to PM you in a moment.

Wow, just went to the Grayson School's website. They have some seriously heavy-hitting folks on their research advisory board. Susan Assouline? Jack Naglieri? Matthew Fugate? If the school can execute anywhere near what the research board knows, it ought to be stellar. But financial and lifestyle impacts are important, too, and might even outweigh academics in any given year. It looks like they have weekend programs, too, that are open to the community. Maybe that could be a compromise for a year or two? Plus give you and your DS a chance to test-drive the school first.

Sympathy. Tough decisions.

I'm geeking out at their advisory board, too!

Yes, I have heard of Grayson. The opening got delayed by at least a school year - I'm not sure if they have their license/accreditation yet. Expensive, but not as expensive as many established private schools in the area (as I'm sure you know).

I would be a bit wary of sending a kid to a new school, especially since there are so many in the area that have a long track record (as in over 100 years). I really don't know that any school meets every kid where they are in every subject.

Since I did not think that my kids were particularly bright when they were five, I wasn't looking at schools the way many others on this forum look at schools. However, I attended a highly regarded private school in the Philadelphia area, and my kids have attended a private and a public school in the area. I can't say that the academics met my kids (or me) at their level in elementary or even in middle school. However, they have/had a lot of very bright classmates, some clearly brighter than them.

Could my 10 year old read Voltaire in the original French? Perhaps, but I really don't expect the school to accommodate her level of foreign language. Might some other kid be an extremely talented artist or scientist? Sure, but I really don't expect the school - any school - to meet such a kid at his/her level.

However, being around other kids at his level is important. My little one (10, in 5th grade) is writing some sort of math play with friends, just because they think that is fun. My older two did stuff like that when they were younger. Personally, that is what I would look for - other very bright kids.

And there is life outside of school. My older two play/played travel sports, and the social benefits of mixing with kids from various schools is great. There is really only one kid that I recall that was at/above their intellectual level on the travel teams (and they still hang out with her and discuss geeky topics), but there is more to life than just academics.

We have a great micro school opening near us (5 minute commute!) and their tuition is less than 1/2 of a typical private school around here. It's everything I was looking for and more but...with any new schools, there'd be growing pains and I'm not sure if we want DD to experience them.

DH here -- Just wanted to chime in with my 2c. I've kind of been pushing for the Grayson School... maybe I'm an idealist, but I feel like with a kid like DS, I really don't want to settle for "meh, maybe they can keep him occupied with kids his own age, and then we'll do the real schooling at home."

It would be one thing if he was far ahead in a single subject, but for a kid who's globally at least 3 grades ahead, what is a traditional school going to do? I REALLY don't want him to be bored 6 hours out of every day, and get really jaded about academics & learning & everything.

Of course, the 2 dead hours of driving that the Grayson School would require is bad, too... I hate it when there's no perfect option.

Is it possible to try the school for a while and if you think it's worth it in terms of the money, move closer?

I don't think you're going to be happy with the public school unless they already have an unconventional structure. One of my kids is at a public school where he was accelerated 3 years per math. They align all of the math schedules and combine grades, and it's not hard to do. We have open enrollment which means students can go to a different public school than their neighborhood school so that opens our options. The neighborhood school was a disaster, they wouldn't even accelerate him for math one year. The teacher, of course, said she would differentiate but it never happened. If they say they will differentiate but have no clear plan, run the other way. They all say this.

Car pools? You find even one or two families to share it with and it won't feel so ominous. Granted everyone has to have big cars/vans the more kids in the car pool. Find families with only one child.

Van services? Our elementary school...the zoned kids all live within 2 miles of the school and it is considered an entire student body walking school. The only kids with bus service are students in the self contained ESE classes that ride the special needs buses. And then there is the school choice program kids who attend as out of zone kids for the dual language program (which is my kid). The out of zone kids live further away than 2 miles (we live 3 miles and I just transport him, our zoned school is 1.5 miles in the other direction). There can't be more than 50 of those kids. But the school is serviced by several transportation vans...there have to be 30 of them. I don't know how much they charge but most of them can't be going more than 2 miles.

Isn't it actually 4 dead hours? An hour there in the morning, an hour back home, an hour there in the afternoon, and an hour back home? That would not be happening here.

Do you have other children? With just one, for me, it would be feasible. But I've got four and a part time job so it wouldn't be an option here.

I hear you there. We crossed out public schools and some of private schools off our list too for that reason, for now anyway.

There is a private GT school about 30 minutes drive from us (more like an hour because of the traffic) and I crossed that off too because for us, that's too far from where we live and from where we work.

When I was looking for a new string teacher for DD4, I came to a realization that while I value her education, her schedule has to work for her parents too. Maybe I'm not the most supportive parent for thinking this but at some point, there has to be a balance within the family.

We can't find the right school for DD either although the new micro school does sound very promising. Our current plan for Kindergarten next year is to keep DD at her outdoor program part-time so she can play with friends. We'll add science lab once a week and homeschool her for math just so that she doesn't stagnate. I don't feel the need for formal language art curriculum until she is a little older. Maybe I'm getting too relaxed about things but I want DD to have another year of outdoor free play and enjoy being 5.

ETA: I do realize that is easier for me to say since DD's main passion these days is music and her needs in that area is being met by 3 private teachers. Still, if I thought I'd have to drive 2 hours to get her to the right teacher...I don't think I have it in me to do that, even on a weekly basis.

ETA2: If you are truly certain that this school is the best fit for your DS and other alternatives are not acceptable, then, I'd move closer to the school so the commute for the little one isn't so taxing.

Maybe you could luck into a car pool, but from what I recall, there aren't that many NJ kids in even the established private schools in suburban Philadelphia.

I understand that it is frustrating, but if you are in a high SES area in south NJ, I think there will be peers for him in the local schools. Not lots, but they are there. Some kids you can spot right away, then others, like my middle kid (HG type), don't even look like college material when they are five. Even at 17, folks are surprised when they find out the academic awards middle kid has won, or her SAT/ACT scores (which are available for all to see due to her travel team/college showcases).

My older two know kids who are globally ahead/gifted. These kids were bored in school, at least in elementary and middle school, some in HS as well. The kids who thrived on academics pursued stuff outside of school. The kids like my middle kid, who don't want to pursue any extra academics, turn out just fine too.

At this point it is confusing and frustrating, and you don't want to make the "wrong" choice. Keep exploring your options, but realize that there can be more than one "right" choice. I know I was really worked up about my youngest kid's medical issues when she was an infant/toddler. Her issues are still not completely solved, but now that things are in better place and we are almost a decade removed from the initial panic and fear, things don't seem so bleak.

How about a local school with a grade skip for a year while the school gets going and then you have a better basis of comparison as you will know if the local school is workable and you can see how the new school is being established.

I agree with the others that it looks great but four hours a day in the car is too much in the long term. If the Grayson school looks good maybe a move halfway there would be workable if not even closer.

Wow.

Grayson looks good.

Obviously, there are not more gifted schools because there aren't enough gifties in a given area typically. What would scare me would be the potential that the school starting off well and then hitting either/or accusations of elitism or enrollments difficulties later resulting in a diluted standards.

I think that to have something that good only to have it removed would be damaging.

I go back and forth like a see-saw on this because while on the one hand I want my DD to have intellectual stimulation from peers and schoolmates I also recognize that simple fact that the majority of the World's population is NT.

Pragmatically, she is going to have to deal with ordinary people even in extraordinary jobs working for (and God willing, leading) top shelf corporations. The correlation between Intelligence and income drops off after USD 200k or so. A 'normal' school is where my DD can learn these social skills - I say to myself when I have rocked to this end of the see-saw. LOL

Honestly, I would try the most convenient and cheapest option first, the one with the best education focused on the whole child.
Then from there I would be constantly assessing how things are going for the child, how my relationship with the teacher and with the staff was going, and how the situation was working for my family life.
I have the firm belief that kindergarten should be a time filled with wonderful memory makers for my children. I wanted them to plant marigold seeds, to color, to paste, to cut, to build with blocks, to learn whatever they were interested in.
As long as my kiddos were happy at that age in their classrooms, we were satisfied. The years worth of growth they both did was more social and interpersonal. They both went into kindy having learned the curriculum at least a year in advance.
Make it easy on yourself and reassess the situation as time goes on.